Where would I not follow you, friend?
Show me a depth of Hell to which your soul hasn't plunged,
the bottom of the ocean has known your touch,
the sky waiting for you to emerge
once again like a little mermaid

The Fall seems to follow each Summer,
skin marred with freckles like the lips
of the sun were planting fiery kisses on your shoulder blades

You who know triumph like Ali in a ten round match that lasted 45,
fists bloodied and raised over head, teeth knocked in,
still standing

You who can bring a grown man to his knees, but choose instead to lift him up, like you lift me up
You who know the theory that connects all our atoms to those inside a clock, one whose hand somehow pointed you to me,
like the needle in a compass redirects us

An imprint, resembling something like a fossil, left on the heart of those you have loved
People cling to you like they already know how good you are before you're gone

Surely I would follow you, whose steps sound like a melody, your voice like a song that rings in my ears,
a siren call to end a lifelong reverie,
and which sounds, unmistakably, like home

I've heard perception is everything
Though depth was never really mine
Surface life of a girl dragged under
Seeped in irony, fall in line

Maybe my reality is a compromise
(Though I **** sure never will)
A necessary concession to get through this moment
Every new second brings new things to feel

Appearances are the most convincing
Which emotions do you fake?
Waking life can't really be so nightmarish
**** this give and take

His spit tastes like salvation
I finally discovered the power one finds in a **** good kiss
Body hanging above mine, suspended on arms into which I collapse
Skin cells meet in a chemical reaction that explodes,
Leaving me breathless and gasping
Chest heaving, rising
Christ rose three days later, but the sweat that fell from his brow as he hung on the cross never stung my eyes like His does

I swear He speaks in parables like you, Lord
He even baptized me in His holy water.
I lace my fingers between His and whisper prayers every night,
But He never hears them.
His love pours out on me as if the Great Flood were upon us once more,
And we sneak behind the confession booth to ****.

I say ten Hail Marys as I'm down on my knees.
The Bible tells us love is the greatest of all.
I offer Him my body, like Christ did.
He knocks and my door flies open.
He seeks me out and I am found.
He asks me to give him my all and he receives me.
And in this joining heaven is found.

The steps you took to my heart sadly resemble the tracks on your arms you tried to hide from sight,
and I told myself with patience I could surround you with light and we'd live in darkness no more

I've learned circumstances won't change just because love means they should,
and you won't stop killing yourself though you swore to yourself you could.
Please know I can't be there to see the end of it

So convince me once more to call you mine
I've never belonged to anyone, yet when I hear you cry "I need you," I begin to cross that line.
Let's see how far I get this time.

Stop living like you're already dead;
I promise nothing's as bad as gone.
Love yourself and then me, I'll be there as long as I can.
You're in and out and always in my head

I lost my mind two days after you left
And I just now got it back
But you'll never hear a word of this
We're a runaway train jumping the track

The truth is I may have what you need
And I wanted to carry your past
But my heart has never been wired that way
Marked from the start, we weren't meant to last

Callused hands always left me raw
Your parts rubbing mine to the bone
An exposure too real to handle
I'm just better when I'm alone

You look me up and down and whisper
"you're perfect."
It takes all the strength I have not to roll my eyes.
Tell me how many times you've had me all figured out,
only to then learn you didn't know me at all.

You ask how my day went,
but never wanted to know how many hearts that I've broken (13),
or whether or not I smiled to myself as I heard them snap (usually),
never pausing for a second to glance back

Don't say that I'm beautiful when you've never spared a look at the ugliness inside me.
You tell me I complete you.
But what if I've always been whole on my own?

Will our love still be enchanting and magic once you've discovered I'm the Wicked Witch?

Catching my eye in a crowded room and all you expect of me is mirrored back.
Faking shy, my gaze lowers.
For love has always left me breathless.
But in the suffocating style, at best

Here I stand a liar
in a world where the truth is said to be absolute
and a God may or may not exist to punish the wicked and unjust
(hint: God is only what you think of yourself in your head)

and I ask if anyone of us is even worth saving.
But then I remember the nights when group sing-a-longs and metaphysical I-spy were the noises that made my heart hum, too
(hint: treasure the time spent laughing with friends before they die. Really, truly).

