I find comfort in the place inside my head where I can think. A place forever changing with the instability of my emotional state. This special place is a canvas being painted as my life progresses, in the deep blues of despair and soft yellows of contentment. Borrowing smells, visions, and people of memories past and present to build a beautiful escape from reality. It is impossible to remember an exact moment in this place, as it, like all matter, is in a constant state of motion.
Somedays the bright light of early morning is shining in, the dust particles collecting and shimmering like glitter in the air. I can hear birds chirping, harmonizing with the soft, kind voices of my childhood. A hand reaches out to touch mine, their thumb stroking the top of my hand and their fingers tickling the inside of my palm, as if to say: “It's okay, you're here with me now”. Whose hand that is, I can never quite be sure.
There are times where I sit with my cheek against the cold damp window, watching the water scrambling and morphing into new shapes and sizes as it runs down the glass, listening to the rain pounding an unsteady rhythm to which the thunder and lightening dance. The looming darkness intensifies the sound of beating hearts and broken voices. But once again, a hand touches mine: “It's okay, you're here with me now”. Regardless of the emotions it may evoke and the darkness that may linger, it is always much safer than reality here.
At times I am alone in this place with only the babbling of a nearby brook, or the comforting melody of a familiar song to keep me company. Here, I am allowed to be in a moment without the threat of interruption. Here, I am able to think, to breathe.
It can be a place of panic, anguish, or even hopelessness; but no matter how it's ambiance is affected by my mental state, it will always be a place of stability.
In this moment, my special place is far from this room that confines me. It is full of the people I ache to see again, full of memories of times before bad decisions robbed me of all that meant anything in my life. The song “July” by Youth Lagoon is playing: “If I had never let go, then only God knows where I would be now. I built a bridge between us and then slowly burned it. Five years ago, in my backyard I sang love away. Little did I know that real love had not quite yet found me”.
Today it is a place of regret and desire, and the hand is one I long to hold again.
An in-class assignment on "My Special Place". 25 line poem or 400 word prose, I clearly chose the prose. Feel free to add grammatical corrections in a personal message.