my thoughts were perverted

but somehow it became reality

blue jeans and gumboots

your kissing my *******

playing with my shell necklace

whispering memories of the past

we're laying on a cold tile floor

in an empty room

in an empty hotel

in the middle of nowhere

this can't be real...

once i feared the rain.
wet and cold.
afraid of hair and clothes.
now, i rejoice in it
running free through meadows
shelter beneath trees
wearing nothing but gumboots
annd a flowery dress
i feel like a gypsy of times past
free.
free as a bird that flys through my dreams
i feel words
i want beauty

a little bit of sparkle
a little dab of something
a scent to match your every mood

unable to remain motionless
fiddling with a sense of helplessness

to correct past past mistakes would be like re-writing a book
but theres no regret, only moving forward

nights full of possibilty
full of adventure
intrigue at every corner
i know that look, i get it

there is a need for me to move forward with you
but my feet keep dragging
and secretly,
ever so secretly
your heart rips the more you move forward
almost in half

it shall be lost soon
then you will be truly stuck.

envy on both sides
respect comes with comfort
this secret understanding
not so secret since we are both in it

some secrets are meant to remain secrets
some supressed memories are meant to be shared
but only between us
only us.

What words can describe the feelings he felt
when he met the girl so full of dreams and hope.
A girl who wanted to fix the world
and when she asked him those questions
his answer always was,
i will follow you anywhere.

He fell in love with a tree hugger
he loved her ways and her mother
but when she asked him the important questions
all he could say was that he would follow her anywhere.

she fascinated him with her power
how she wanted to find shangri-la
and discover things yet to be discovered
she would always tell him that the earth was such a strange and beautiful place
such a strange and beautiful place
that was being slowly wasted away
and all he said was i will follow you anywhere

she wore jeans and plaid shirts
and she wanted to protect the rainforests
she loved kids and all of their questions
but she needed more than he could give.

not all the faith in love in the world
could quench her ambiton
when her ambition
was bigger
than she was

"why don't we laugh anymore?"
she asked him that night
when he was feeling like the living dead
it got him thinking
why dont we laugh anymore..

Maybe it started
when she would  sneak off to clubs
in the dead of night
when he was once sleeping right

Maybe it started
when she danced her *** off
kissing men that spun her right
or when they simply had that dangerous glint in their eye

Why don't we laugh anymore?
Did we ever really laugh?
honestly?

So, answer me this:
Are we really in love at all?

This town is no the same without you.
A haze has fallen
Upon our tiny town
filling the air we breathe
They say it comes
From burning trees

As I walk down
all these familiar roads
sometimes with my eyes closed
i no longer feel at home

I hold fast
To memories of our past
Gallivanting down these streets
Owning the night
Like it was only our right

The streets were once our home
The surrounding trees our shelter
The hot pavement our bed
The stars our light

Back then,
We felt as if we were on fire
Back then,
We felt as high as the sky
The world was ours
And we kept our eyes wide open

Now,
I keep searching
For familiar faces
For familiar places
For a feeling I felt once
But now it is all extinct
Like the dinosaurs
Now it is all a memory
I’m desperate to grasp

Now,
I stroll down these streets
Alone
My eyes are stressed
In want of a sight I’ve seen
Before

I think I search in vain.

The smell of old spice
and expensive merlot
follows you
everywhere you’ve been
every place you go.

Can’t connect to the time or place
when you became a mystery to me.
You were always busy
a plane and a train away.

I knit together things to ask you
begging you to be familiar again.
The paper full of questions
crumpled in my hand
on your return.
Now is never a good time...

When alone,
I crawled through your life.
All stuffed in boxes,
Polaroid’s and negatives.
My eyes like hummingbirds
anxious and darting.
Found photos of you
of your past, unknown to me.

Someone I did not recognise living
inside those snapshots.
Long sandy blonde hair, wild eyes
riding motorcycles
boiling with life.

So serious now
a difficult man, who has witnessed hard things.
Who sips rare scotch, with two ice cubes
and talks of politics
and good hosts.

Mystery man,
Who shares my my hazel green eyes
And the color of my hair
Yours now short and grey.

With tears of dew in my eyelashes
I wait for you at our home,
Alone.
To speak of your travels
and trivial matters.
My unanswered questions
painfully shovelled from my mind.

The leathered devils,
Who you treated as gods
Were unrelenting.
Gave us shots of whiskey out of rusted glasses.
They took you as they did i,
On their stainless chariots
To the darkest reaches
Places only they could find.
It's a wonder we ever came out alive.
Those deviled prospects pushed their words
Through us, and through us
Onto you.
You, never deserved their twisted fates.