I remember the way my little sister used to hold my hand as we crossed the street until my reach embarrassed her,
and I bring to mind the nights my baby brother fell asleep on my chest, which was a perfect fit for his head
(hint: no one can stay young forever).

And so tell me why I keep on living
even after all the reasons I've been given to stop.
I walk around streets just watching people move and I know
the ineffability of humankind is found with the word humanity
(hint: it's when a person can still be kind when they have lost all they had).

I walk across a field everyday where four kids were slain,
and I wonder if I'm the only one who stops and remembers them.
I always count off 13 seconds in my head
then quicken my step because I've got

work in five, a bus to catch, or my professor may start talking without me there to record her thoughts.
And I know I can't be late for that.

My boss's boss makes some six figures annually.
I've seen him in his office, arms folded behind his head, feet on the desk, staring out the window all day.
Thank your parents for his salary. Or the government. Thank yourself.

I'm a cog in the societal machine that turns backwards.
Surrounded by people forging ahead as fast as they can move.
But no one has seemed to catch me yet.

Maybe my opposite motion makes the whole **** thing function,
perhaps I'm necessary to the cause after all.
Just as those kids now younger than I am
were needed to stop the machine
dead in its tracks.

I believe Heaven is real because I know someone like you can't simply stop living once your time is up,
and when people would say there's a reason for everything that happens
I would laugh.
Because surely they had never seen the dark side of a human soul as I had and it was all for what reason?
But then I met you and it all started making sense.

We found each other at a time when life had just opened up for me.
How quickly you became the home I never knew I wanted.
Weeks came and went and we changed with the days,
friends we loved dearly we forgot,
while others we still remember daily were ripped from our chests.
Your heart smashed to pieces like glass shattering on a floor,
and mine mangled and never healed,
we forged new ones together.
Now I carry you with me every place that I go.

When miles separated us we grew stronger,
a vow spoken without words that neither can break.
Each shadow of my thoughts that seems to haunt me
is no longer feared when you reach out with your words like light.
The truth I look for when nothing seems sound is always where you are.
You're my sense of reality though madness fills my mind.

Some days I feel I am composed of unlovable parts,
that the demons of my past have taken me captive forever,
but then you tell me to you I am good enough,
and in the nick of time you have saved me once again.

My sorry soul is tired
I swear I haven't slept in years
But last night it felt like you might offer respite
And so tell me why my nerves of steel put bars around my heart

So what if the voices never shut up
And the weight on my chest doesn't budge?
I'll join the millions of others always drowning
One day I'll wake up and I'll have nothing left

Busting my *** to catch busses that already passed by
Working long hours with both ends burning but there's barely a wick
You should see how I torch everything around me
A poisonous drug leaving mass destruction in my wake

And I've lived a million lives but mine just started
How can a person seem so aged?
If only I could sleep but a minute
Sail off into nothingness on a burning funeral pyre

I'll never forget how the foam spilled off the top of the first beer I ever drank from a keg
Back in those days when the map from your front yard swing to mine (no matter how many times my address changed) was pressed in my head like the flowers we picked were pressed between the pages of our favorite poems

16 flew by in such a blur
Our sun kissed skin met our shoulders, showing scars from summer days spent driving too fast with the top down
Your father let you drive the LeBaron, our backs as flat as the seats would allow, watching the day turn into night
Wishing forever on shooting stars

The smoked passed from our lips as we whispered our deepest secrets in our bedroom
Shared on the day you found I needed a home
It's always you who knew all the parts to me, and we learned to grow in love
18 came and went like the boys our mouths would tire from talking of, but whose lips we longed to taste just once more

Now your home is found so far from mine
Yet somehow it's wherever I am
Sister, you'll always have a place with me

