my mind is going dark. my heart is resisting the black. i am scared and you dont know im scared. ive cared. ive cared. it seems more people die in the summer. well its almost over. the fall of my fall reminds me of falling last fall. i cant breathe right now and i want to wile out so these **** know what my mind is really about. i can show you this death that my lungs fear. i am suffocating. i am making bad decisions and want everyone else to feel this **** i feel. my grandma doesnt hug me. and for that alone id pop you. try me.

you, you make my bones murmer.
you make em burn.
you make them yearn.
you make me afraid to sleep.
you make me afraid to steal.
you make me afraid to hurt people.
you make my main muscle twist.
your easier to love than any empty building or
endless railroad or
highway at dawn or
or sewer with lifewater.
i have walked around hours and hours before
just looking for a place to rest.
that feeling i got when i knew that a particular
place would do
thatd id be safe for a night
without anyone to creep on me or
rob and **** me or
call the cops on me.
when i lay down my head and i am
falling asleep surrounded by rust and
the smell of mildew
and ****.
a place where my memories wouldnt flood me
to the point of insomnia
and i could finally sleep
with no guilt or
regret or
fear.
you are that place.
a safe place to rest

i wish we were
two quarters
smashed together on
a train track that
some pretty girl carries
around in her pocket and
leaves on her dresser then
ends up trading them to
her friend for some
markers during art class

i want to walk around aimlessly behind your eyes so i can feel first hand what makes your heart so kind and warm like a mother's milk. i would get lost in what would look like a monet or rembrandt masterpiece painted in the prime of their lives or maybe the darkest days of their lives when they were so blue and grey only  a cup of strong coffee thats went cold could wake the foggy feeling of sleep induced by sleeping pills to get over the lack of boi that erases everything in life that is terrible until only you remain in my heart that has now slowed, become irregular and fragile. the anxiety from this separation that i am feeling makes me wish i could just bathe in your heart that pumps joy into me in such a way i become frightened because why should i feel so safe? i want to get lost in your mind. i want to drown in your heart.

i wish i could sleep as easy with impending doom at the creases of my mouth burrowing deep as a seed of doubt. i wish i were as fickle as a woman who's ideas and belief's change with every new lover. i wish i didn't feel the need to leave my i's lower case because i feel like a lower case and wonder if the reader would ever even pick up on it or is there ever even going to be a reader. Anyway go to sleep and i'll let my eyes dry out and itch because i'm scared to death of dreaming. i cant stomach the fact that we sleep a third of our lives or in your case half of it.

my wall was only made
stronger by your scorn
by your judging red eyes that
burrowed deep into
me.
my wall became taller
when you tried to figure my
heart for a criminal.
my wall became because i let you build it.
and now it is a house to
many birds that sing.

my stomach is a ******
being knocked around in
a game of mocking
humor.