that uneasy feeling
slowly drifting into old patterns
old thoughts, old actions
slowly drifting away
creeping into that dark place

uneasy, unsteady heart
hurting in private
smiling in public
hurting yourself for some sort of comfort
an uneasy, unsteady heart

things that are better left unsaid
are the worse for the heart
the pain becomes unbearable
unable to cope
unable to breathe
things that are better left unsaid

missing the past
missing the comfort
my happy place
my comfort space
a person, a feeling
gone without a goodbye
gone without a trace
slowly creeping back into that dark place

help

This feeling almost embedded into my brain
here you go again...
silence fills this house
almost deafening, i feel like screaming
walking past without a notice
your simply afraid? or am i not enough?
not suited to your picture perfect frame?
a crack in your overbearing fence
am i not yours to claim?

Ive always been my father's daughter...

He uses that against me
no matter how good he tries to cover it
he'll always despise me for your actions
for the fact that i'm his daughter
theres always two sides to the war
but in my case...
this war will forever be one-sided
a fight I'm growing tired of fighting

Ive always been my father's daughter...

my face must be a sickening sight for you
a friendly reminder of what once was yours
but isn't anymore...
ive grown to hate it...
ive grown to hate looking like him
because of you.
the odd one out of three
your hardest child?
and his only.

Ive always been my father's daughter...

How annoying it must be, to see him in me
a mirror of my father
your nit-picking daughter
filled with flaws
that you seem to enjoy calling out?
"your just like your father"
"you look just like your father"
but with every one of your "compliments"
comes an insult
"i don't know why your like that"
"your father wasn't like this"
"if your father was here..."
he's not.

Ive always been my father's daughter...

your academic star, is failing
but you put that aside
i'm a mockery to your name
you hide me away from the spotlight
scared of the comments you may get
because of me?
i'm your disappointment...
and you hate that.

Ive always been my father's daughter...

its not your fault
and it never is
so ill take it all
to make you happy
ill burn myself for your sake
not mine
ill fulfil your dream
and disregard my own
ill make you proud...
but at what cost?
my mental health? my general health?
they're just a twig in the system
ill learn to deal with it...
but in all reality

i need my father.
and not you...my "mother"

A simple glance would but merely make my day
A smile,weakening my heart
And now this all seems to go unnoticed...by you?
A never ending battle taking place
Should I? Should I not?, Will he? Will he not?
The constant reminder of this unrequited love.

Music was a shared interest
More his rather mine
However, as time passed by...
Music became a refuge of mine
The knowledge of knowing this was the only part of you I could truly have, this shared interest of ours, shattered my heart
The constant reminder of this unrequited love.

Years pass by, and yet my heart still yearns for you.
This deep need for your attention
However dangerous it may be...
I know it could brighten up my heart like the many shining stars in the night sky,
Or diamonds in the rough
The constant reminder of this unrequited love... I've endured

My rather slow realisation of this one-sided love, puts me into a category of incompetence
I thought it to be an everlasting-love, yet I find myself roaming movies and books in search of my why?, when, and where it all went wrong...
Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Why did this happen?
-The many questions I asked myself.
Yet not until this very moment did I ever think to ask if he ever did?.
Nor will I Ever.

Days are now ever so lonesome
We walk on opposite sides of the world,
the distance... unrecognisable and unbearable
We would talk from sunrise to sunset, dusk to dawn
How did we get here?

He is the bane of my existence and yet the object of all my desires.
Was it possible to fall in love with the same man over and over again?
Does he think there is a corner on this earth that he could travel to, far away enough to free me from this torment?, HIS torment

I deserve nothing less, I deserve everything my heart desires
But I cannot have what it craves, you.
I have loved, and lost your smile for all eternity

Through this train-wreck and havoc of feelings
My last thought will forever be yours.
But as time moves, I shall face my life without your company
Although as heartbreaking as it seems, I am thankful that although, we may be strangers, we are strangers with memories.

It seems time for me to move along, in which I shall do so, no longer waiting for the what ifs and maybes but rather searching for my true calling and or caller wherever he may be.

To those 83 years we had hoped for my love

Sincerely,
Yours.

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