IM ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT PLATE TECHTONICS
and when the world will eventually come down all around us
can't live a day without thinking about the ground shaking
and the sun slowly baking
me slowly
alive
but as long as i have you..
the end doesn't seem quite as near

Your voice runs through my head
A tape recorder
crackly and old.

I remember every word that
you have ever said.

They string along
flowing out of my ears.

Everything is backwards.

You can't control your destiny
but you have tried nonetheless.

Backwards and forwards.
Your fate is relentless.

You can only have the best
You never stop to rest.

Where are you going with your life
I wonder.

And how did you manage
to avoid such a blunder

This blunder meaning me,
My life.

Your run your life like you run your car.
Spewing out harmful toxins.

riding by the small things.
constantly looking ahead

you never stop to smell
daisys, daffodils.

you keep running over cats
you tires tread over my head.

what you say is harsh
and has no meaning.

i watch you and start silently seething

everything from your dandruff
to your hairy toes.
makes me want to knock you out cold.

you cant seem to string along thoughts that make any sense.
but i seem to remember what you say
more than ever.

your so hypocritical to me
and you say you want to be free.

you
are
a
joke.

the words you said to me
that night are branded into my brain

how am i even sane?

"You only want what you can't have,
i loved you,
did you know that?
Your insane for not loving me back,
you have more hidden issues
than ive ever had.
i did everything i could for you,
Did you know that?
i love you,
you know that."

It was almost a fairytale right at the start.
I was stuck, alone, in a high tower.
With nothing but my own
thoughts and fears.
I was pacing, and tracing
back and forth.
one moment to the next,
it never stopped.
You approached me alone,
unafraid,
weilding your sword and magic tricks.
I was amused by your antics
i only wanted more.
you brought your ladder
and laid upon my high tower
wishing for me to reach out,
i was so close yet you were
untouchable.
a fingertip away from the
inevitable.
you climbed and brought me closer
we were one step away from becoming lost together.
our very own happily ever after.
you could sense that i was
terrified by your demons
They followed you everywhere
and never gave you reason.
Your were a fingertip away
from saving me, from myself.
But your demons clawed holes through your eyes,
clouded your judgement,
and seperated your lies.
i couldnt believe the sight i had seen.
your demons tore rips
through our fairytale blitz.
you let them get to you, and hurt me.
they pulled you down,
and pulled you deeper.
down the steep ladder,
of my high tower.
you fell to the ground,
with a much dreaded shudder.
i could see you bleeding
all your pain and misery,
feeding the demons that brought you close to me.
i stood there enclosed within
my safe, secure, haven
and wondered if you would ever
stop breathing.
i am stuck inside my tower,
full of thoughts and fears.
waiting for you to come back
and rekindle my spirits
you will return in time
you are my last living hope
in mankind.
i need the comfort,
the thrills.
i await your return to me heels.
one day you will
escape all of your demons
and finally rescue me from my prison.

I feel the love before the fate

Most steps I pretend to take

I danced around in the moves I faked

My shoes tripped up by invisible lace

I failed to wake after I fell to my fate

I learned nothing from the lines I traced

These are the connections I've made.

and with the ocean, it brings dark things
from the past
and you should know, that these things
that they, never last
you think you want the storm,
but always there are the consequences
don't forget
to bring your
life
vest

the darkness envelopes me like the night sky
the candles in this room are twinkling like stars that i have never seen
there is a vibe of something dark and sinister
it worries me more than i can truly comprehend.
a feeling of uselessness overwhelms me

but with a phone call from a friend,
and aimless driving
cigarettes and tokes
and i feel alright.

My luck is running thin.
I hope my secrets are kept safe
sitting on fire escapes
smoking benson and hedges

you have always been my favorite, after all.

im continually trying to enter broken gates

i promise i never meant to fall
off of this fire escape
where shall i escape to?
to a dream-like state?

people are always talking of dreams and what they mean.

i hope your red room stays red
pommegranite tea always warmed me.

never did i think i would be here with you
making out in the weight room of a desolate hotel
i hope you never tell
of our fire escape escapades

never did i think i would be dreaming with you
again

i could feel the tension all along
but i didnt realize it

it was almost like a song
carrying along in the wind

i could feel it, i just couldnt see it.

but everything eventually breaks surface
and it came about like an earthquake

knocking me off my feet
leaving me on the ground

i felt so unsettled after recieving that bomb
and it hurt me more than i ever let on

i could feel it,
the pain

rushing through my veins
reaching my fingertips, my legs

it took over me, your misery
that you left for me

you left me with zero energy
dead,
empty,
numb,
done.

i loved you with all of my heart
you were me.
my family.
my other half.
my best friend.
and now you are no one.

you left me all alone
with pain boiling in my veins

misery is all i see
unable to move for lack of energy

alone.

