it's just the creature that goes bump in the night when the lights go out,
so please reconstruct my mind to create a type of innovated frankenstein.
it's not just about the longing and the crave for change but
it's also about the emotions and fingerprints i'll supply for your testing range.
so don't worry smoke another bowl and it's like your whole life will unfold.
but you won't even need that thc to realize your thoughts aren't completely free.
so let the dopamine soak in until you become the fiend
pop your benzos and snort that line, parachute that powder until you reach cloud nine.
is that what you need to survive your recreated scene?
at least before your whole body morphs into benzene.
what is it about becoming a monster, is it you who creates the tragedy or is it your creator?
i wish you could tell me where we go when we die, but you can't open up your subliminal mind.
now you're nothing but a sweet smelling liquid, so drip your thoughts onto my own canvas and lay it out for me.

To whom it may concern,

overtired ramblings,
if you already don't like me,
don't even read it
if you do like me
still don't read this
Dear,


dear....



dear......my...


dear subconscious.

for my entire breath of existence, you've always been an accomplice.
but, you've failed to mention a few things that could have helped me regardless.
like how hurting someone else can turn your organs to tangled ropes,
and then makes your brain laugh until it chokes,
i was just a little kid too, that couldn't grasp onto the weight of the world,
but instead tables have turned and now it's my brain that's being unfurled.
i was never aware that, things that happened between a brother and father and mother,
was something that wasn't easily relatable to another.
i couldn't understand the difference between the definitions of rich or poor
i thought it was always everyone that craved more,
not to mention the similarities between right and wrong
will cause the weakest of minds to think that they're strong,
and i'm not trying to say *******,
it's just that the apology is long over due.

so maybe what i'm trying to say,
is you can't take my emotions and create an overlay,
because how i'm feeling is not what you're interpreting.
so don't walk away as if you've done something liberating,
i have only reached a state of confinement,
and you're still asking me to be compliant,

so maybe what i'm trying to say is,


*******, because in case you forgot,
the emotional damage has always been in your blind spot,
and those more than ever protruding ribs were not what i needed to be "hott",
and the little red lines to mark my days of being in control of my life were unrealistic
because i will not let you convince me of something that i never was,
i never was
a ****, or a *****, or your call for comfort,
i was never crazy i just never had a retort,
and, i didn't sleep try to sleep with your best friend,
i'm just glad it was a situation i didn't have to mend,
just because of of the way i look and react,
doesn't make what you think about me a fact.

there is so much more to a human being than their appearance,
so don't take their emotions as if they're on clearance,
you have no idea how many peoples friendships i'd try a second chance,
but a majority of they wouldn't spare me a glance.

there are so many things i could tell you,
but it would be harder for you to swallow than it is to chew,
i also know you've got things that could surprise me too.


now these things are all in the past,
but the harsh judgements will always last.

so ******* if you've ever disliked me for things you knew nothing about,
or ******* for being rude and condescending when you've never had a conversation with me,
******* for ever telling me how to improve my self appearance,
******* for making up lies and holding grudges on things that never even existed,
******* for not being my friend anymore for being embarrassed about what other people would think,
**** high school, and **** *******, **** selfishness and **** imitation.


**** the fact that none of this should even matter,


and the fact that it still doesn't matter

It’s like that time we sat in a tree screaming our hearts out till we choked them up and onto our walls behind our eyes, and wiped the paint with our sleeves just like the way you used to look at me,

but what i didn’t know was that everything you were screaming was nothing but a lie. tongue tied and swollen cheeks

we’ve been pacing these circles for minutes and years your eyelashes fall from where mine used to be and for that


i can no longer see, because my protection is gone my eyes are no longer sealed because now it’s everything that’s infront of me.

you’re rearranging your mind while i pick apart my spine,
and it’s not that i don’t have a lot of time, because i love you, but you’re not you,

yet we’re both still here


with the same results,

i’ve got hatred and fear when i look at your collar bones,
so let my hate drip from my fingers and
let me pull my words back from your mouth and
stuff them into my frontal lobe tucked deep away in my cerebrum

because that’s

the only safe place to keep them.

you’re not you because you say you are, you’re not the you i grew to love and know

you are you, and you are what ever will be,
what could be, and what can be.


it’s okay that nobody knows who you used to be,

except if that nobody is me.

I’m so tired of sleeping in alcohol stained sheets with my
own shadow dancing ten feet away from me,
and i’m so tired of cleaning up your thoughts with mine, and combining them until you feel

something

that’s

real

i could pray to you, or pray for you, but i’m afraid that the minds trap is only casting me further and further from what

i could

be


not


you


but

me

and now all we have is the middle not the left or the right,
we’ve got no balance because

everything is on me, because

i

am nothing but your past,


because i am not a memory you’d like to keep

but you can’t cast me away like everything you once did,
because within my mind is the same as it was then.

because you’ll pack me up and put me away and hide me behind curtains and under bed sheets, but I’ve still got your heart on my sleeve taken away from the wall where it used to be,

where our tree was cut down, and we no longer choke, but why can’t i breathe?

these days i want to tell people about the music that would come out of your mouth instead of words and how your eyes would change colors depending on our moods,

i want to tell people but,

nobody knows that you used to call me baby and


tell me i was beautiful and always would be,

and the thoughts sometimes still serenade me.

and rock me to sleep and lead me to an almost nothingness sleep,

but a nightmare and sweat soaked sheets and,

screaming voices echoing my pillow cases and

left with nothing but what my mind has played out for me to believe.