Her eyes got heavy
As the tears and makeup dried on her face
She turned her head and fell asleep
He had no clue she was crying
She doesn't tell many people
She just does
She gets to that point where she's gasping for air
As if someone to come help her
But no one will come
She won't tell anyone
She's looks so peaceful when she sleeps
Maybe Because she's not thinking about that pain
She's dreaming about a good life
Not the one she lives inside her self
A constant war
A bitter cold blood curdling war
She's fights her biggest enemy
Herself
But she's asleep now.. That's one time she doesn't worry and neither will you
She will wake up and realize she cried herself to sleep
And she will remember every thing that happened
Besides the dream in which she was happy.
{tbt}

Black holes are dark.
Cold. And endless.
They say once you fall in a black hole you don't come out.
Sitting where I am it's hard to go on
Almost like I am in that very dark endless cold hole.
Pain is gain they say.
But what if you don't feel pain anymore.
I live with dysphia.
{tbt}

I feel small in this world
With little to no purpose at all.
I feel like I **** everyone off
I'm not good enough
Nor ever will be.
Eventually I'll give up on myself like everyone else does.
I throw my hands up and say I get why they left
I'll understand why people left me to pain
Let me feel the way I did
I'll lose him
He will let go, and give up
He will find the real me and get overwhelmed
He will see what I see in myself
All the negative
And he will let go right before I do
Then I'll be left with cold empty me just like before
But this time I'll let go completely and let myself float into that's state of utter disexsistance and then everyone will see what I saw in me
{tbt}

Do you ever sit in class
And wish no one could see you
wish you were invisible
You get tired of laughing and pointing
And you literally zone out.
And stare off into the distance
Blocking out everyone
Wishing you could break down
But staying strong because you don't want to look weak.
I'm tired of being here.
I may be a *****
I treat others how I treat myself
I hate everyone.... I hate myself
Low key I hate being here and existing.
{tbt}

This isn't anything someone has read.
I have always been broken.
And always will be.
I used to think I could be fixed. Saved. Loved. Cared for. But I never was.
I just lost someone who was my whole world.
He didn't need or want me.
No one ever wanted me. And I finally get all of it.
What the point in staying if your not wanted?
{tbt}

My tears feel like acid
The more I cry the more I hurt.
The more I try to stop the more it burns.
I tell people ill be ok or I'm fine
It's a ******* excuse
Outside I'm strong
Inside I'm a different person.
I joke around and laugh
But I die more on the inside
My tears being acid is true to me
You won't understand
Acid burns.. Kills.. Hurts.. Stings..
And somehow all that comforts me.
But it also burns, kills, hurts, and stings me.
Feeling unloved is like wind
Sometimes it's a little wind
But sometimes it destroys things in its path.
The windstorm I've created in my years of acid utterly embolished me.
{tbt}

I was told by a very smart young man that breaking something means you never wanted it.
We try all we can and give everything we have for someone but sometimes you come up short.
What you intended was everything wasn't enough for the other person. You forgot who you were for the other person. You gave everything to them and they wanted more. 'You weren't enough' always will pop into your head weather you loved each other or not. Love is a strange thing a lesson and a blessing. But If someone wants to walk out of your life let them. Some come for a lifetime and some come for a season. You need to know the difference. Even if you emotionally physically and mentally die inside your never given something you can't handle.
-tbt

Do you ever open your eyes and see something so dark?
Something so dark it's like you never opened them?
Then you turn your head and see the light, and look at it questionably, when your crying on the inside to be accepted and crying outside to be loved, and to have someone care, someone to hold you and say I love you even if it's not the love you want.
Have you wanted someone to wipe away your tears and say it's not time to cry yet, it's not time to worry.
When you try so hard to please and end up getting stepped on
I do. And I cry. And I hurt.
Does that make people notice?
No.
Do I have someone hold me as say I love you, even if it's not the love I want?
No.
I open my eyes at night and see darkness like I never actually opened my eyes. And. Sometimes. I. Don't. Notice. The. Light.
And then I float into a imaginable life, called a dream. Somewhere I can only go when I sleep.  Somewhere I can go to when I sleep because it's easier to sleep then face my life. Somewhere where I'm actually loved and accepted.
And Then I open my eyes, to that exact same darkness.
Did I ever open my eyes?
I didn't did I?
I guess I will try again another time. But that day I see that real warm light, is the day I start loving myself.
But that will take centuries. And waiting hurts. But in my life
All I do is wait.
{tbt}