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Mar 2010 · 1.5k
My story forwards and back.
Ted Wallace Mar 2010
Lethargic depressed insane inane speechless crazy alone loved.
still alone searching hiding scared asking hoping walking.  simplistic.
connected living breathing-wishing I wasn't.  Sleeping longing paranoid strange homeless judged.  
stereotypes dependent wishing thinking realism tricks mental functions waves patterns medicine.  
Staying awake.  Crying, screaming, screaming, screaming, angst, anger, understanding yet misunderstood.
apathy
manic precocious processing watching waiting listening-not tasting. day mares.  trains feet cars writing resting regaining energetic.
back down.
up.
down, staying down. staying trying attending pushing achieving descending reading.
surviving. impossible. surviving.
Mar 2010 · 789
"Weary Blues"-rendition 1
Ted Wallace Mar 2010
Droning a monotone note,
Rocking back and forth,
complaining of a sore throat,       
I witnessed a man go insane.

Down the street from the store
By the grey abstruse sign on the back door,     
 He did a quick shake. . . .     
 He did a quick shake. . . .
To the acrid taste of an apple.
With his begrimed hair and dark eyes,
He pulled out a paper and started to recite his final goodbyes,     
 O darkness!
Swaying, syncopated with his incoherent words,
He imagined a world with only birds.      
Sweet world!
Coming from the innards of his soul.      
  O darkness!
In a deep voice filled with dissimulation,
I heard that man whisper,     
  “Ain’t got nothing to think of,      
Ain’t got nobody but my self.     
 I’s a lonely man,      
And I find no reason to prove it to oneself.
Thump, thump, thump, went his heart against his chest,
He thought back on his life, and was not impressed-      
“I cant find comfort,      And I can’t be satisfied.      
Can’t find comfort      And can’t be satisfied—     
 I ain’t got a care,      And I wish that I had died.”

And for a long time he sat there.The sun came up and went down.
The man got up and started to walk without a destination.
While he was stuck in a state of disconsolation.
He closed his eyes-to die-or to engage his imagination.
Feb 2010 · 622
Untitled for now
Ted Wallace Feb 2010
The secret here
Is not one you can figure out.
It is not palpable, and it is never here at the right time.
It is something that you will stumble upon when it seems like you need it the least.
But if you find it,
but if you focus on it,
but if you dont let it leave your mind,
Then you will see
that
everything will fall into place.
Feb 2010 · 743
October 2, 2009
Ted Wallace Feb 2010
My empty heartbeat vs. hers
Close your eyes.  Breathe deeply.
Lying-so-still, delicately yet deliberately
holding each other.
It's a subdued quiet, as if we are both asleep.
I wish-he thought.
I can't-she thought.
Let's just wait. Let's just lay.
Okay?
Okay.
think--
but stay surfaced.
I know-he thought
I don't know-she thought.
Maybe?
Maybe.
The smells intrigue both-
The situation intrigues both-
Is this real?-he thought.
Is this real?-she thought.

— The End —