Tonight
I'm going to drink
until I feel profound,

and let unspoken words
carry me off to a glorious
drunken excuse for sleep.

Tonight
I just might dance

to four chords,
and pretend I'm just like
everyone else.

Tonight
I'll be cool, calm,
and collected

until I see your
stupid beautiful face.

Tonight
I'm going to tear
apart the woodwork,

because I've drunk too much
to let dead carpenters
tell me how to feel.

Tonight
I refuse to
feel a thing,

in order to send off
a year of feeling
too much for too little.

Tonight
I'm going to lie
until everyone thinks I'm okay,

simply because I can,
and it's the only thing
I'm still any good at.

Tonight
I'm going to **** the silence
by choking on my own words.

Tonight
I'll fight gossip with better gossip.

Tonight
I will move on.

Black out my eyes and don't let me speak,
for I know what to do with beauty
but it wants nothing to do with me.

Paint the sky with brilliant stripes,
to give a better reason for
my pupils to race at night.

Put her in the arms of someone else,
and ask me again
if I believe in Hell.

So lay me down and you won't hear a peep.
I may be silent
but I'll never sleep.

There's a place in the sea,
calling out to me.
It says "You're not as lonely
as you have to be.

And though you're on your own,
catching feelings that were never thrown,
look upon yourself and this will be known:
You have the purest heart beneath your bones.

So swim, swim out, and don't you dare stop.
Reach this island and climb to the top.
Here there are no worries of schools and shops;
just peace, serenity, and a nice clean drop."

"You threaten me with an end, but what for?"
"This is no end my friend, don't be a bore,
it's clear you've lost everything you adore,
but you've lost a battle and there's still a war.

So swim, swim out, and you'll find what you need.
Keep your hands open and I'll place in a seed.
Remember for what it is that you bleed,
and they'll follow you when you're ready to lead.

Because though you will be all alone,
catching feelings that were never thrown,
plant this here and it will be known,
you've found a castle all your own."

There's a place in the sea,
calling out to me,
where most men would drown
but I will be King.

What is the use of being on fire
if you can't share the warmth?

I sleep alone in a pile of ash.

What is the use of being a good swimmer
if you're too far underwater to come back up for air?

I'll rise clean soon if I'm not dead.

What is the use of speaking beautifully
if no one is listening?

I fall on deaf ears with clumsiness that would turn the drunkest men into ballet dancers.

What is the use in being useless?
What is the worth in being worthless?
Where is the end in a pain that feels endless?

Why do they care when I'm so careless?

I ask questions that have no answers,
and have answers to questions no one will ask.
If my life's goal was to be a soulsucking enigma,
then I'm all done now.  Riddle solved.
I could end the unknowable by doing the unthinkable.

But I'm not done.  I have two more things.
A heart that never did me any good,
and one more question with no answer.

How did you do it?
Cure the deafness,
make it to shore,
ember to inferno,
******* how?

I won't say I want to be you.
I couldn't without us laughing
an awkward silence
into oblivion.

But I marvel at your strength.
I want to prove them wrong
and have what I love
just like you proved them wrong
and have what I love.

You swept away the ash and I beg for your broom.

I'll make it out soon.
Until then,
try to love me anyway.
It's more than I deserve.