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Taylor McKee Dec 2012
I remember having conversations with you about all the things we would do. Camping, going to the zoo, having a barbecue. I was going to cook for you because you were always eating chicken nuggets while I was cooking myself real meals. I remember when you smiled because I said I wanted to spend all that time with you. I remember when you made me feel like those things might actually happen. I remember when you told me that I was amazing. And that you didn't understand why someone like me would like someone like you. And I remember how you felt when I said that you were being crazy and that I thought you were the most amazing person I've ever known and that if anything you were the one who was too good for me. I remember when I told you that you won my heart but hadn't come to collect the prize. I remember how you said you had two prizes to choose and it was so difficult for you. Not knowing who to pick. Afraid that picking me would be the wrong choice. Time and time again I do so many things that should show you who I am and what I am to you. I try to show you that there’s nothing to fear. But you won’t let me show you. Why? Why won’t you just believe me? Why would I hurt you? I can’t even stand myself when I’m mad at you for a split second. Why would I lie to you? I never lie to anyone, especially not someone who’s so honest to me at all times. Why would I fight with you? The only arguments we have are based off of you not agreeing that you’re beautiful and that you don’t need makeup and that you don’t need to spend so much time on your hair and that you look fantastic regardless of what clothes you’re wearing. Why would I ever let you go for anything? After spending so long fighting for you, I would never stop fighting to keep you. I would never hold you back. I would want you to be happy. Do you want to go somewhere? So do I. Do you want to drive to the middle of nowhere? So do I. Do you want to go out? So do I. Do you want to stay in and relax? So do I. Do you want to hang out with your friends, then go ahead. I can make plans; I have a life of my own. Do you want to be alone? I’ll respect that, like I always have. Why can’t you just go back to the days of holding my hands and getting that glorious feeling? Why can’t you go back to the time when you remembered that feeling you got when I held you. My embrace having something magical that neither of us could explain. Remember all the times we talked and talked and talked and found out we have so much in common. Remember all the days where you wanted to tell me good morning and good night, regardless of if we talked all day. Remember all the times that I put a real smile on your face on the days when you said you wouldn't be okay. All those days I told you that your smile was too pretty to go to waste. I even remember when you first said you hated your smile because your teeth aren't perfectly straight. I told you it didn't matter, because you have such a true happiness in your smile. That gleaming beauty that no one else could ever show, yet you still didn't believe me. Even if you didn't believe me, you still smiled. I remember the place and the time and the day that we talked about how things were going.  I remember you said you couldn't be with me but you wanted me to stay in your life as a friend, so I said I couldn't be anything to you. And I remember you started to cry. And I hated everything in the world that night. Things were entirely opposite of how they should have been. I remember all the times I tried to keep you out of my head but I couldn't. Now you won’t talk to me about anything. Like I’m some madman for caring about you. You act like all the things I say are lies. I don’t think I could make your life better, I know it. I don’t think I could make you happier, I know it. Just try to think of all those perfect words I said to you. All of the times I wrote something that left you speechless. Just think of all those times. Just remember. Quit hiding it away in your pockets like old receipts and pen caps. I can’t stop thinking about you because you’re the one ******* thing I want in this whole world. I don’ t care about your past. I don’t care about any “imperfections”. I don’t care at all. To me you’re everything I could need. And I can’t help but love everything about you. I just want to have love for you, though, instead of love for everything about you. And I have more love to give than anyone else you've ever known. I might not be better than everyone at everything, but I know I’m better than anyone else at what’s important. I know you could always trust in me. I know I could never hold you back. I know I would keep a smile on your face at all times. I know you wouldn't be waiting around for perfect moments, because I would make every moment perfect. When people ask you what the happiest time of your life was, you wouldn't say it was when you were younger and had your own place and did what you want when you wanted to. You would say that the happiest part of your life is now, because I would make every day better than the last. You wouldn't keep living in the clouds and staring at the stars, you would be with the stars and the moon. You wouldn't need to dream anymore because you would just dream of when you finally get to wake again. I’m not making things up. I’m not hopeful. I’m not optimistic. I’m not a liar. I’m not a dreamer. I know I could make everything better, all the time. Don't think it's too good to be true. You used to say I was too good to be true, but here I am. So just give me a chance to prove it. You’ll never regret it, I promise. Zebra.
The last part (Zebra) is only significant to one person.
Nov 2012 · 449
Untitled
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
The crisp cold air
The dark night skies
The black clouds
The moon, gone
The stars, unseen
Dark
Dreary
Destitute
And yet it doesn't phase me
Because that's how it will always be
In my own world
A world without you
Nov 2012 · 1.6k
[Untitled]
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
If you set out to scale a mountain
It's best to go with self discipline
When you reach the clouds, don't falter
Don't stop and begin to palter
You get false ideals of hopes and dreams
Being able to unfold from the seams
As if the clouds are your personal jinn
And they can fill the void in between
Your dreams and reality
Just get back to actuality
Reach the highest peak
Find what you really seek
Because it isn't down hiding in the clouds

