i am sitting in a building i wish was on fire
me sitting still trapped inside it
not wishing for anyone to find me just
hoping i pass out before my insides start boiling

i am in class with a man i hope would choke
eyes locked with mine
i don’t want him to die just understand
what the vice these assignments have around me

i forgot how much i enjoyed seeing life stay silent
still as i watch from above.
trees brush past the windows reaching for life
eyes trained on one spot forever changing.
on the other side of these panes of glass life is loud
quivering along with heartbeats of plenty
breath pushes past all kinds of lips and it’s finding life stilled only long enough to be taken in.

blank billboards on the side of the highway
i go home to a place i’ll probably forget
the only time i see your face it’s in blank space
forever frozen in time
memories become memorials
screens replace faces
and i am caught between missing these moments
and longing for your looks in life

i don’t recall becoming my own mother
not quite sure when i began to bandage my bleeds
and make sure i break down where nobody sees.

i just want to be held in the arms of my mother
almost need her arms around my slouched shoulders
holding me up between shoulder blades.

i remember always getting hit by my own mother
loving faces became toxic embraces and she touched down harder every time i fought her.

i wish i knew why i always have to help my mother
guide her through the gutter and back to another
god i miss having a mother

when we die i hope they put our coffins together
preferably an arms length away
i want to reach for you still when it’s all over
so place our hells side by side
when i go i want to go as i lived
by your side with your hand holding mine