Nima's not
in the mood
for the quacks

visiting
the mental
cases ward

coming round
in white coats
stethoscopes

and closed minds
she's outside
in the sun

that despite
the nurse’s
wanting her

on the ward
not outside
chain smoking

a doctor
with a nurse’s
comes outside

the doctor
not happy
you should be

on the ward
for our rounds
not out here

the quack said
Nima sits
on a seat

her legs crossed
the night dress
with no belt

reveals sight
of her thighs
and she smiles

at the spark
alive there
in his eyes.

I meet Nima
on the Embankment
behind Charing Cross
underground station.

She's waiting for me
with hands in the pockets
of her coat,
collar turned up,
looking down
into the Thames.

I cross over the road
towards her,
her back is facing me,
slim figure,
hair tied back
in a ponytail.

Been waiting long?
I say.

She turns and her eyes
are tired and drained.

Not long;
been looking
at the water,
she says.

She kisses me,
puts her arms
around my waist.

What's in the bag?
She asks.

I bought a LP
at Dobell's Jazz Shop.

She takes the bag
and looks inside.

Might have guessed
it would be jazz.

She hands me
back the bag.

How are things
at the hospital?

She shrugs
her shoulders.

Difficult;
the ******* want me
to do this and that;
had a job
to get out today,
she says.

Let's go get a drink
and chat,
I suggest.

She nods and we
walk up towards
Charing Cross Road.

So how did you
get out after all?

I sneaked out,
she says,
got some clothes
and here I am.

Whose clothes?

Don't know;
underwear are mine,
the rest I borrowed,
she says.

Won't they be looking
for you at the hospital?
I ask.

Who cares.

We take a coffee
in a cafe off
Charing Cross Road
and sit down.

You're a drug addict,
they're bound to be
looking for you,
I say.

I wanted to see you;
needed to get out
of that hell hole
and the **** nurse
and quacks,
she says.

I give her a cigarette
and take one myself
and light up.

Don't you want
to see me?
She says.

Sure I do,
but I'm worried about you.

Don't worry.

I do.

She inhales
and looks at me.

I want *** and a fix,
she says,
I know where
I could a fix,
but I want ***
with you, Benny,
not just anyone.  

I look around
at the those nearby
in the cafe
who heard her.

She closes her eyes.
I know,
no place available,
some nights
I’m that desperate
I fancy the night nurse.

I raise my eyebrows.

I don't,
just saying,
she says,
her closed eyes still,
unmoving.

I recall the quickie
at the hospital that time.

I look at her
sitting there,
eyes closed,
cigarette smoke
rising in the air.

Benny's here!
Milka's mother
calls out
up the stairs

where Milka
is still in bed
thinking of where
she and Benny

could go
to have ***-
her place is out
as her mother

is in all day
and Benny's place
is out
for the same reason-

and although Benny
had said something
about a place
they could go

a bike ride away-
meaning that even
after a good soak
in the bath

she'd not be
smelling as fresh
as a rose-
but as she rises

from bed she's aware
of even that
possibility is out
as splat

blood rises
with her
the dreaded curse
or Aunt Red or Flo

has come
and o ****
she says
and rushes along

the upstairs landing
and into the bathroom
and shutting the door
with a teenage

girl temper
that's all I ****** need
she utters
spittle on her lower lip

turning on the bath taps
putting the bath plug in
and *******
and thinking

of the Saturday-
the only day effectively
she can see Benny
as he at 16

works weekdays
and she at 15
is still at school-
and Sundays

her parent's say
is a family day
and church day
and even if she did

see Benny on Sunday
which she rarely does
there is no place to go
to have ***

and only the cinema
is open and late
in the day
she gets in the bath

once it is at
the right temperature
and sits down
and using her mother's

bath stuff
she lies down
and curses
and washes  

and knows Benny
is downstairs
with her mother
and God knows

what she's saying
about me
Milka says
and now this

the big spoiler
the arrival of Aunt Flo
o ****
she says

washing and cleaning
and imagining she
and Benny
as they did the last time

having *** in her bed
while her mother
was out shopping
and she coming

back early
and they almost
getting caught
and  o Benny

he is a one
and her  mother likes him
and he saying things
and she believing him

and now that
is done for now
just them together
going out-

not too late
her mother will say-
no chance of it happening
and so she lies

back in the water
cursing and swearing
Milka's mother's
angry daughter.

