At the bottom of the ocean
Crushing crying
I'm choking
But I can see everyone up there
*They're breathing just fine.

I need a plan.
The consistency,
Something dependable.
The earth is on a schedule
The moon waxing and waning
The tides coming in and out
It's slow rotation
And oncoming seasons
The things I have come to rely on.
Today was an earthquake.
The planet shook in it's boots
As ceilings crumbled
And pipes burst
And lives snapped.
It was like the world stopped turning.
In the grand scheme of things,
Fault lines have shifted
Relieved of their tension
Regardless of my plans
Something needed to change.
It never comes when you want it to.
But no matter what happens,
The tides will continue to
Breathe in
And breathe out
Right on schedule
As we pick up the pieces again.

I loved you so hard.
So fiercely.
So much it hurt sometimes.
You taught me
I was worth loving.
My next lesson,
Without you here,
Is how to aim
All the love I had for you
At myself this time.

Still hooked on you
Like a fish on a line
Being dragged through the water
My lungs crushed by the weight
It's exhausting surviving this way.
You forgot to reel me in one day
A fish (a love) not worth saving.
I wish I could set myself free
Release this painful hook
And learn how to swim alone again.

I am certain I heard
My heart break that day.
Physically ripped in two pieces
By the same hands
That once held me close.
Every day I fight.
Every new stitch I make,
In an attempt to pull myself
Back together,
Is a piercing hole in my side.
I tell myself over and over,
Even painful progress
Is a step in the right direction.
In pain there is healing.
I will find myself again,
*And I won't need your help this time.

You've been gone so long
I can sleep at night
I can hear our songs
*Maybe I can actually move on.