On top of the highest mountain I have ever been
and I shouldn't stop
but the talk of the top
and the talk of it higher
and growing
producing more magma
expiring more gas-
it's frightening-
fighting to stay where I am
but if I let this grow
I'll be happy with the potential to fall
to be burned
to be solidified
among solid black rock
To be igneous.

They set me free awhile ago
I missed a few seasons
But im glad I missed the snow
I missed you too, baby
And our darling babies
Oh honey, it’s good to be home

As soon as I settle in
My life seems better
Until you walk out the door
My white coat matches
Your colleagues clothing
Which matches the shade of our door

And youre gone, youre gone
And you think its okay
You’re gone youre gone
And you think I’m okay
You’re gone you’re gone
Please come back from space

My self worth falls down the drain
And the tears fall out of my eyes
And the kids fall down at the playground
And the sane thoughts fall out of my mind
And my love pulls them back in a moment
But I know for sure that they’ll leave
Oh my self worth falls down the drain
And its something I’ll never retrieve

Oh, my children I love you
More than my clouded eyes can see
But theres a difference between loving and deserving
And I deserve misery
God tells me what I must be
And I deserve misery

The water runs out of the faucet
Filling our little bathtub
The newspapers will say that ive lost it
But I know what needs to be done
Twelve feet line up outside the door
Children its time for a bath

I can only imagine
you sobbing into your pillow at
each
and
every
moment
that your brain receives a free second to wander
and we all know how
haunting
that freedom is

A dog destined for the semi-truck
without a home
without a path
without the distractions you try your hardest to
place
ever
so
gently

You would never believe how sorry I am
You would
never
believe how sorry I am
and you would never be okay with a
‘I was in your position’
or with an
‘It all gets better’

I can only tell you that it does not just get better
Actively
try
to save yourself
before you let my
selfish
action
consume your beauty
If you want something, take it

I took it
I am sorry

Find yours again

What are you accomplishing Tessa?
Nothing, everyone
They say
what are you going to do?
I am going to write I say
Are you any good?
No I am the lousiest
I will go nowhere
You should try to do something
that will help you
progress
in the world
No I say
I am content I say
I am done pleasing you
I am not proud of you
they say
I sigh
Exhale another piece of gunk
from my lung
but I can finally breathe
I say
That is all that matters

More often than not
beating hearts find themselves
constricted
A forked tongue picks up
the scent of blood
and squeezes
until perhaps it receives
exactly what it wants
exactly what you think it needs

More often than not
beating hearts find themselves
scared
Though it hurts a little bit
it is comforting

and if the familiar slithers away
what would it receive
what would it feel but emptiness?

Normality.

The Driver was ignorant to my presence
as I was ignorant to the oncoming headlights

The vehicle slightly brushed me
but at fifty miles an hour it was just enough
to knock my confident self on my hide

They swerved and slowed
with no intention of actually stopping
and I lay there helpless for a long while

The Vultures swooped in next to my corpse
picking at my injuries intricately
ingesting the rotting flesh

The Soul I once possessed began to float away
and to my surprise the vicious birds followed,
pecking at the being stealing my own

My consciousness hit me like a late release pain killer
and I regretted my zombie-like life I lead
prior to my winged saviors arrival

My hooves, all four, hit the ground within milliseconds
of one another and I realize one thing
I am alive, I am free to graze, I will survive.

A ***** with naturally created dampness
causes me to lose my stride
and mess my moccasins.

How will this muddy mess be conquered
by my not so balanced state-
shaky even as I stand and ponder.

A friend is already on the other side,
as use was made of two delicately placed logs
but my trust for them is nonexistent.

I choose another log to complete the path,
heavier than I had imagined,
and I place it not so delicately in between the others.

Medium sized rocks penetrate the soles of my shoes,
and tease the nerves in my feet constantly.
They never pierce me fully and I am thankful.

My brain is set on numerous trains,
and the tracks, and railroad spikes.
I was warned but I was more than disappointed.

There was truly nothing there but garbage,
splinters of wood and scrap cloth
caked with mud and gravel.

There is some beauty in this trip.
The nostalgia I craved was nowhere in sight,
but that was not such a bad thing after a moment.

Sprinkled along the rocky path
little areas of beauty stood out through the vacancy.
There were daisies everywhere.