In short, quit dreaming
Finish climbing the **** mountain
Nov 2012 · 1.3k
Election night
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
Everyone is talking about their candidate
Everyone is at election night parties
Except me
I'm sitting here eating Italian food
And playing Zelda
With my indie rock Pandora station playing
Yes, I voted
Yes, I care about who wins
Yes, I'm an adult
I'm just the fun kind
Nov 2012 · 652
Too tired for this
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
Don't tell me you love me
You love him
You loved me
So let's get this straight

Trust me when I say this
I'm over you
That doesn't change the fact that you're breaking an old promise
And what hurts is that it means nothing to you

And then you make it worse
You say you love me
And that "love doesn't end"
"Only relationships end"

You love someone new
But still love me supposedly
Love isn't fashion
People don't go out of style each season
And you love that old dress
But it's so last year
So you love this new blouse instead

Get a new hobby
You're no good at this love thing
Nov 2012 · 2.3k
The Things I See
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
I look at my hands as they shiver
All the cuts, scratches and scars
The dark freckle and small wound that make it seem as though I have stigmata
I've been crucified a time or two, but only in my head, no stakes through my hands
Looking at the mirror
Seeing my face
Seeing all the scars
But this time they don't mar my skin
I can see them on my tattered, stained soul
I can see it in my eyes
Other people see my eyes and it evokes a light feeling
All I can see is the dark hidden away
I wish I could see what they see instead
My laptop is open
I see people I like and love and hate posting about their lives
Making themselves seem significant
Despite the fact that they live ignorant lives
Living in the cloud city of dreams
Arguing over whose God is better
Arguing over whose politician will make the world a utopia
I suppose politicians are some people's real Gods
Posting about the latest trends
Trying to garner attention for nothing
As if a thousand "friends" liking a status really means anything at all
Work meeting this Sunday
I know what I'll see
Three idiots
Two bosses
One pseudo sister
One girl who shouldn't work there
One girl who should be mine, and everyone knows it
Two managers that I actually get along with
I'll see little notes scribbled with ******* compliments that everyone writes
"Great work on Sunday!"
"So glad you took care of that thing for me!"
Because apparently a thank you and a paycheck isn't good enough
They need to feed their egos
That's what matters to them
I look at my friends
Or the people who used to be called that
Now I talk to them once every few months
Plan to hang out every now and then
See them once a year
Normally on accident
They're total jerks anyways, so I don't mind
They're a living reminder that I need good people in my life
Good on ya, former friends
In my room I see my dog
The lazy ******* just sleeps on my bed
Halfway under my sheets
He's snoring
He's a good dog
I'll let him be
If only I could be like him
And sleep all day
Or like my former friends
And just not care
Or like that girl at work
And not realize we should be together
Or like the denizens of cloudville
And live an ignorant, happy life
But that would all be too easy
I like that I can see all these things
Things that they can't see
Except my empty bank account
I just won't look at that
Nov 2012 · 728
The Beauty of Autumn
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
Autumn leaves falling
Roads paved with red and yellow
Leaves don't die in vain
All of my leaves are turning red and yellow, orange leaves are over rated (As are evergreen trees).
Nov 2012 · 3.3k
Basilisk (WIP)
Taylor McKee Nov 2012
Paralysis
Crippled
By fear
Or anxiety
Depression
Like the gaze of a basilisk
Sinking
Unable to swim
All the lifeguards look like sharks
Manage to struggle in the currents
Further and further
Swimming
Away from the shore
On purpose
People can tell you you're Superman
But when you are your own kryptonite
Why even try to swim
Being crippled
By the basilisk
Its grasp never loosens
Oct 2012 · 601
The Rainy Washington Haiku
Taylor McKee Oct 2012
So you hate the rain?
Yet you live in Washington?
You might wanna move
Apparently, a dry summer leads to people forgetting they live in a, stereotypically, rainy state.
Oct 2012 · 390
Are you really living?
Taylor McKee Oct 2012
So many people
They all claim to be living
They just wait to die
Oct 2012 · 1.1k
The Tide Chasing the Moon
Taylor McKee Oct 2012
The pale moonlight manages a faint glow on the coarse sand
The waves crash onto the shore, hoping to gather all the sand it touched
Shedding light as she passes, the Moon strides onward
The waves crash louder but their beckoning is never heard

