when in Rome
do as the Romans do,
flirt, make love,
wash, redo

Behan knew it and so should you
when it's time for a drink
make it for two

wake up and smell the roses
you said one summer day
so I went to where the Lowe's is
among the flora and decay

i sauntered past the tulips
meandered through the coleus
pressed the petals above my two lips
and wondered why you told me this

gnaw, gnaw over my ***** paw
paw that sticks in my craw
floating down the river Styx I saw
two blondes betwixt three maws

paw that brought this ruin to us
paddled hence and fought off Cerberus
now two fair Sirens caught with lust
kiss my paw and blush

the phlebotomist drew my blood
i flew into the Lake District
the iron drained and out it came
universal donor thick

no test for anemia
attesting only to that needed
i sought the world of Wordsworth
but swirled landscapes fleeted

"let a sleeping dog lie"
came a wry voice from the bogs
through the peat there rose a spread
a sheet of green, a host of frogs

not the golden daffodils
old and ancient beings
the sort that torment day and night
relenting at your freeing

aghast i drew my hatchet
banged, hacked and made a racket
took the legs of one and each
left the dregs and had a feast

i wandered there as a cloud
donned my pack and burned the shroud
the shroud that was prepared for me
rested ash, bare of me

what happens when an unstoppable force
meets an immovable object?

one is proven a liar

From below I catch a glimpse of her,
limp hands off the balcony
I stop mid-stride, from within swells a tide
she stands a product of otherworldly alchemy

Squinting, straining, I make out,
the wisps of a brunette
Two paces back, my eyes on track
her lovely little brown eyes met

Poised in Gucci crop top,
she scoffs and turns away
With Jimmy Choo's, Versace skirt of blues
the goddess struts and sways

If only she weren't a princess,
or if a prince were me
If like Sawyer I could draw, house and man devoid of flaw
Alas, maybe my words can summon Becky

I am consistent; you are regular;
he is invariably monotonous.

all you have to do
is rub that lamp a time or two
a Genie at your beck and call
to love my Jasmine, my Mahal

take you high above Agrabah
take you to the marble of Agrippa
if you just rub my lamp a time or two
anything you say, i'll do

Ahoy there, young lady
won't you join me in Nassau,
All hands hoay! my bride to be
in the land without a law

Blimey! you're my Bonny
be a Buccaneer by my side,
raise the Black jack high
steal the *****, ride the tide

Cockswain steer it right
from the Crow's nest spot our prey,
my Cutlass and my darling,
keep me alive through warring day

but these rivals are just as we!
Freebooters of the sea
They Fed the fish my crew
just as with me and my Bonny

Dead men tell no tales,
then how am I the talker?
my love for her prevails,
and i love from Davy Jones' Locker

he was so sure
about him and her
until Ouzo came into the picture

Ouzo a Greek
was determined to leak
the secrets of the boyfriend's double life

so before every meal
Ouzo drank a great deal
and stared at his girl with a grin

with anise on his tongue
malice filling the lungs
he divulged what he does when not home

his heart became hardened
spoke all of the garden
that belonged to Michael McGregor

through all the tears
despite all her fears
she listened with solemn reflection

as Ouzo related
how his pride had inflated
and nearly cost him his life just that day

how he just barely fled
how he hid in a shed
and how McGregor had stolen his clothing

so she told Peter then
find a new rabbit's den
there will be no thieves in this home

his head bent low
with Ouzo in tow
he hopped out of his two-bedroom burrow

and never felt better
in this warm summer weather
naked and a bachelor again

All of my Merry Men,
Robbed from Barbie and from Ken
Because of their seemingly immense wealth
As fair models of Mattel

But my good men of Sherwood,
Failed to comprehend
That Barbie and Ken spent mounds of money
And hills of cash on designer clothes
Designed chateaus, and designated drivers

In fact Barbie and Ken were in debt
In debt up to their plastic foreheads
If only I had consulted with my Lady Marian
For she understood well the materialistic ways
of these celebrities of American fame

And us Englanders have no need to
Plunder the goods from a doll
Whether in Willows or Wyoming
And thus I set my boys straight

Caution in his voice, apprehension in his lungs
Up the rungs of certainty & into solitude flung,
Off the coast of Chile
Of the utmost regret feel he,
A dilly plea and yet there be,
A castaway of the Pacific sea

If misgivings in him swelled
And yelled aloud of his misdeeds,
News of Cinque Ports' downfall
Would call to mind his wise decree

But not for several years
Would this privateer be reprieved,
Until the long awaited day of Duke
Awaited him where he once had grieved

every morning you greet me
in the bed where we lay
and your small and white figure
demands that i stay

August came, December went
our bond grew stronger still
April passed and at long last
the fling gave me my fill

it ended in the Spring
when the green of life abounded
when all else bloomed our love entombed
left Nature most confounded

from the room the distant seas
resounded and compounded
filled the space till all I heard
were waters crashed and pounded

and Nietzsche utters Superman
and “God is a conjecture”
Zarathustra keeps on speaking
of the figs in every lecture

pulling the ears of Italy
and drawing the eyes of England
except Lucy who in her heart has found
a potion of a new blend

The animus I want to shed
the remnants that are lurking

I quench it's blaze all day and night

anImus confess
it's working

the object of my obsession
begins and stems from the progression,
of the phlegm that lodges in my throat
and coats the contours therein that tote,
the words I'd like to utter
which rise to but a mutter,
and it's utterly upsetting
what the cold is now begetting