Remember the nights our bones rested together?
The burn of my cigarette in the dark night looks just like the stars we wished upon back then
You can follow the sound of my heart still beating for you
And you'll always know where our home is

I left my heart on your bedside table
Right next to our pack of Reds
When you walked out this morning, I noticed you didn't take it with you

I've started to wonder if I'll ever look at life the same
Isn't it crazy how one person does that to another?
Never wanting, til you, to call someone mine

The number of seconds found in a day seem too few now
Tell me the ways to watch you come undone
I'll be here when morning arrives to put your pieces back in

Always patiently awaiting your touch, love
To see you come through the door and break down my walls
How long will my breath be held tonight, love?

And sometimes I take baths at six in the morning in tubs that aren't my own.
And sometimes I drink too much whiskey and tell people that they’ll never actually understand anything. And when authority figures talk to me I can’t help but to rebel. And yesterday was my 22nd birthday, but I asked you not to call. And as I blow out candles on a cake you’ll never make me again I wish for a time when I thought you truly cared. And as I look around the room at those smiling faces who chose me, I am reminded that blood is no thicker than water when you have parents too ashamed to look at their daughter.

I believe that watching the sun set restores a portion to every man's soul.
I believe that all people have a right to feel listened to.

And I know that I will see better days soon where I can breathe more easily.
I can't say how my future will go. Yet I have faith in myself and know I will persevere.

Times will come when no matter how hard you try to fix all the holes in the roof of your life, rain will still get through.
There will even be times when you can hear the rain hitting harder and harder, and more and more water will slip in, and then you'll really feel ******.

Someone once told me it's impossible to eat a whole elephant all at once.
You have to take it bite by bite.
I think it's all the same, though.
You can't patch up every hole that's letting in water all at once.
Sometimes you just have to put a bucket down beneath and move to the next leak.

You may even face times when you have exhausted yourself trying to patch all your leaks that keep springing loose.
You will have run out of buckets and pans both, and you're slowly sinking.
That's when it's okay to ask for help from the people you know love you.

I hope, too that you will see days when you don't mind falling in love with life
despite how ****** she may be.
On these days, may you ditch the effort to fix those leaks and go outside and play in the rain.

There are days when you wake up and your body is not your own.
And if you could just peel off your skin for a second, you would surely find a hollowness that doesn't end.
And you don't know what's right or if you're on the right track, and even the things you love feel far away.

You may not feel worthy enough to take comfort. But that's okay. Tomorrow will be better.
And if not, the next day has to be.

And somedays you wake up and you're on.
I mean, you know exactly who the ******* are. And you feel unstoppable.

And your mind doesn't feel so treacherous.
And the blood in your veins no longer feels venemous.

And if you peel back your skin for just a second, you would find you who are,
and were once before, and will eventually be.

If I tell you infinite nothingness awaits us all
but that I'd still like to see you tomorrow,
and that even though everything is destined to end,
and the road to Hell is paved with people
who thought otherwise,
I never feel more at ease
than when I'm by your side

If I tell you my heart can't be thawed
but still invite you in tonight,
what I really mean is that
you are my ******* savior.
You brought me back to life
when you entered into mine

In the morning light I think of you.
Your face stares up at me in the reflection
of the black coffee I drink.
If I tell you my body misses the feeling of yours
when not beside mine,
what I mean is the energy that pours out of you
wakes me up when you enter the room.

If I tell you I am filled with sorrow
but wont tell you from which part of me it comes,
I only mean to protect you.
But I promise that sadness only leaves
when you're around.

As you can see I may be
rough around the edges.
When I tell you not to leave just yet,
what it means is that I soften at your touch.
If I tell you we were doomed from the start,
what I mean is it's actually okay if
you end up breaking my heart.

