A well of insecurity lies within

which takes a mere hint

of love or affection,

to wrench to the surface,

sending it rushing uncontrolled

all over my life.


Would that I would not splash

that pool of anxiety onto you

who deserve nothing but my untainted heart,

but waves wash out &

when I least expect it

come crashing down on you.


Yet you bear up under the onslaught

and continue to show up again & again

even when I count you out.

your constancy stills the surging swells

until they are mere ripples under the surface

of the calm sea that is our love.

I hated
being your therapist

Bound by expectations and theory
that tells me what to say and how to say it
When this real person
Was sitting
Three feet across from me
Standing on her last leg

I wanted to tell you what I saw in you
not what the theory said
I wanted to tell you
that your future was bright
Your smile could light up an entire room
Your passion and creativity could lead you
From these depths to your success
If only
Just a little
You could believe in yourself
Your talent
And your smile

Instead
I watched as you struggled
And I struggled myself
To help you see
In the most objective light possible
Your own beauty
And how you could change your thinking

But little by little
Those people hurt you
And you felt your trust
Slip
Away

Until you no longer wanted to live
Until
You told me
What you would do

I called for help
To someone I could trust with my own life
We tried to save yours
I never
Saw
You
Again

You are alive
And hopefully well

But how
I
wish
I had been your friend
And not your therapist

She was beautiful, but not in the way you would expect a person to be beautiful.
You could see it by the way her dark green eyes fixated on you, like she could
see all your thoughts blooming like wildflowers from your head. You could see it
by the way she held her ceramic coffee cup, with both hands, embracing the warmth
and taking deep sips of that magic black liquid.
Their was something about her, something so... genuinely unique.
You could feel the electric pulse of her aura going through your nervous system.
There was something about this girl, telling, urging me to just say one simple hello.

And when I get bad I usually sleep for days on in
or
Go on some wild spree of running the town night and day
Looking for my sanity in the stars.
And burning
burning
burning
like a gasoline on a house fire, but hell, losing your sanity makes for fabulous poetry.