cuts break skin
and cuts break heart

put that blade down
do it for me please
i may not be significant or helpful
but
do it for me please.

please.
really.

You once asked me
"Don't you feel lonely?"
with all my words
and actions
that has caused people anguish.

Yes
Now I do feel lonely.
You are satisfied aren't you.

Recently two of my friends had problems
with themselves
I know it's really hard for them.
Feeling inadequate
worthless
useless
ugly
horrible.
I feel that way too
all the time.

I just got down to write one whole page of long message
for the two of them.
They teared.
For once I actually felt like I did something write
I actually felt like I was loved
I actually felt like I was a good friend.
(but this feeling went away as soon as it came).

I realise that
I can't go
battles
journeys
fights
with themselves and everything else.

But I promise
I will be standing by their side
to give them support
to lend them a hand
to put a smile on their faces
to let them know that they are still worth it
to let them know they are loved
to let them carry on
to give them strength.

:-)

You know how you try to hold water in your hands
but the water always slips away?
And then you try and try and try
to make sure the water doesn't slip away.

It's never ending,
no matter how many times it slips away,
the next time we try,
we would do it again and again to make sure it doesn't.

Maybe it's the same for love.
Well,
similar
not same.

When you try to hold love in your hands,
no matter how big your hands are
or how tightly your fingers are put together
love will still slip
through those small little gaps
you will never be able to cover.

But as love slips,
unlike water,
it leaves a
wound
scratch
abrasion.
And even if time heals them
the next time we try to hold love in again
it will still slip away
leaving us with
hurt
agony
pain.

That's how love works,
merciless with side effects like
rejection
conflicts
misunderstandings
over thinking
over caring
leaving you with indescribable pain.

But at the end of the day
the love left in your palms
is the love we deserve
for trying so hard

came up with this analogy with you and I swear it cheers me up every time I think of it

:-) is such a misleading face.

one

Let's just say that
:-) is Tom Riddle
and
:) is Voldemort
Same being,
but they exist as different people,
different statuses,
different motives and
their existence have different effect on people.

two

:-) is the face of a snowman
: are the eyes
- is that dry, swollen carrot
) it the smile the children the children put on to the snowman's face because they love their snowman to look happy

how does it feel though,
when it's alone in the wide field of snow and cold probably without anyone else to accompany them?

how does it feel
when it watches children play in the beautiful winter snow and can't join in
when the only thing is can do is watch and risk getting attacked

how does it feel
when it leads such a transient and short life
and all it does is stand there quietly

that's when you came in*

how does it feel
when it sees the smiles put on children's faces,
feeling their warmth and delight
as they play among the soft white blanket of winter chill,
when it listens to the melodious festive songs
playing in the neighborhood
soothing its soul,
when the aroma of the warm food
wafts through the air and
lands on its lovely carrot nose with a silent hiss?

**blessed.

I regret so much bringing you on to that
train
I felt like a fool
a useless friend
a mean person
who did not understand.

I regret so much losing you in the crowd
but I tried to find you
Saw you and your gray jacket
Red Bag
Lovely long hair
disappearing into the crowd
that was swallowing you.

I regret so much to not being a good friend
who listens
and tries to understand
and keep quiet.

My apologies if I kept asking you
for a reason and
if you were
okay.

I was really scared.
I cried.