The truth about forever?
It's funny you should ask
You see, forever is just fear
Hiding behind a mask

The truth about forever?
I'm afraid it's a bit absurd
It's no more than a statement, a lie
Actually, forever is just a word

The truth about forever?
For some it's hard to see
They put up blinders, act naive
Forever is simply a plea

The truth about forever?
Well there's no truth at all
Might be hard to stomach, friend
but if you believe in forever, get ready to fall

The truth about forever?
It's all just an act
There really is no forever
Live and love, you'll learn this fact

My mother used to tell me that only I
could make myself happy; it all starts there.
But she's never tasted the bittersweet smoke
your lips pour into my lungs.
She said "baby girl, you can't build your life
around just one person."
But never said a word abut finding home in your bed.
My father warned me about guys like you...
The ones who remind me of him.
But he's never seen your eyes glow
in moonlight like fire.
He told me I love too easily,
that my trust is slow to build.
But where was he the night you broke
your way through my defenses?
I tried to be the girl they'd be proud of,
except only you ******* undone.
And I can't remember what worry
looks like on my mother's face anymore.
And I haven't caught a whiff of my
father's cologne in years.
So maybe they don't have me all figured out,
yet maybe neither do you.

It was the song booming from the speakers around us that made our meeting so special.
13 months later, as you walked out the door of our one bedroom **** hole we called home, I finally figured this out.

You said it was the black dress I wore with such little care.
Whispered softly to me back in those days when love was found in the never fully touching infinity signs
I traced with my tongue on your skin.

It was some new aged electric mix my friends had found for when we were rolling.
Telling the story of a girl plagued by desire for someone she loathed.

When you first said "I love you," the subway roared by, and you thought I hadn't heard.
The second time I was only pretending to be asleep.

When I finally let you crack me open, you looked around and smiled.
I felt more beautiful than I really was, and I told you I loved you too.

You climbed inside of me night after night looking for yourself.
Your lips are still burned on my skin from the fire they created.

I found that song we danced to when your eyes met mine for the first time.
It's playing for you and if you can hear it, know my skin might crawl when I look at you,
but it's your treacherous touch I crave.

Sometimes there are so many stars out that I'm afraid
I'll waste my whole night looking at every single one.

Sometimes the moon has been carved up and is waning;
a crescent that seems as frail as I feel.

I walk around the snowy streets, life bouncing off crystals
found under foot. Night is lit like day.

Then there are nights when I'm as full as the moon,
when wolves gather and howl at me.

Still sometimes the new moon leaves the sky all together
and takes me with as it disappears.

The Sun loved the Moon before the word even took form,
but their lights allow them together only on stolen time.

Grabbing the Sun's lips and finally touching them to the Moon's,
I am reborn as the child they create.

And the world wont know what hit it.

When I was a kid I read a story about a little boy called Max
who let his imagination take him to
The Land of the Wild Things.

In this jungle, the Wild Things were terrifying
monsters who roamed about free.
Max, the mischievous child I read about,
ruled the land as their king.

Well it wasn't too long before Max realized,
this was no place for a boy to be.
He sailed back through his imaginary sea,
right back to his form of reality.

I was younger even than Max when my eyes
first met my monsters.
Except unlike him I chose not to leave.
Still ruling their land years later,
I serve as Queen.

To miss someone is pretty selfish business
And yet we're all guilty as can be
Even when I say I miss you
I'm really just thinking of me

My friends and I know how to live
Staying up for days on end
Barely making it past the **** life can give
I think we clean up nicely all the same

My friends and I know what's up
Sleeping through class, dodging deadlines
Can't pay our rent but we fill our cup
Raise a glass to the ones insane

My friends and I are family
Saving me every Gotdamn day
In the dark of storms the light I see
Giving each other our unneeded shame

My friends and I have seen tragedy
Felt the sting of lives ripped away
What we do to ourselves to escape the apathy
Hard to accept, but we can't be to blame

My friends and I are one of a kind
Doing what we need to get by
Wishing precious time away, looking for rewind
Souls in distress finally tame

If I could go back in time,
fight the demons you had to face,
I'd trade my tomorrows to see you shine,
carry you to the end of the race.

