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Darkness never was my friend

At age five
It was a monster
A monster that
Could eat me alive
If momma forgot
To turn on my night light

At age ten
It was a reminder
A reminder that it
Was time to head home
And get ready for bed
The fun was over

At age sixteen
It was a cloak
A cloak that
Hid me from the reality of my choices
As I took another hit

At age seventeen
It was a reason
A reason to get wasted again
Cause what better to do than drink your sorrows away
In a small town once the sun's gone down

And now,
At age nineteen
It still haunts me:

The monsters sleep under
My bed cause momma doesn't turn
On the night light from 11 towns away

The reminders of all the
Things I should've done today but didnt
Compile themselves in long to-do lists for tomorrow

The cloak lets me hide from the outside
And obsess over all the things
I told myself I didn't care about in the light

And the reasons to get wasted
Are more abundant than ever
Making it more of a necessity
To escape the pressures building up all day

Darkness never was my friend.
On Monday, i am invisible;
nobody seems to know i exist.

On Tuesday, i am a glass door;
visible, but sometimes forgotten.

On Wednesday, i am a three leaf clover;
nothing special.

On Thursday, i am a camera without a memory card;
there, but unwanted.

On Friday, i am a pea;
noticed, but ignored.

On Saturday, i am a fun-sized candy bar;
respected, but never good enough.

On Sunday, I am a queen.
I have survived another week in my life,
and it feels amazing.

Until ten o'clock at night
when i realize in nine hours i will be invisible again.
I try to enjoy my last moments as queen,
but it’s hard to pretend when reality hits you.

I cannot decide if i like Sunday.
It is like a bag of chips.
In the beginning, they are both pleasing.
You have no school for the second time that week, you have a deliciously unhealthy, but wanted, snack.
But then,
you realize there is school tomorrow, you realize you have been defrauded and the bag is practically empty.
They always end in disappointment.

I cannot decide if the good balances with the bad,
or if one is overweighed.

I cannot decide if i prefer six and a half days of disappointment,
or half a day of bluffing myself.

I cannot decide if i like being queen,
or if it is a waste of time.

I cannot decide if pretending is superior to knowing what i am.

I cannot decide if life is enjoyable when it is like a broken record,
the same situations repeating over and over.

Because before i am able to decide on anything,
i am too busy being invisible again.
There's the eight of us,
So very different
But yet so much the same.

Each of us holds our special traits.
Our special talents
Converged as an octet.

Some artistic
Some scientific
Some linguistic and
All fantastic.

We love to laugh,
We love to tease,
We love to make a fool of ourselves.

We know there's one who's always there,
Spraying water everywhere,
But never lets people touch her hair.

And then there's one,
Who's buff and tough,
Her voice can change like a chameleon's skin.

Next we have this pretty babe,
Her furry stuff are fun to touch,
She's the gentlest, loveliest llama I know.

Not to forget,
The one's that's brainy,
Such a smarty that she can't type properly.

There's also one that I believe
She's really a mermaid in disguise,
Her actions way too ridiculous.

Of course we have this crazy kid,
Too many fandoms and too little sleep.
I still wonder why she needs her hood all the time.

And here there's another girl,
With real beautiful eyes,
A perfect actress for sketch comedies.

Last but not least,
There's just me,
I can't find a word for my personality.

I don't know how far we'll go,
If we'll still stay as close as we are right now.
As time cruelly marches on,
The day we'll part ways draws so near.

This part of me knows
That this magical bond
That we call friendship,
Will live on forever and ever.

Never did I feel so sure,
So confident about friendship.
But you guys are so special,
I really hope you know.

No matter what happens,
I see myself with you all forever,
And you all with me.

I believe in this friendship.
This magical bond,
That holds the eight of us,
Closely together,
Forever.
Whenever I have a bad day
Or things just don’t go my way
I pop in my earphones
And listen to the soothing notes
They take me away, to the land of my dreams
Where I can lay in peace, and escape reality.
All my burdens just magically disappear.
For a while, nothing in life is queer.
It’s just me, my thoughts, and the music.

When life was hard, when I was hurt
When I had nowhere else to turn
Music was always there, with a welcoming smile
Ready to comfort me, and take me away for a while.
I got lost in the world that fills me with glee
I got lost in the world where notes are plenty.
Where it’s just me, my thoughts, and the music.

Music is the perfect key
To the door between dreams and reality
It ebbs and flows in just the right way
To create a beautiful dancing ballet.
From me, my thoughts, and the music.

My music is my own.
The one place where I have no clone
The one thing that makes me different from all of you.
No one else controls what I listen to.
There is no one that I’ll have to face
When I’m in my safe little place.
The place where it’s just me, my thoughts, and the music.
The frothy waves reflect everything
As they are kissed by the pale blue sky and the liquid gold that descends on the horizon
The waves start of as graygreen, then white as they crest
And as they extend for their five second lifespan on the dark sand
They turn a brilliant baby blue touched with a burning orange of the now fading sun.

I watched and waited
Anticipated what might happen when you pulled into the parking lot
Cold hands shoved deep into my pockets, feeling around for what I was supposed to say
Ideas ping-ponged back and forth but no poetry escaped my pursing lips
Even as you pulled into the parking lot,
Let your engine cough and sputter like all the things that I tried to say to you that night
Tried to hide inside myself as I sat in the passenger seat
Confused, conflicted, jaded, manipulated
I let my mouth run like the Nile,
But it didn’t matter a word I said…

You were beautiful like the ocean
But unlike the frothy waves that reflect the pale blue sky and liquid gold that they are kissed by
You reflected nothing as you pulled away from my lips
Your hands still wrapped around my waist
Tugging at my jacket’s zipper
Because I already bare my soul, so why not bare my body, too
For you…I wouldn’t have thought twice
Following the advice of my two best friends,
I was more naughty than nice for once in my life I went in for the **** and I got
Stabbed
Clearly it was a simple and sincere mistake to make
Out with your best friend
and into the pants of her closest classmate, mister I-don’t-date-friends:
I hope you’re happy how this ends.
The sea swallows the sun
Leaving only but a pale orange afterglow.
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