it's 4:30 am
i've woken up from another
nightmare,
this one was different
from the others,
because it wasn't about losing
you.
it was about losing
*myself.

they don't understand
what it's like to be sad
all the time

they don't understand
why i feel the need
of dragging a razor across my skin

they don't understand
how i can cry
for hours and never
feel any better

they don't understand
that behind this face a living
*i am long dead gone

when i think of you,
it's indescribable,
you saw I needed a friend
you saw that I was scared
but you talked to me,
and we became friends
good friends
and I loved you
so much
then I had times
of darkness
and you left
because I wasn't as good anymore.

I don't know
where you are,
where you sleep at night,
Or if I even cross your mind,
but I miss you
and I hope
your happy
like I've always
wanted you to be.

when i look at you,
i get
sad
nervous
scared
and
anxious
but that's
okay,
because i've never loved anyone
as much as
*i love you.

they ask me
why do i always
sleep,
even though
i never go outside,
i say nothing,
and the sadness
makes me fall
*asleep again.

love is when
someone grows
flowers,
in your
darkest places,
with the littlest
of light.

all i want is
to go home,
but i don’t know
where home is
anymore

i just want you
to love me,
the way i wish
i could love
myself.