there’s such thing as selective memory
that’s what my mom told me
apparently i have it
that’s what she told me too
see there are certain memories
i will never forget about my mom
they’re burned into my brain like a match to my skin that will never fade
and i cant help but notice
in the worst times
and in the best times
these memories
are what i turn to for support
first memory
it was last year
i had a best friend that had turned on me
she had other people
text me and tell me what a terrible person i was
i had targets on my back 24/7
they never left
their words hanging onto me
like burrs that stick to my clothes
and one night i was sitting at the counter
with my mom
and she tells me
she feels like i’m hiding something
like my spirit isn’t as high as usual
and so i tell her
i tell her about the girls
and about the boys
that are trying to make my life miserable
that are making me feel like i’m walking on thin ice
and any minute it could crack
and i could fall through
and she just sits there
and listens like it’s the most important thing in the world
so attentive
that even the sound of rocks falling
wouldn’t distract her from how i’m feeling right now
and when i finish
there’s a silence that hangs in the air
like a feather slowly falling
down
down
down
and then she speaks
and she says
tess i can feel your pain in your words
i know you’re hurting
i know it feels like this is never going to end
but trust me it will
and you know how i know that?
because you are a
bright
smart
kind
beautiful
intelligent
young woman
that isn’t gonna let this ruin her days
and these girls
they don’t have anything better to do
so they take their anger out on you
but you need to rise above
and be the better person that i know you **** well are
and that is the speech i always carry with me
it never leaves my side
that’s what gets me through
the hardest days
and i will never forget how i felt after she told me this
second memory
i was in the shower
when i heard my mom tell my dad my aunt that had stage four cancer just passed
she wasn’t expected to live much longer so i had been preparing myself for this news
but somehow when i heard it
it’s like i hadn’t prepared myself at all
it was like a tornado that was expected to come but still i hadn’t prepared myself with the right supplies
as im in the shower and i hear this news
my knees go weak
i sit down
and take it in
and cry
and let the water run down
not being able to tell the difference
between the water
and my tears
and when i’m finally able to stand up again
i get out of the shower
put on my clothes
go down stairs
and run into my moms arms
we are both crying
both feeling my aunt with us
knowing that even in these hard times
we are never ever alone
i stayed in my moms arms for so long
not wanting to let go
knowing if i did
i would have to come back to reality
so we stayed in each other’s arms
crying for so long
and in that moment i knew
i’d never be alone
there are so many memories my mom and i have made
and these memories are what will pull me out of the dark on the worst days
like a rope pulling me up
from a hole i’ve fallen in
not knowing what i would do if i didn’t have that rope
not knowing what i would do if i didn’t have my mom
she is what’s saved me from the darkest days
and she is what’s made the best days better
i love you mom