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Tara India Aug 2014
These are not the same lips you once kissed
These are barren; they form only sad words.
You never laid your hand upon these cheeks
Hollow, they belong to a different girl,
Into these grey eyes you never gazed
They are empty and some throbbing hurt
Lies in this skin you never knew.
Since you I am harder, my world turned
And this body never lay with yours:
It contains lessons previously unlearned
You never saw this tough smile, surely
Because it is for you that it burns;
The stars in my mind you once knew
Were snuffed out when you spurned
The love which only you ever felt; now I
Have died, my poetic murmurings unheard.
I walked in a corpse never touched by
Your purity, who is this girl
You never met: phoenix-born from our
Ashes; you wouldn't even recognise her.


*© Tara India.
Sorry I am so sporadic. I write a lot, but it is scattered and mostly not even worth acknowledging. Every so often something I like comes along, and usually at an inconvenient moment: this was written on my phone in the car today. I don't know what I am doing with my life, but I do know I have words inside of me that need to be let out.
Tara India Jul 2014
Summer is lazy in the sun
She sleeps far more than I
The sky her pearlescent eyes

Closed lids and cloudy lashes
Aeroplane trails her pillow
Lines that trace her sweet sighs

She blinks – she shifts and
Birds soar over swaying trees
Under her heavy breath I lie

Buzzing bees lull her slumber
Grass-hair crowned by
Blossomy willow and mayflies

As a solemn chill I exist in
The shadow of her warmth --
Her heat licking at my sides

We are opposites and we
Never quite touch but still I
Dwell contented in her smile

My lady summer brings forth
Dull breeze and grinning suns
I wish I’d never turned to ice

I almost melt at her whisper
The others move slower to
Her rhythmic delights

Her beating heart a slow tune
Beauty and melody she sleeps
While I toss in her sweating night

I dream I will wake and be
Her sister – happily I’d drift
If I wasn’t so hollow inside

So I sit in the shade of bliss
Watch summer with glee while
Honouring the winter inside.


*© Tara India.
Tara India Jun 2014
“You shouldn’t be here” they hiss
Call, whisper from every
Wall and atom of air around me
Constantly overwhelmed
By deserving to die
By living too long and
For no true purpose
My heart beats on stolen time
And I painfully aware
I should have been
Long gone --
Long dead by now
I don’t quite recognise
My own voice as
Those most prominent
Scream -- screech
“It should have worked”
Last time should have been
The last and not the
Most recent
My breaths are tainted
And undeserved
I wish I were dead --
Do I wish it or them
Waves of inertia sweep
With worthlessness and
Life’s futility
Over me they wash and
I cannot resist so I merely
Hold my breath and
Pray to drown in them
“Coward”
For not letting it work
For my survival instincts
I shouldn’t be here
My place is six feet
Under the ground
I should be dead
I deserve it
But still I want to live for
The things I have
Yet to taste or
Touch – kiss or own
Through my hopelessness
I try to keep going but
They are intent upon
My imminent fall
My death
They paralyse me and
Trick me daily
Into believing I am worth
Nothing more than
Pills --
Blades or bridges
Or bullets
Lonely and ashamed I sit
Guilt covering me
Immobile
Unable to function
Simply wishing to be free.


*© Tara India.
Tara India Jun 2014
To be touched by love is such
Glory and power
Such unfathomable delight
I never thought anyone
Could melt me or
Change my soul like

Her and her endless youth
Optimism echoing from
Every word she speaks
She carries on in
A way I envy and
Will never truly repeat

She held my heart in hands
That shook --
Quivered at my thorns
As I lay bleeding
She promised I would
One day have it all

Our souls entwined for
Blissful hours
Forever such a short time
I never dreamed
Or dared to hope
Of this kind of life

Emotion was not meant for me
Except the blues
Mean reds my melody
I dared to feel
And now look what has
Become of loathsome me

I tear down lovers
I’d prefer
To keep her from my danger
I am a poison and
An abomination that
Should keep herself a stranger

I can never regret the
Sting of love as
It bites – I can regret
I caused her pain
But I loved her
Don’t let her forget

She is now free
I let her go
To light she can now soar
In darkness I sit
And pray never
To feel anymore.

*© Tara India.
Tara India Jun 2014
pour yourself a drink
it's four o clock somewhere
and who cares if in the morning
you'll feel so much worse

pour it with shaking hands
from caffeine worse for wear
and no food that day
just as long as it hurts

let the wine spill down
in gulps of pain and regret
don't bother to measure
you'll feel a little better

let it race into your blood
all you want is to forget
your liver fails and body cries
with each sip saying 'whatever'

choose to lose your mind
and senses to getting ****** up
oblivion your only goal
hoping it'll be over soon

choose to disregard advice
because it's never enough
and neither are you as
you howl at an ignorant moon

drink down each new glass
with reckless abandon and hope
that you'll forget this night or
finally commit that deadly act

drink until you're hollowed
you empty out and heaven knows
you want to die each minute
now there's no going back

listen to voices instead of friends
to pain instead of love
part your skin to cry in red
because your eyes are stone cold

listen to acohol and pills
as the only things you trust
give up and give in because
your future is dust not gold.


*© Tara India.
Tara India Jun 2014
Until you slept in it
My bed was average-sized
Now it is lakes and deserts
Spanning too many miles
For my solitary body or
My needy homesick cries

Before I lay in your arms
Through love and necessity
I never realised the space
That pooled around me
To catch my tears and to
Mirror a soul so empty

I never felt so alone
I didn't know this pain
When my bed was never full
I was never so drained
By loneliness and missing you
And calling out your name.

*© Tara India.
I never realised how much I had to lose, how hollow and empty was my life before I shared it with you.
Tara India Jun 2014
I sleep through the morning
So I can hate myself
For wasting the day
I drink coffee until I shake
Smoke golds to make
Myself sicken and shake

Trying to empty my stomach
I starve all afternoon
I wish the pounds away
Night comes and I am
Caffeine-drunk now
I've purged my guilt today

The hunger builds inside --
I'm drinking to quell
The deathly hollow ache
The liquor burns and wine
Unsteadies hands that
Already tremble and shake

1am comes and I am tearing
Alternate wrappers and
Milky skin with blades
I cry red and weep tears
Of loss as my heart
Rests shallow in its grave

Pills call and so does food
By thousands I consume --
Monstrous I will decay
4am and I've purged to sleep
Drunk, dizzy, or dead
I await the dawning day.

*© Tara India.
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