Everyday
I try SO hard to
talk to you

People say you're very busy
People say you're studying
People say you're tired

Yes i accept all that

I use ellipsis
Maybe you will try to guess how i am feeling
but
I guess i am wrong

I tried an ENTIRE month
Messaged you
Tried to make you laugh
It continued
for
that moment

Then
it just Vanished
Simply vanished into the clear blue sky

I really just hope
One day
You
will take the initiative
to maybe, talk to me

Is that really too much to ask for?
After i have initiated the conversation for an entire month?

I really don't know
I really want to keep up this friendship
We won't be in the same class
And i have this feeling
This dangerous feeling

Feeling
that if i don't salvage this friendship
Now
then it will just die and rot like a log

You think that everyone has problems
Yes
We all do

It need not be family problems
It could be friendship problems
Schoolwork problems

Everyone goes through that face
It is depressing
But
we just have to embrace this storm and walk through it

You tell that to me
So i pretend that i have no problems to
I guess good thing is that you're not here
Yet

I've learnt my lesson
When you are too open to your friends
Especially those you are close to
One day you think they are here for you
You really never know when the next moment will come
When they start mocking at your back

They try to do it discreetly
But
I've been mocked at
enough times
To know from your expressions
Who you are talking about
What you are saying

I might not know exactly what
But i know that
You treat me as a good friend
IS DEFINITELY NOT TRUE

And i just have to say that's the cruel fact of life

GOOD FRIENDS*
They are the ones
You think
You can rely on when you're in your darkest moments

Truth be said
I probably do have Good Friends
But these aren't the friends who are true to each other

Good Friends
to me
are just playing The Lying Game

Good Friends
Are what you call them
and what they call you

But deep down
they
don't really treat you as one

You think that you can confide in them
Yes you do
But when you probe any further
They also move further, and further

You try to show concern
Yet they brush you away

You try to ask more
Yet all they say "Nothing everything's alright"

I cry
everyday
Silently

I don't write great poems
I don't write good poems
I try to keep my identity a secret
So that i can show my true emotions

I just need a place
to show my true emotions
and this is the place
and my Good Friend's ears
i've realised
is not this place


I'm sorry

I portray myself as a very carefree person
Sometimes
Drunk?

But…
Do they really know what goes on inside
Inside
Me

No

I guess I really am the girl
That girl
That is broken on the inside
But whether i am carefree and happy?
I guess that the question...

I am just here
Scrolling through all my friend’s poems
They don’t know
No one knows
Except one

I scroll through the poems
I feel the pain
See the pain
They ALL go through
Maybe not all
But some

I badly want to help her
Yet
I know I shouldn’t probe so much
I want to leave her alone
Yet
I am afraid she can’t handle all these
Overwhelming emotions
By herself

But what can I do?
Sit here and watch?
Try to understand her better?

But…
She is just so good at covering up her emotions
He told us before we are acting all the time
And I finally understand what he means…

No one will ever replace this person
He was the one that made me swing from
Hating lit
To liking lit
To kind of loving it.