i haven't seen him since i was four
dad took Vic and I to visit his ex wife and his son and some of our family
when i got a little older i thought it was a dream somehow
but i had two necklaces that his ex gave to me
tiny planets on a string
(i doubt Vic remembers that visit at all)
i wish i had kept the necklaces
i threw them out a year or so ago
tiny planets on a string and i threw my planets away

sometimes
while I sleep
I flee the world
from which i've grown
I know i'll crave
similarities in the
new place
[i'm a moth drawn to light I daresay]
I have the same keys
and the clocks all tick the same
my reflection stares back,
those slightly dazed pair
of clear grey,
blinking in return
before going up in smoke.
“world of mirror”
like becoming lost in tree branches
a forest of humans,
darting, scratching, fleeing,
tumbling between shoots & limbs
a fox, a lion, a wolf, a rabbit
[and they thought themselves the absolutely
terrifying ones]

The filmer's heart:
caught between thieves of
just & wisdom
wrapped in that haunted silk embrace,
with silver metal folded twice to form
that frozen ache of yours
so clear & perfect that you mask it
in glass cages draped in ash
& hidden in walls of lost lovers.
you think I let words of literature
cure my disbelief in you,
that because of lies you make
you'll view the Hare's Ghost,
capture her sorrow twice,
& weave it into the ugly society of your mind,
only to control & demean her.
& while your dementia sets in
those hollow blue eyes,
you'll only be graced with the shadow of what I've
become.

i'm cut up like those
ribbons,
splintered
hollow.
there's this triangle
space
where my heart refuses
to be forced into
and
i keep building pyramids
that shiver beneath my
touch,
breaking & aching
lost & empty forests of
silence
caught in that place
where
i can't even
be
alone by
myself.

I wonder if it hurts you
to have her here
that volatile
glacier girl
complications rising
up
like your colours once they
washed out
on the crowd
that gross ichor
trailing after you
everywhere
you
go

Rabbit boy,
musician of silence
how did you decide
your curse was
her spell?
you'll forever remember
how you did it to
yourself

Wolf Boy,
like ribbons, loose
and faded
wrapped around those thick chains
of silver
hanging from your waist

Lion Boy,
you inverted saint of
summer
you know exactly what to
say
until I speak

Rabbit Girl,
she taught herself
to let those ***** words
and filthy paintings
know
that they can't **** a liar
that is already dead

Fox Girl,
your foolish deeds you
let become nightmares
and that boy you adored
left you so
we're always going to
leave you, tiny pup

Last night I dreamt
that you were an
angel
and I was a
ghost.

sometimes I
wish
you could understand
that tomorrow's sickness
doesn't have to do with
the cold
or the paintings on your
fingers

you think her paleness
constitutes some sort
of forgiveness
don't you?
That touching her lightly
simply being near,
does it fix you?
repair your mind, that
grey wolf heart of yours?

you trip as a constant
over footprints I left
tiny but never lost
never lost