Let your life ending
be an example to me

I cannot go like that.

I must stay here.
For so many reasons, I must stay.

here i am again
trying to write something down
that makes sense
when nothing seems to make sense
i can't quite remember when it used to

an old friend killed herself three nights ago
and i still can't think of much else
than the time she wrote me
asking me if she could use one of my simple songs
to help tell a story
or the time she started dating the man
who tried to date me
how silly life seems
right now
as i sit on a stranger's bed
writing out my failures
strung out before me

Brianna,
your voice haunts me
as you sing about heartbreak in a room with no walls
the space enveloped around you

i wish we had more time
i wish i could have told you more
more than anything, i wish i could have listened

to anything you wished to share
to everything you couldn't speak

i wish we had more time.

neon time capsule
hung over our heads
half broken thoughts where drunks stupor
i stared past, right into you
as you waved your body in front of this one woman crowd
i bow
to all that is implied of you
how does one handle such grace?
where does one define such feeling?
when time is nothing but fleeting
but you are nothing but faith,
to me.
i rally my head around and
i finger the emblem of knowing
that this body before me
is infinite.

i think
how strange
to have a broken heart
to feel any loss at all
when we control not a thing

most times i feel okay
sometimes, you even cross my mind
and i don't flinch anymore
most times

i stare out
knowing
that i am where i should be
never knowing
just aligning
life is taking it's time
and who i am to try to stop it
or change it
i will stand in awe anyway
overwhelmed with it's tidal change

morning;
your skin tethered to the side of the bed
parallel to mine
i never took it for granted
not once
the way your thigh felt against my thigh
tones darker
tones collide
noon;
i would full myself up with you
and bleed into the hours
until one and one were fused
nothing felt wasted then
solemn and new
night;
i forgive the night
for turning it's back
for losing
in truth

i cannot shake you
i'd like to
i would prefer to
but since i cannot find the reason
nor the lesson
i fumble with my hands
before bed now
you humbled my being
and i guess i needed that
this beat down heart
never needed another beating
but there you went
i slow my breaths
how strange we humans
adapt