I'll cough and hack,
engage in froth from lack
of energy in my core,
but be evermore determined for
a respite away from the chore
that tore my attention from the more
fun activity of binge-watching "Jersey Shore"

with glinted cream, I caught the gleam
of an object by my left side.
i reached down low to catch the glow
it left me heightened and electrified

it melted in my hands, dripped in fluorescent bands
cooled all my open wounds.
soothed my aches, mended all my breaks
it left me strong and vanished soon

feeling revitalized, as if back from my demise
i began to prop myself up lightly.
the space was cramped, dank and damp
it was cold and i struggled mightily

the orb revisited me, mocked my vain attempts to flee
i lunged at it's fiendish chords.
it posited one, ultimatum
it's presence causing great discord

"Give to me what I decree,
you'll be released from your ensnarement.
Deny my request, and you'll have at best
a life of such internment"

"Tell me please how to cease,
this confinement, and utter ruin."
"Give me back what I now lack,
the orbit I once flew in."

cupping the sphere, i pitched it from here
to it's proper dwelling place.
i was released from the shell, the walled in hell
and found me looking into my own face

the truth now clear, the thing sought to endear
a host to spread it's poison.
to deliver abroad, the saintly and flawed
it's venom to penetrate and moisten

i am the host and deliver the most
vile uttering of it's origin.
i am the first and i know that you thirst
for the poison i now relish in.

and the oysters are delicious
slurp them down one by one
serve them by the dishes

*This message is not approved by the FDA

Little Miss Muffet
Told old ones to stuff it
She ate of her shrimp and grits;
Along came a spider
Who ran at the sight of her
Because Pippi doesn't give two *****

He feasted on his pie in the sky,
got fat off all his fantasy.
Stumbled back into the here and now,
and denied the rations of reality.

drake was showing off
his toosie slide
kicking, tossing his feet
kicking to the beat
all around his mansion

walled in and isolated
in the cramped space of his home
trying to ramp up the energy
trying to enter the
flow of an artist

and perhaps here the ego
did indeed fall away
and every deed of his performance
and every award of his importance
was a testament to positive psychology

just as Mihaly endorses
complete immersion can beget
this aversion to distraction
this sole aim of action
tempus fugit into a fraction

she'll have her Revenge like Tamora
but like Titus I'll have my victory
and I'll sit for my portrait before Raphael
like his Cardinal wearing the red of past misery

serve it on the salver
serve it on the platter
any way you serve it
cold is the only matter

Dust mite and not at all contrite
  You make residence in my home,
The allergies you induce in me
  In me my anger foams

I'll stamp you out
  Out you'll be
And still more blood to spill,
  The poetry of all my will
Next your cousin flea

The Eureka lemons were scattered on the floor
Dotting the hardwood like a painting by Seurat
And the dancers of Degas were nowhere to be found

But here at 10 Downing St.
Churchill’s predecessor knew what had to be done
He scurried about looking for the key to his mother’s boudoir

Alas! He cried
And with the speed of Yeager
He ascended the stairs, grazing the baluster

But at the top of the steps who awaited him?
The forbidden fruit, with leaves of the cross
The passion itself

And he burped as a result of the several White Russians
He drank with The Dude
And made his way to the place where Hooverball was being played

Because it is a drunk person’s game

Tweedledee and Tweedledum
came with bottle ***
and after drinking more than some
turned TweedleDick and Dumb

On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin! Plunge right through that line!
Forward to ridgeline, a victory sure this time.

On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin! Fight on for your name,
Fight! Boars! Fight! Fight, fight, live up to MacArthur's fame.

On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin! Stand up, regiment sing!
'Forward' in the campaign spirit Union soldiers ring.

On Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin! Plant it with a jag
Stand, party, let us now behold this flag

A trip to Malé
Through the Indian Ocean
Absorbing Chinese relation
Tasting the umami of station

Repudiate the hedonists
And liberate the botanists
We dance in the finery of lilies

All flowers bloom in their season
Anything is permitted in the realm of reason

Salvage your respect
Muster your self-contempt
In the land of paradox
Left is right
And all that’s right is left

the cavernous cove of Capri
where the light of heaven meets the sea
flings and strikes the stubborn stone
and cracks the cornea blue of tone

in the glimmering world of Grotto
the waves smack a ringing staccato
and i float in an idle haze
amidst the hue of leisure days

I watched her sniff a line of *******
From the mahogany table where we first ******

This wasn’t in the Cabinet Room
This was in our apartment
The place where I presided over the affairs with the aid of my Lady

During the night of Bastille we blew ourselves sky high
We aren’t French and I don’t know much about the Revolution
But the Eiffel Tower was aglow with the cracking of fireworks
And many people were keen on celebration
So we thought we’d hit powder

But not even Moriarty could have conjured the evil that next sprang upon our fête
When we realized that as we were approaching the heavens like the 7 of Mercury
Our friend pulled a prank and made our martinis with sweet vermouth instead of dry
Then we all began to crash into the Atlantic

You should not have believed me
when I said I loved you once,
a cruel act of my misleading,
taking Ophelia for a dunce

Flee from me while you're still sane
Cupid's bow flings just a dud,
I am but a Hamlet,
and my words as clear as mud

grog gives all the chutzpah
a sailor needs on the seas
but a non-diluted drink of sorts
summons all the gall you please

she took it all in stride
her chin was up
her grin was wide

because she knew the boy that left her
only wanted what she denied