Milka's mother
makes me
a cup of tea
as I wait for Milka
downstairs.

She'll not be long,
her mother says,
although don't
hold your breath,
Benny,
she adds,
smiling.

I like her smile;
it's like warm milk
of a motherly kind.

I sip the tea,
looking as her mother
walks from the sink
to the cupboard;
her plump body
cosy as a cat's
snuggled up close,
her backside swaying
like waves of water.

She doesn't deserve you,
her mother says,
giving me
a brief glance,
you are so patient
with her,
waiting for her,
doing things for her.

I recall Milka
dressing madly,
after the last
*** episode,
and her mother
downstairs,
having returned
from shopping early,
Milka flushed,
and I,
well, I was
in a trance,
dressing as fast
as I could,
thinking of reasons
to be in Milka's room.  

Would you like something
with the tea?
The mother asks,
looking at me,
her eyes searching me.

I try not to say
what's on my mind
and say,
a biscuit would be nice.

She smiles and goes
and fetches the biscuit tin
and opens it for me.

Help yourself,
she says.

She has very nice *******,
I note,
not staring,
but noticing as
she nears me.

I nibble and sip.

Milka is upstairs
getting ready
to go out,
taking her time,
while her mother
seduces me,
unwittingly.

I smile.

Is that,
I muse,
a crime?

And John sees
passing trees
fields

cottages
lanes
sky

birds in sky
sees his reflection
in the bus window

going and coming
and going
the other kids

on the bus
most not all
talking and laughing

the bus radio
blaring out
some song

but he tries to focus
on the girl's name
she told him

and well it has gone
but he pictures
her still

thin wire spectacles
dark hair
a grip at the side

and that look of hers
as if she saw
into his soul

fool no such thing
but it seems so
and he sighs

can't recall
the name
her tie

was untied
loosely
dark eyes

he thinks
small ****
he kind

of recalls
but the name
even has he stares

at the passing view
her name
has gone too.

Sheila stares
at the wall
of her room

on her bed
thoughts on John
what he said

his soft touch
of her hand
as he got

on the bus
leaving her
standing there

at the school
tomorrow
we will talk

he had said
she lies there
on her bed

on her side
staring hard
other thoughts

pushed aside
her mother
is downstairs

finishing
the washing
the dinner

is cooking
her brother's
in his room

listening
to Elvis
she can hear

the LP
being played
too loudly

she moves on
to her back
staring at

the ceiling
trying to
cope with this

inner love
sick feeling.

Sheila waits
by the school bus
where she'd seen
the boy John

leave that morning
and she thinks
that if she can see him
before he gets on the bus

she might settle
for her mind and heart
how he feels
if he feels about her

other kids are coming out
of the school
some going home on foot
some getting on

to school coaches
or buses
she adjusts
her thin wired spectacles

on the bridge
of her nose
pulls her school tie neater  
and pats her hair to tidy

she focuses
on the entrances
and exits
but still no sign of him

she's nervous
and uncertain
of herself
or her mission

it seems to her
as if the boy
occupies
her whole mind

at that moment
she feels as if
her life is upside down
and she hasn't

even spoken to him yet
just seen him pass by
and he seemed -
she's certain-

to smile at her
she doesn't know
what to do
with her thin hands

she tucks them
into her coat
out of the way
like unsettled children

then she sees him
coming out
of the exit
with a boy

named Rennie
they pause
laugh and talk
and laugh again

then part
and Rennie goes off
his own way
and the boy John

comes towards her
she's unsure
if she can speak to him
she panics

looks at him
he approaches the bus
and she says
can I speak with you?

he stands there
gazing at her
for a moment
sure but it'll

have to be quick
as my bus goes soon
he says
she walks away

a bit from the bus
and he follows
can I hang around
with you?

she utters shyly
hang around?
John says
she flushes red

be your friend?
she says
looking at his
brown hair

with a quiff
and his hazel eyes
peering at her
he studies her

looks at the bus
at her again
what's your name?
he asks

Sheila
she says
he smiles
sure

but we'll have to talk
about it tomorrow
as I must go
he says

and he touches
her hand
then climbs the bus
and walks along

the aisle
and out of sight
on the bus
she stands there

gazing up at the bus
wondering if she'll
see him
but the bus starts up

and drives away
and she looks hopefully
at the bus as it departs
but there is

no sign of him
at the window
so she holds onto
his image

and watches
the bus go.