Commo
Swimming above the surface, a baby in an ocean of light,
Color, sound, and Mama's Flesh;

Communication is touch, snuggling, sleeping, ******
Functions that are as natural as pooping in the woods
When you're old enough to squat and look around.

But surface commo for a baby boy in 1963 was as profound as
Commo can be, deep as an emotion, and x-times the feeling;
Love easily explained for a creature who will never, upon
Ageing, feel that kind of love, 'cept for maybe,
Dying in the love in your arms or hand, holding for life or...

Lvl 1:
Surface
Hi, how's it going?
I"m floating on top of Level 1, seeing things in detail, yet
For reason some use as excuses, afraid to expose my own
Fear to ask about someone else's mysteries. Trite cliches,
Bland social postings: "Hey, a pic of my old toaster!"
Like, please. Like me, please. Give me your deep feelings
And Impressions that swim 2 or 3 or 4 levels
Be. Neath.

Lvl 2:
General (1-5 star) Infough;
Parts of me are still on the surface, but other parts...tentacles,
Feeling feelers, attachments, yearn to dive down to Feelings
Deep; My feelings are always real, but my feelings aren't always
Reality.

I don't govern the watch in my mind that filters out the bad
Stuff - the impact of the careless, stupid, mean, catty-me OW!
That caused you mental and emotional = negative reactions.

I'm sorry my words didn't edify your invisible foundation.
I'm sorry my words whittled the fragile balsa wood that, often,
Barely keeps you upright and conscious. I"m not used to the
Deep Feelings

Lvl 3: See what's above in my shallow depths.

Lvl 4: I'm 12 in 1975 or I'm 18 in 1981 and girls, young ladies,
WOMEN...even the thought of unleashing the torrent of spent
Pent-up emotions

I do what I don't
My Willis my won't
My can't is my don't
In the mirror I see
Whatever I don't want to be

Die to my Old Self
Leave the sins on the shelf
I can't be good on my own
I can only sew what I've sewn

I'm parked in my head
'Neath anxiety and dread
Worries packed in tight
Though I do see a light -

I can't be free
Until I choose to see
That my senses aren't blind
And that the world can be kind

World, emptied of
Love, Peace, Son, Sun;
I'm one of countless -
(Greek: MYRIAD)
Feet planted nearly infinitely
Deep in soil that was is
Has been Will be
Will have been
Polluted not by chemicals
But by the Enemy of Love:
INDIFFERENCE.

And, indifferently, so my time
Passed with God my own self,
God equals $$$
And I wasn't blessed with

God's Providence but, instead,
Thought "Lucky" and Lucky's
Twin, "Chance" or maybe
No sides of a non-existence
Idol masquerading as currency,
But is only a worthless, shiny
Coin
(Dream come true! I won the Lot-
[Lot, in this lot, turned and looked
At the return of ***** and
Gomorrah, and he is
ME.

One moment I'd flying high
With/Without Ozzy,
Sipping one of hundreds of
Very expensive and high
ABV beers in a rumpus room
That is only crap manufactured
To pretend NOT to be CRAP-

And some of my "more boring" and
"Churchy" and "Jesus Freaks" friends spouting
Nonsense about, without quotes the
Actual. End. Times.
Soon. Like, for real? Just around the...
And drunk as I am sipping something
Called "Snake Venom" and it could
Pass for the real thing, and, tongue
On fire and dazed, I see four of twenty
****** up by Light, becoming
Light and all the unmeasured
Joy of All Time is their
Expression, and, and...
Jesus is there, and the time
Wasted worshipping the
World has cost me my
World.

A Voice, calling to some, not
Every one - five words:
DO NOT TAKE THE MARK

If Ed F's Ication
Lost on vacation,
If he builds up his soul,
He's out of his hole

Construction,
Destruction
The buildings that stand
Are made not out of sand

Your stance is your stand,
Solid Rock is your land;
Build your life up strong-
You'll be right more than wrong

If I lose my why
I'll lose my way
Boldness or shy
I'm lost to the day

I forgot my what
So, stuck in a rut
Down deep with the worms
(But they're on my own terms!)

I once was a who
Like a sock in a shoe
My feet did the talking
My mouth did the walking

Back when I had hair
All blonde-wavy and fair
I'd let the winds guide me
To absolutely where?

Like a large Mother Hen
I lived in my when
My future my past
I ended up last

But what about now?
Five W-yous is how
I'm Someone, a Man
Doing the best that I can

My when is my where
TimeSpace over there!
My why is be cause
How 'bout some applause!

Midst and
Against;
In the middle
Lies and riddle
Against all that is
Hidden
Without and In;
My middle, the
Central
Ephemeral
Diaphanous
Point, Part, or
Position
Of that only truly
Exists when my
Time runs out of clocks

There are two
Of
Me

Greedy selfish me Won
And
Me two

Won wants to win
$$$
Two
Wants
Not the dead word
Happy
Not the undead
NICE

But
Joy

I’m dreaming of rolling in
Money

He’s waking in indescribable
Peace

There is no joy
In things;
Joy exists
In
From
By
With
Around
People

What do I do that I should unt
Not my head - Yes, my head is
The invisible visible arrounding
My Gordian not mind.

Beavering my dam thoughts
Roof of skull / Well of the
Spitting poison from the snakes
Of memory.

Dizzying array of new
Sensations that my
**** ******-head
(Low water deep;
Clammy dome of sticks as wooden sky)
Trapped am I? Trapped
I am anti-future, or
Post-passed past.

You: lye!
Me: Lyer.
Truth is the surface
Of water; Lies either/
Both above as below.

Steeling thoughts/Stealing memory;
Beavers build domes
Two pro Techt
Selves/Them
In the things of schemes
Am I the ****** or
Am I the dome whence
It hides?

Loving every other side
Of never ******-other felled
Gnawed tree
Outside the inside of my
******. Dam. Existence

I don't chase sleep
Sleep doesn't chase me,
Doesn't even half-two;
Sleep has/is/will have
Non-Existed since before
My body joined the Clock-
Work Greyness that is
(Time)
Clicking away to E
Turn It E, And E; It:
Returning back to...
Mysteries are born, die,
Re-emerge, when our
Senses draw in, rescued
From the Wake of the
Ship that Sleep is

(Some Pronoun)
Has to Pretend to Sleep
The conscious Abstract
Of being slightly more
Vulnerable than when
We were unremembered
Babies, crawlers, toddling the
Dimly-Perceived Tightrope
When we first begin to remember
Night Horse-Mares
Tromping and galloping
Leaving woven dreamprints
To keep our Id from forgetting
To tell us to breathe, water, and feed
Whatever the Ego and Superego
Allow/Disallow

Time is there, in sleep, but
Not of the clockwork count-
Down that is carnal fleshly
Life resetting in the same way the
Terminator says
"I won't be back, I won't leave,
I am always here," like
Past grudgingly releasing
Its soft, sharp claws, Fading,
Fading twilight into the ever-
Wide arms of darkness

Bad dreams, good dreams,
Balancing our warring survivalist
Self with the calm wakefulness
When all three the fulcrum
Of our mind arriving Ten
Minutes before the Two Others

Sleep gives way from the
Inert Vulnerable
To the Alert Unvulnerable;
Sleep is to Consciousness
As Death is to Life

Bound, broken
Chained invisibly
In a prison that
I thought up
I nurtured from pre-
Seed to a wooden tower
I allowed, (SW)allowed -
Chose.
The key is one of the -wheres...
And the locks around my
Mind do not want the
Keys