No matter how long I stood under that hot water
It could not beat the defeated feeling from me
If anything it only bruised me more
I stared at white porcelain and products that
No matter how long I scrubbed
Left me feeling just as clean as that grimy shower curtain
I was coming to the conclusion that this wound was more than skin deep
And I had know that before, but I wore denial as a blindfold
Because in the darkness I couldn't see that all the makeup that I pretended wasn't very much
Was doing nothing to hide the puffy red and purple eyes
Evidence of tears, too many to allow for sleep
I'm too much of an open book for makeup and clothes to make any difference
I know, they know, you know
I'm tired of the look
The look of pity that has morphed into one of exhaustion, because they are all getting bored
With my mundane heartbreaks
I don't blame them
But this isn't sadness anymore
I'm lost
I feel defeated, by myself mainly, because I can't even pretend I'm mad
I'm just lonely, and I'm tired of not knowing what to do, or how to feel
I want to let it all go and have the "fun time" they're all living
But I don't like their fun, it's too much
I'm too fragile, always so fragile
I don't want to believe it's done and the all the best things break
I don't want to forget you, the way you looked at me, acted around me,
held me close in that same shower
I'm preventing my own healing
I'm fighting myself, still
And I'm just really
Really tired

You said you would call
Fix this gaping hole you made
The one with fraying edges
That my fingers can't grasp
But you didn't
And so I'm trying
Really hard
To ignore it, let it go
Move on to a place
Where I can grab something solid,
Something I can walk on
Run on
Away from you
Far, far away
So that for once
No one will hear my tears
Give me comfort
Provide solace in open arms
Only to drop them away
Once my tears have dried
I only want to cry in peace
So that maybe
I can find a place
Where I have no cause
For tears.

Tap tap tap
went your chewed up pen against your wall
while I mindlessly twisted the corners of your blanket
into a lovely knot
Tick tick tick
went your clock in the comfortable silence
and we turned to see the how many more minutes we'd have
when our gazes drifted to each other
Thump thump thump
went my heart
as you leaned in
closer
Grabbing my palm you uncapped your pen
and proceeded to draw two curved lines
that shaky as they were
somehow made a heart
"Yours" you said
And the silence was never the same