I let him break into me
The next day I thought my lips had broken,
I thought my innocence had burst into flames,

But still, he is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that afternoon,
That ruined, Summer Afternoon.

My soft skin aches,
When I think of my Parasite Lover,
That Destroyer and I.

Everything is blue,
his pills,
his hands,
his jeans.
And now I'm covered in the colors
Pull apart at the seams.
And it's blue.

Everything is grey,
his hair,
his smoke,
his dreams.
And now he's so devoid of color,
he don't know what it means.

and it's blue

I'm supposed to say happy fathers day
With hallmark emotion
But all i feel is is the abandonment
Of what you made

You threw us away
Knowing the cost
Choosing ***** and ******
Over what you made

I can’t miss what I never had
Can’t know what it’s like to have a dad
When all you ever been is a lie
When all you’ve given is a tragedy

To your groups
To gain sympathy
When i’m the one with haunted minds
And you’re the the one on constant highs

An artificial family
The love you feel is merely an echo
Forged from narcissism and *******
Of the heart you lost years ago

“You can’t appreciate beauty unless you keep still,”
And there’s you, constantly shifting feet
Afraid that if you stand on one for too long it will fall asleep
And, while dreaming, will walk you to promises you could never keep.

We’ve spent our entire lives captive to your ideals
We enter our favorite bar to the reverential welcome of our brothers and sisters
There is sadness in the knowledge of your opinions
But freedom in the release of our worries of your attitudes
We can only be who we are; who we are sanctioned to be
Through trial and fire we were formed and through more fire shall we be refined
Your words and stones do not phase us,
We have been laden with assaults as long as we can hope to remember
So your judgments do not sentence us,
For we have made ourselves our own judges
Liberated from the corrupt and the pious
You do not know our stories,
Nor do you understand our hearts
You don’t care to know what we dream of at night,
Nor what we aspire to by day
You only see an image that you have been trained to prejudge
A rung on the social ladder that you can step on,
That way you are one step closer to your social goals
We are people,
Unlike you
But same somehow
We still feel, still care, still love,
We just do it a little better than you
Because we understand that you can never truly know someone
Until you give up the idea that you already know who they are.

I ****** myself
But no pleasure was received
I ******* myself
Out of my own heart
I should have taken your hand
Followed you down into the cheesy tunnel of love
Should have ridden the gaudy swan with you
All the way down
Past the twinkling lights and into the dungeon
Where I lock up the parts of myself
That are afraid
That I protect
From people like you
People who care
People who love
You showed me truth
I hid from your light like a wraith
I don’t deserve you
But I would give anything
To have one more chance
Because with every road I have traveled
Thinking they would be more profitable than yours
I have become poorer
You were my El Dorado
I just didn’t see it at the time
And now it’s too late
And someone else has stolen the light
That, just for me, in your eyes used to shine

Messy car
Lights of the parking garage
Shining too brightly into my window
I try to sleep
But too many strangers pass by
I want to be home
In a bed
In someone’s arms
I’m scared
And alone
Christmas music plays
I remember what life used to be
I remember what family used to mean

I was thrown out
The ones who made me
Didn’t like their creation
Blinded by their hatred
Followers of their favoritism
I was scared
I was alone
Christmas lights shine from happy houses
I try to get a hotel
But there’s no room in the inn
For people like me

One day I found two angels
Or should I say that they found me
Took me in
Sacrificed and shared
Let me into their worlds
Gave me a home and a reason again
And for the first time since she died
I felt unconditionally accepted
I felt love and warmth
I wasn’t scared anymore
I wasn’t alone anymore

These angels offered me a bed and a shower
But what they gave me was life
At a time when life seemed like a fairytale
A time when I was ready to throw it away
I found more than a place to stay
I found a family