grief isn't a feeling, it's a neighborhood -
it's where everyone i love still lives, where i stood
on dreary summer nights,
watching the lights
of fireflies dance in the street.
and hopefully the others will be able to meet
the expectations to grow up and move along,
but whether or not they're strong
enough to doesn't matter.
between leaving those godforsaken driveways behind
or staying to ease their troubled minds,
i know they would take the latter,
but it still hurts.
people wonder if i know
the way those brick walls can seal you in,
and i do, but even though
those houses built with tears can be brooding,
you have to understand that they're only alluding
to something better.
together,
i think they can make it.

on the off-chance that eventually you might start seeing me
the way i see myself
is probably my biggest fear.
my image of everything is so unclear,
so blurred and indefinite that i don't know where one line begins
and another ends.
and to feel so insecure around the ones i call friends -
to put it one way,
it *****,
even though they say
everyone has insecurities,
it's hard to not give a ****
about what other people think,
because darling, sometimes i still feel so alone.
my mind isolates itself and i drone
on about things that shouldn't matter,
but they do.
and even when i like to think that no one has a clue
about the tiny hints i get sometimes in the back of my head
that make me second-guess every word i've already said,
or how i look at myself in the mirror,
so harshly judging my own reflection
and worrying about achieving the perfection
that everyone who watches TV falls in love with.
it's human nature to try and alter
what we define as beautiful,
to make those beneath us falter
and question who they really are.
so the next time you see yourself,
take note of that pretty face
and remember you don't need makeup or lace
to please strangers you pass on the street.
remember that you see your own flaws first,
that we all have them (yours aren't the worst),
and remember that you're never alone.

too often, we fall in love with our eyes shut.
we trick ourselves into thinking it's genuine, but
really, what is there to gain?
from the way he claims
he'll promise to stay loyal,
to her vow that she'll always be honest;
honestly?
it makes me sick
to my stomach that we always pick
people who treat us like we're nothing,
and pretend to be okay with that.
that
isn't love.
we deserve to be cared for
instead of being forced to watch our other half walk out the door
without them so much as saying goodbye.
we try
to take better care of ourselves, we really do,
but if they said they loved me, surely it must be true?
darling, if you would just open your eyes, you'd see
behind the lies and duplicity.
promises can break, but don't forget you can too -
remember which one is more fragile.