From this day forward,
know I've got your back.
I'm on your team through it all.
Let me make up what you lack,

We all need someone who gets it,
the person you need never explain.
You're not fooling me with the front you wear well.
A winning act, but I see the pain.

The storms that seem too impossible,
they are nothing to you and me.
Look at how far we've already come.
Caged Bird, I'm here to set you free.

Love, you seem so sad and lonely.
Wont you dry your heavy eyes?
"I promise I wont ever leave you..."
foundations built on these lies

You've come so far with all that baggage,
surely you must be spent.
Let me carry the weight and put you to bed
tomorrow you'll see that I went

Place your trembling hands in mine
For I can bear it all
Softly tell me your fears and what moves you
I like getting you high before you fall

Some people say miracles don't exist.
Well, when every day of your life is a struggle and you make it to the next in spite of the overwhelming desire to jump off a building, you're performing one.

The setting sun promises me that if I can make it through the night I'll get to watch it rise again.
The bus driver that let me ride for free because I had forgotten my wallet and he said he had seen me before saved me last Thursday.

My professor who noticed my smile was smaller last lecture told me no matter how reluctant I may be to laugh, to do so all the same. That night, I went to bed for her.

Sometimes my to-do list is full of things that I've already done.
And crossing those completed tasks off the paper reminds me not to carve that list into my skin.

And it's been such a hell of a year and it's been such a long time since I was able to walk in the light.
But my eyes have begun to adjust in the darkness. And I think I'll be all right.

Every kid had the plans for grandeur
They wanted to sing in a band
Or to walk across a cat walk
To run on a field, talk the big talk
Feel the pigskin leave their hand

They wanted to save the people from the fire
Face the flames head on, be a hero
Die a noble death, be a noble guy
Or girl. Feel the world at their tips,
Watching the smoke rise up higher, higher

It's all about the push and pull,
The invisible force that pushes and pulls us
To be greater, to be the best
It’s a fool’s dream you'll learn,
But until then all you can do is just burn

“There will come a time,” I say
“When all you had hoped to be
will simply be no more.“
Every truth empty,
Like the last sip of bourbon warming your tongue

So taste the sorrow, lick the sin
Who dropped us in this corrupt world?
Who taught us the hate to which we cleave?
Blind leading the blind into a bottomless pit,
A dark world that’s no longer lit

All your hopes? They’re worth nothing
Your dreams slip away like the sanity you pretend to have.
Never enough of it. But what’s enough?
This addictive sadness seems to buy you time,
In the end it’s the same. We all die.

He carried her on his shoulders
And for a moment she could fly
Hanging high above it all
Taking a piece of the cotton candy sky

Holding hands and walking,
He whistled her favorite song
She knew every line by heart
Knowing just where she belonged

But then happy days became fewer
And kisses goodnight went away
The little girl sat reeling
Praying for a better day

Then no one carried her up high
For they couldn’t bear the weight of the guilt
And music became but a memory
And she’s trapped in a house that sorrow built

But she found other ways to taste the sky
And she wishes on stars at night,
Giving the moon a blow,
And she wonders if she’s doing this right

She carries her prison with her
Seldom letting herself forget
And if home is where the heart is,
She and her misery are set

I have come to learn that life rarely stops for anyone,
And if you need a sec to catch your breath,
You better to get ready to chase down the train and jump back on

And the sliding door will be closing
And if you don’t run fast enough,
You’ll see your only chance of escape fly right by you

But I have learned that sometimes to-do lists offer respite,
And that person you never noticed may hold open the door for you,
And even wait until your shoe is tied before closing it

And that’s when the struggle to find happiness, some meaning to life
Comes a little bit closer to ending
And I guess that’s what makes it all worth anything

Who decides the price of your dreams?
Hope’s the only thing you've got on your side
Finding courage never before known
Figure out life’s nothing if not an unknown ride

Where do you go when your pride is gone?
Longing for your familiar past
You search for something that makes sense
But finally discover nothing can ever last

What determines the worth of a soul?
When your back’s against the wall
You get the strength to keep living
Forcing yourself forward through it all

When do we ever get a break?
So tired of persevering, waiting for fresh air
Clarity seems to have vanished
Hanging on to something, relativity is rarely fair

How does it look to be happy?
To finally be content
Were all part of one big riddle
The answer: life is but ours to rent

No one values a damaged soul.
Like a present that isn't wanted,
it’s taken back as soon as it's seen.