She keeps moving towards the horizon with no plans to rest
The Tide keeps chasing, calling; she ignores their behest
She is and always will be bound to the sky
The waves can never have her, they still wonder why

The waves race to try and match her stride
The Tide cries out in the night
"Can't you see my struggle? Can't you hear my plight?"
"I jump as high as I can just to be in your light"

The Moon continues roving the sky without a reply
For such a nomad as her, she never wanders far
And so the waves will chase and so the waves will crash
For them the Moon's beauty, will surely never be marred
Oct 2012 · 992
The Rain
Taylor McKee Oct 2012
Black and White silence
Black and White rain
Cleanse away the colors
And all that they contain
No Green on the trees
The branches cast their Black shadows
And the Black Ravens' toil in the umbrage
No Red or Orange fires burning
Only the White smoke flowing through the air
White light from the Sun dries up all the water
All the Blue water
There is no present or future anymore
Only the past is still here
The Black and White past
Like all the old movies and pictures
Because the rain has washed away all the colors
And I'm fine with feeling gray
Oct 2012 · 1.3k
A Field Worth Growing
Taylor McKee Oct 2012
A flourishing field of flowers strides across the teeming landscape
Weaving wind currents disperse fallen leaves; birds soar above the bellowing howls of Zephyr
The meadow is illuminated identical to the shining stars seen overhead
Such a place as this can’t be described merely in words

To understand the field, one must hear its echoing melody
Can you hear its blissful humming in the crisp night air?
Can you hear the birds serenading every dawn? Can you hear them whistling lullabies every dusk?
Can you hear Gaia’s song? So splendid, you not only hear it but can taste its saccharine stanzas?

To know the field, one must feel its warmth and bask in its radiance
Can you feel the firm grasp of the Sun's rays? Can you tell it won’t ever let go of you? Do you care?
Can you feel the field’s invigorating warmth enticing you?
Can you feel it take away your gloomy desolation? Can you feel it take away your stress and doubts?

To appreciate the field, one must see its abundant life
Can you see the trees growing in peace as they amass their armies yet carry no animosity and strife?
Can you see the pure, unpolluted streams that flow forever as if in a perpetual race against Father Time?
Can you see the Nightingale in her tree composing? Can you see the other as he anticipates her words?

To fathom the field’s perfection you must find it yourself. “Where is this field? Someone must know”
It’s in a place that must be found on your own. There’s only one place where it could begin to grow
The field lies where anyone can find it but it’s also a place where many will never find its mark
The paradise you seek can only be found deep in your heart, after you let Love cultivate the Dark

— The End —