I asked you over and I don't know why.
We were lying in my bed in the dark when my parents pulled in.
I put my dress back on and you ran down the stairs.
Sat on the couch, turned on late night TV, and pretended
that you had been there all along.

I sat up next to you with a blanket covering my legs.
You were so mad at me.
My parents didn't mind you were there though,
in fact they thought the scared look on your face was priceless
and they wished you'd come over again.
They don't ask questions anymore
if that's what you're worried about.
They know that even if they asked I wouldn't have an answer.
Because like I said I asked you over and I don't know why.

I told you it was because my grandpa was sick and I was lonely.
Which is true and I really was.
But mostly I just wanted someone who knew my body to hold me.
I just wanted a night where I didn't have to be by myself
contemplating all the time I don't have left and all the things
I've still left unsaid.
Maybe I'm just in love when you're here and you shouldn't be.
And maybe I love you all the time but I hate you enough to not say it.
That makes no sense.
Neither does this.

I'm just screaming at walls that won't listen.
About how I could want you stay so badly but I don't need you here.
Your love's really nothing.
It's just something I've gotten so used to having that I expect it to be there.
All the time.
Even when
it makes no sense
for you to be kissing me like that or for telling me you'd stay up until I fell asleep.
I asked you over and I don't know why.
I'll keep asking you over and you'll keep coming but
we'll never really know why.

But I'd like it if you'd keep your hand there and not care
about what I'll feel like tomorrow or what I'll ask you to do next week.
I don't make sense anymore
but truly, I love you
and neither does this.

I fell infinitely in love with your voice after a cup of coffee and two menthol cigarettes and I love the way you smell like marijuana and whiskey and you. You look like the best beginnings and I wish I saw you in the stars I watch every night. The stars are tired of me wishing on them, wishing for you. I like the way you look in the morning and the way your eyes are like the clouds when you look at me. You are a supernova. You are like the welcoming warmth of my house in Winter. I'd build castles for you with my bare hands. I want to wake up and just watch you watching me. I want to wrap myself around you and kiss your neck and feel your pulse and write thank you letters to your parents for creating you. I want to whisper your name in the same sentence as ''you're mine''. I want you to agree. I want you to tell me that you're only mine, that you're always mine. I see you as a puzzle just waiting for my clumsy hands to put you together. I think about you every second. For once, it doesn't hurt to love someone this way. For once, I love someone that doesn't hate me for it. I've seen some beautiful things but none of them compare to the way you fall asleep next to me. You're the first person to look at me like I'm some kind of significant human being and I love you endlessly for that. I love you for saving me when everyone else thought I was beyond saving. I'd rather be sat in the passenger seat of your ****** old car with you than be anywhere else in the world. I'd go to the end of the earth with you. You make me feel alive. You make me want to be alive simply so I can hold the perfect image of you in my head. It hurts knowing you can't  see how wonderful you are. I want to make you feel alive. I want to be alive with you.

No one can truly ever know the pain one has felt.
For so many things in ones life can cause ones pain
All one ever really hopes for is to find and be truly happy
As a child happiness may seem like it comes from one thing.
As an adult happiness may seem like  it comes from something  totally different.
But in the end true happiness is what we all seek.
And we all seek it in some form of love.
For ever since i was a little girl all i dreamed if was this:
Finding this most amazing love.
Someone that would love me more then anything.
Ive been sad for as long as i can remember. Longing for this one true love. Needing it craving it longing for it. But i think today i finally realized all the pain and hurt i have caused myself in hopes of finding it. That truly in order to find the love i so badly want and crave. I must learn to love myself. Or i will never be able to trust that another could every truly love me.

She is warm blankets on a cold Sunday morning.
She is the reminder of better days to come on a Monday.
She is the late-night Tuesday jam sessions.
She is the unexpected "hello" on a boring Wednesday.
She is the cold coffee you grab on your way out the door Thursday.
She is the anticipation of the weekend on Friday afternoon.
She is the confidence lacing up your shoes for a Saturday night.
She is everything you want, and nothing you can have.