there's a heavy weight
         an empty kind of ache
crushing my lungs
you walked away
           blinking back tears
but you loved me with such ease
in ways i never could
and my heart is fragments in my hand
reaching out to you
           my voice catching in my throat
knowing you were saving me one last time
knowing that you walking away meant i didn't have to
            
            i'll miss you

My coffee always gets cold
before I can finish it,
my heart stutters
when I forget to breathe,
too busy watching the world go by
wondering where I fit into it,
my coffee always gets cold
before I can finish it,
and the day is over
before I can open my eyes,
and life goes on without me
while I sit,

with cold coffee.

Would you believe me if I told you
the reason I have to say goodbye,
is because I love you
too much?
I wake up every morning,
the same way I fell asleep:
tangled in sheets and you.
You are the start and end of all my stories.
I smell you on my skin.
Hear your laugh when I read something funny.
You are embedded in all my senses.
Until yesterday
driving down the highway alone,
mountains on all sides
piercing the blue sky,
I did not know what the world was
without you.
Would you believe me if I told you
I've got no room in my heart
for me, because I'm too full
of you?

Three years now
I have started off
Pressed into your lips

Two years now
February has been my personal hell
And you held my hand

One summer now
We didn't make it all the way
And you kissed my hand goodbye

I don't know how many nights
I have cried to you
And you don't know
How many of those nights
I cried about you

I like
to stand at the base of mountains
and wonder why I am here,
They are wonders of the earth
and blessings to my soul,
I like
to climb atop those mountains,
And although I have
never been religious
when I stand on top
of my small world
my heart is filled
with some unworldly power,
And if that is what He feels like,
Then I believe.

I know you hear the echo of my emptiness
when we sit in silence.
I know you see the vacancy
when our eyes are shut.
And I know you think you made It
when you tiptoe
around my fragility.
But it is not your fault
like you always assume.
And you are not responsible
for fixing or filling.
Because you are infinitely more
than my heart will ever be able to hold.
And I'm so, so sorry
but I don't know why
it isn't enough.

i used to love the ocean
i used to be very good at swimming

the day i learned how to drown
made me love the ocean a little bit less

now the salty water will creep in
even god can't change the tides

my lungs will fill with blue
like they always do

and i will lie awash in waves
thinking it is the sky