no abnormal  amount of sleep could cure
the tiredness that rests inside my bones
fatigue fills the hollow cage that
dreamlessly becomes my hellish home

no obscene quantity of food could satiate
the hunger residing in my soul
my heart is empty, craving for something
adventure, fire, or the great unknown

no blinding light could truly dim
the shadow living inside my mind
whose darkness overthrows all I do
drowns my pleasure in endless night

no sins of the flesh and gloried closeness
could still my desire for intimacy
to just be held, finally feel wanted
and like I mean the world to somebody

*© Tara India.

come to, limbs aching
realize you've blurred out again
walked two blistered miles
to feed a festering desire

fade back, into frenzy
behind locked doors you die
thoughts racing stop them
by eating your feelings again

bite, bite, chew, swallow, cry, repeat
over and over, filling, filling, repeat

come to, wrapper-shrouded
bed littered with your shame
count the calories, feel
that sickness and death again

fade back, into madness
pints of water until you feel
the fullness overwhelming
and race to emptying

reject, reject, gag, throw up, cry, repeat
over and over, empty, empty, repeat

come to, lying broken
on sympathetically cold tiles
once more you found comfort
in puking your feelings

fade back, unconscious
as your heart fails to beat
one day you'll **** yourself
in your fight to cope

*© Tara India.

i'll walk alone at night
through the wrong side of town
i'll step in front of a car
not care as i am almost run down
i'll drink until i fall
and wake up in some stranger's bed
i'll pollute my lungs
with tar and nicotine and dread
i'll let you throw your knives
as i graciously walk the line
because there can be nothing
more terrifying than my own mind.

*© Tara India.

I spend my life
pin all my hopes
on future days
and times

I pick a day
to expect to be
saved upon
and wait

Sleep through the
tortured hours
eyes open but
in limbo

I dream this time
someone will see
to care and
fix me

I pray this person
will know how
to fill my soul
with hope

that they will get it
they will pull
me out of my own
darkness

I have my dreams
fixed now upon
this chance next
friday

I hope I won't
freeze up again
I'll open up to
freedom

In nine days
maybe I can
start to become
real again

*© Tara India.

my heart is not golden like yours
not harmonious in its beats
mine powers a deadened body
races leaden to its defeat

my mind is not beautiful like yours
no flowers of poetry grow inside
mine spews words and ugly thoughts
killing my corpse with poison and lies

my shell is not pretty like yours
i envy your confidence and grace
mine is cracked and deathly broke
my pain lies crusted on my face

my life is not happy like yours
yours has a heaven that is forgiving
mine is a merely an existence
in premature hell i am living.

*© Tara India.