One night, when my head lay nestled
Softly against some down,
One night in particular I was awakened by a sound.
Perhaps I am dreaming? I thought to myself.
But if I am dreaming,
How can I ponder to myself?
Awake.
Yes I am certain of this.
Awoken from my slumber it is obvious.
But why? Is what I wonder.
Why so suddenly?
And sure enough the answer,
Was right in front of me.
A rappity tap
A rappity tap TAP TAP
Subtle..but I heard that.
I slowly lower myself from bed,
Careful not to bump my head.
I tippity-toe
                    tippity-toe
To my bedroom door
Which of course,
To my remorse
Is on the upper floor.
I peer around the corner,
But I know that no one is home.
Its just me and Mr. Mittens
Other than that,
I'm all alone.
I creep along the hallway,
Careful not to alert my guest
I stop atop my spiral staircase,
And listen closely for the rest.
Bingity boom
                        Bingity BOOM BOOM!!
That was definitely in my living room!
Wide awake and terrified,
I grip the railing very tight.
Step
         by
              step
                       I ease along,
Bumping every picture on the wall.
My heart is pounding in my chest.
I need a second to catch my breath.
1...

2...

3...

Its quiet now or so it seems..

4...

5...

6...

Maybe thats the end of it.
I take a breath and begin to step..
Zippity zap!
                      ZIPPITY ZAP! ZAP!
Something just flew by so very fast!
Thats it I've had enough!
Enough of all this really weird stuff!
I MARCH right into the living room,
And walk right into a zooming
                                     zoom!
                                     ZOOM!
A lamp goes crash
                                 CRASH!
A fur ball goes dash
                                   DASH!
Aha! I marvel at the scene.
A scene that is EXACTLY as it seems.

"MR. MITTENS YOU DROP THAT MOUSE!
NO MORE ROUGH HOUSING AROUND MY HOUSE!"

There I lay,
A motionless meat sack,
Curled into a ball
Like a terrified grayling.
Visible only by
The flickering flame
Of a small camp fire
As it licks the crisp
Autumn air.
Like a cat,
I am not fully asleep.
I allow myself only
To rest my mind and eyes,
While my ears
Are prepared for attack.
The night is silent,
Except for the eerie whistling
Of the wind as it
Navigates the leafless trees.
I let the spiders
Investigate my body,
For there are much more
Terrifying monsters
Lurking in these woods.
Crrrrrr
             uuuunnnn
                                 ccchh
My eyes open wide,
And my hand shoots quickly
Into my pack to retrieve
A small rusted hunting knife,
Given to me by a man
At a gas station
(Who did not need it anymore).
It wasn't much.
But when facing the unknown
You must rely on more
Than intuition.
C
    R
        A
            C
                K
                    !
Somewhere nearby,
A branch splits from its trunk,
And hits the forest floor
With a deafening  
T        H       U       D
I jump to my feet,
Stomp out the fire,
And press my back against
A narrow birch tree.
Silence.

I wait.

Breathing heavily,
As if I just ran a mile,
I tense and strain my ears
To detect the direction
Of the approaching beast

Kkkeeeerrrunnchhh!!!

I swallow what feels
Like a tennis ball.
Something is close.
Only a few feet away.
It undoubtedly knows
Exactly where I am.
The air smells of burning wood,
And my flesh must smell like supper.
I take a deep breath
(Probably my last),
And lurch out of the darkness
To attack the beast,
And                      W H A M!!
I smack right into,


My wife.

"What the hell are you dreaming about?
Come back to bed before you hurt yourself! "