in a perfect world

i took a joint
from the nightstand
he'll never know
she took my heart
from the walls i built up
she'll never know

be gentle
be gentle with yourself
for the times i will not

and i promise you
i wish i held grace
but i know none
when it comes to love
darling

i can't stop listening to this song

i can't stop
well, i'll at least commit to something

i write
so i don't tell you
think of it as
a form of protection
of a way that you won't have to deal
nor address
maybe you'll read this
maybe it'll make you feel something
most likely not
in either scenario

i am reminded
of when
you gave me the People magazine that had haunted me my entire life
in that moment,
i knew love

i am reminded of my body beneath you
your chest inches above mine
as you were inside of me
you told me you loved me
and i held back tears
in that moment,
i knew love

i am reminded of waking up next to you
in one of our beds
the countless times
your naked back
shoulders pressed against my chin
in that moment,
i knew love

i am reminded of you making the
effort to come visit me
long taxi rides, even longer bus rides
and you'd wait for me at the bar
at my work
seat 3 always
and you would not be able to stop looking at me
with your nervous, beautiful eyes
in that moment,
i knew love

i am reminded of driving
you
smoking beside you
in that moment,
i knew friendship

i am reminded of you
and i am reminded of everyone not you
and i have only felt this way
about one other person
and i know she will forever haunt me
and i question whether or not you will too
true love
heavy love
is what i felt for you.

and here you are
looking
beside me
inside me
i cannot see beyond it
beyond you
i feel your absence
i see into it
looking away
logic would say that i should not miss you this much
being the short time we have known each other
but logic has nothing to do with tonight

This gin
It ain't workin
But I'm trying
And this conversation having around me
Only reminds me that you are not the one talking
So I am in this bathroom
In a bar I won't remember tomorrow
Thinking of you
My darling
You