Are you feeling this like I am?
Or am I only wasting my breath?
You've got the sweetest eyes around these parts
But I know they could spell my death

Reach out some more and grab hold of faith
I’ll be right there by your side
Everything about you has me on edge
It’s wearing away at my pride

This static between us is too much to bear
I feel my resolve giving in
I’d be foolish to say yes but you make it so hard
Haven’t you heard? Love’s the new sin

With so many reasons not to try
I know we’ll make quite a mess
But at the end of the day you've still got me
I wish I could love you less

She said she'd rather glow in the city than fade out like the stars
she wishes on at night

never one for big decisions,
or finality...
finishing what she started...

because in 13,000 years,
the North Star will change directions,
and she was never very good at finding home on her own

The ink has dried on your forehead from where it rested so forcibly
on your hand
which had been stamped with the name of some bar you can't remember,
but it was held by a stranger all the same as you left.

And the only proof that last night even happened is on the sidewalk downtown.

It's a fractured piece of a tiara which told the world "I'm 21!" but didn't actually make you feel very royal, but it was enough, you thought all the same, to be enough for a while.

Except now you're awake and so unbelievably ******* sober and each second allows for more remembering and oh **** no, you don't want that. So you grab your heels and tip toe quietly out the door because no one needs another reason to feel sorry, and life is hard enough as it is all the same.

Your memory is bigger than the ocean
that I filled with tears the day after
you left.

And I wont tell you I miss you
because it should go without saying,

but I can't take another breath until you're here
and you are staying.

It's not a set location,
but really a frame of mind.
It's a release of tension,
body slowly unwinds.

The sharp gasp of breath
which brings me back to earth.
My eyes find yours,
and I find my worth.

Some days my body is a temple and I a goddess.
I walk around untouchable,
first do no harm,
I am impenetrable.
And no one can *******
down.

Avoiding your eyes, I glance at the clock.
You're officially 13 minutes late for work,
But like you've told me a million times,
no one at your office "gives a ****."

If you're waiting on me to say
All that you want to hear
Before leaving, I assure you,
No one will be getting their coffee from you today.

"Some days I feel like my skins about to bust open
from all the **** I have inside me. Do you ever feel that way?"
"Just about everyday," I say in my head. To you I say
"I thought you said I was rather empty inside."

The light that vanishes from your face tells
Me I reached my mark. Defeated, you grab
your keys and silently leave. But in my head
I asked you to stay.

Watching the sun's rays dance back and forth
With the tiny crystals that launch me into the sky
Found on the leaves of the trees I burn to get by

And I'm still replaying what you said when you left
Haven't slept in about six days
Staring at the ground, eyes start to glaze

Now my friends have started to worry
I think they even watched me lose my mind
Guess there was never much to find

All these drugs I need to get through the day
You said they make me speed by in a hurry
I gasped. Please hold still, this whole scene's blurry

It never looks the way you expected,
but it's a sight to see all the same.
You never end up where you planned to go,
but in the end you're glad you came.

The neon lights of Main Street
glow brighter than any star.
She hasn't been home in ten months,
but she knows her way to the bar.

Checking herself in the mirror,
she smooths the wrinkles in her dress.
When leaving for work this morning
she didn't seem quite a mess.

The bartender already knows her order.
Drink goes back and the liquid fire soothes her insides.
She steps out into the dark night once more,
ready to find where the monsters hide.