Dreams of aliens
long limbed, long fingered
wake me in the night

This strange house is awake with creaks and groans
and i fear with all my might.

Dreams of meaningless parties
forgetting my backpack
in a house i have never been in
with people i have never met
how did i get here?

This strange house is awake with creaks and groans
and i fear with all my might.

Dreams of falling
off balconies
out of trees
into nothing
i wake, out of breath

This strange house is awake with creaks and groans
and i fear with all my might.

Dreams of nothing,
nothing at all.
white noise
a blank page
this scares me the most of all
Dreams,
that i have had.

Danger is as danger does.
They told me i was trouble.
I never believe their words.
I never wanted to be this way.

From the depths of hell
came a way to escape.
In the form of an angel
he brought me this fate.

His golden hair
tricked my eyes.
i swore i saw a halo,
underneath his lies.

He took me on a trip.
We flew past the trees,
felt as high as the sky
wind whipped my face raw

on the back of his motorcycle
i held onto him so tight
the faster he went.
everything was a blur that night.

My angel from hell
your danger has changed my life
they told me i was trouble
i never believed them until now.

Its the noise that you've got to make
when you've figured out
when you've figured out
whats at stake.

And its the tears that you've got to cry
when you've realized
when you've realized
You can no longer try.

There are words you have to speak
and things left to touch
people are never what they seem
so always tell them what you mean.

It's never the end of the world
when two lives
suddenly become one.
because sometimes
it means you have won.

the battle
the war
of love
of hate
of life
of death

its neverending
its relentless.

so yell
scream
so cry
and say
what you mean.

"i won't let anyone be the death of me"

Your fingers calloused
Thick, from steel strings
Six, if strummed lightly
Gently,
Reverberate, echo
Through my heavy head
I daydream silently
Listening to your twisted insides
Listening to you sing
“jealousy is a strange disease”
Im always at your side
Secretly wishing to be sewn to you
You picked me.
I daydream our secret memories
To when we realized what was real
When we sprinted, undetected
Chasing eachother
Through trees and quiet streets
All you could hear was the thudding
Of our bare feet
From the dazzling night
Into the misty, unearthly dawn
Back to reality
We never grew tired
When spirits pumped through our veins
Laughter caught in our throats
When you said
“you are always on my mind..”
Time was so rare, then
And now it has run dry
I really see you, now
Your puppy eyes
Seeing through me softly
And mine, open wide
Piercing yours, in silence
Stolen moments
Are now only
Secret memories
And now,
When I hear you sing that song
See your fingers slide, heavily
When your eyes flick to mine
Im no longer a believer,
In fate.

I'm torn into two different directions.
what to do
with a love
that really hates?

im so unhappy.

can't you be the answer to why?

explain to me.
i'm directionless.
but i am here.

you swept me away with your innocence and honesty
maybe i took advantage of your trust and how you loved me.
i was always void of emotions
but you were the first to show me a way out of this hellhole
of a town.

we rode on this wave of carelessness
we were in reality less and less
we escaped that day to a place of hope and bliss
never to come back again.

you always promised me better things
that we could go to a place of sun and waves
you said we would always be together,
happy and forever
then we would drink to happiness and loyalty

but on to the coastline and, and the smell of freedom.
on to the sand, and those varying changes.
and on to all of our hopes and all of our dreams
and on to those sunsets and the crashing waves
and on to that day when you promised that this was how it would be.

we lost ourselves...
we lost ourselves...
and we're never coming back

I can no longer let it seem
like i am a ghost underneath.
and i can't let them know
that i was born to the sea.

and the secrets of the waves
will always be mine to keep.
But they won't let me be
left alone with the whispers of the sea

and i think,
it will be
this way, endlessly
this tangle, this web

of lies
lies that i've kept.
and they haunt my dreams as i sleep.
as i sleep, as i sleep

endlessly, endlessly
these secrets keep me awake at night
endlessly, endlessly
this ghost takes and takes away my life.

all i have left is a lonely beach full of pebbles
and i throw and i throw them
into the sea
but they keep, and they keep
coming back to me

and eventually, i am sure
these secrets, these lies
will take everything i was
everything i am

and return me, return me
back to the sea.
where i used to belong.

I remembered the pain in his eyes
that reached into his soul,
that sweat through his glands,
that you could only feel when you touched his hands
that you could hear in his breath
that stomped under his step
that shook with his laugh
that i did not truly see,
until after.

Your kisses fade so fast
The explosion of energies
Disappears into the dead air of our nights
Into this sparkling city
Escapes into our starless sky

These mountains are so different here
I search for home but it feels so far away

There are oceans and deserts
Mountain ranges.

You left those conversations
Behind, as if they never happened.

You lived to find yourself in moments
Captured forever by others.

How kind these words make me
The end of words.