number one. you exist. you can’t do anything about it.
number two. my love is peace, so be that or be nothing.
number three. balance is an abstract concept I never understood. The devil dances in me.
number four. whoever abandoned you there in the middle of the ocean, has no right to know how you made it back to the shore.
number five. It is all in gods timing.
number six. Say something nice to me.
number seven. When I am in pain, I will pray for you.
number eight. If you sit still, you rot. do not disagree.
number nine. there is no fury like a woman scorned.
number ten. Let go or be dragged.

all of this anger was once love you know
none of this fate was deserved
I didn’t realise I had to be brave and then brave again and again and again and then actually
for the rest of my god ******
life

Most men will never be happy and that is what they deserve  
I found peace in stillness
I stopped living for the temporary people
I realized my mum was trying her best too
I let go of the grudges
I stopped sabotaging my own life
I found out I always deserved better

my heart has its own memory and i have forgotten nothing
lord, i worry that love is not more than violence
i hate to wait for you unbearably and breadcrumbs will always look like a feast to a woman starved of affection
i’m learning love as an act of mercy I’m learning love as an act of sacrifice
maybe in another universe we didn’t let go of each other
maybe in another universe you chose me
maybe my worst sin is that i have destroyed and betrayed myself for nothing

One day when the oceans turn to ice
Ask me the mistakes I have made
One day when the sky is on fire
Ask me if what I have done in my life has been good.
Some have crept and crawled and slithered their way in and out, some have arrived softly and quietly and stayed.
Ask me what difference their strongest love or hate has made me into. I’ve fallen in and out of love so much that now my hands are libraries of all the people they have touched.
What the ocean says, that’s what I say.

You begin to wear the same shirt almost daily. You sit very still.
You feel most at peace when no one is watching, you feel most at peace when you imagine he might be thinking of you like you think of him.
You let him convince himself and you and the world that the pain he caused you isn’t real. You spend days and months questioning the reality of those four weeks in London. The world agrees.
You convince yourself that nothing really mattered, and no one could truly care.
You start to resemble a crumpled gift bag in the corner of the room. You were once something to somebody.
You tell yourself you should have known better. After all your mother always told you about over watering plants as a child because you never knew how to stop giving.

On Saturday night I open my legs for a man I don’t love
On Sunday morning I cry for you in the kitchen with my friends over coffee
Every gentle part of me wants to give up
But it took a miracle to make me, and I go on being made
Love is in everything around me - look for the clues and wild women well, they don’t get the blues.