Tara India

Tara India Sep 2013

of course, of course, you're coming back
leave the lights on, you'll be home
******* can sit, and half a pack
of unsmoked straights; you'll be home

of course, of course, nobody will see
who else would -- you'll be home
the mail can wait, those pesky bills
will be paid soon enough, you'll be home

of course, of course, you'll have time
endless eternity; you'll be home
put off that call, ignore the ringing
you'll get the message, you'll be home

of course, of course, leave the cat in
you'll feed her later, you'll be home
set the tv to record, wine in the fridge
to enjoy tonight, you'll be home

oh no, oh no, they say not this time
this chance was your last, never coming home
worry and fret over things undone
a life unlived; you're never coming home.

*© Tara India.

this was inspired by the loss of my grandfather a few weeks back, and the first visit to begin clearing out his flat. everything had just been put on pause..

Tara India Sep 2013

to rebecca

I am always the one, you see
The one who cares the most
The one who runs to you to give
My flesh and bone, my muddy ghost

I'd sell my soul, pull out my heart
For you; sweet lavender desire
You drain me dry but I don't mind
You're dove-white purity, afire

It's illusionary, really, situational
The thought you need me, or ever did
As you start to soar I am your chains
Forget me, burn my memory in acid

I am always the one left behind
Rose-crowned evil, wishing I was real
So I save others from the rushing dark
Absorbing any and all pain they feel

But I am not bitter, not even
With such reason - this troubled track
Some of us were born to the moon
To live in shadow, eyes painted black

Take all from me, your life awaits
Dream in diamond-facets tonight
Glory in all that I will never have
Hope is yours, live in the light

*© Tara India.

found this that i wrote forever ago, for my best friend. she will never see it, but still.

Tara India Sep 2013

Turning points

wake up, crystallizing
you're hungry,
but not for food --
no never that
maybe for love, or people
but isn't needing weak
and you don't
need

wake up, realizing
you're tired
of life, of this fight
now wonder
how on earth
did you end up as
this girl --
broken

wake up, determining
the exact lifespan
of a shadow
or shadow girl
and how many years
before you fade,
in the morning light,
vanish

wake up, admiring
those who truly live
who walk
talk, eat and smile
tell me --
wouldn't you like
to be that way
too

wake up, cannonising
models
everything you'll never be
and that you want
but someday soon
you'll have to let
it all fall away
grow up

wake up, fantasising
of satisfaction
without the guilt
and pain
of not starving
not relying on hurt
letting people
care

wake up, promising
a new start
the sun will rise
and you with it
you'll eat
talk, breathe in
the summer air won't
burn -- is this
it

wake up, reveling
in knowing you haven't
sunk -- aren't
giving up
follow the plan
cut loose
your puppet strings
be real

wake up, deciding
it is time
accept your scars,
be better
but is this true
can you, or
is this just another
false dawn

*© Tara India.

to recover, or to relapse? are my promises real or just breaths of air?

Tara India Sep 2013

Artifice

buried myself in melody
in stage paint I wear all day
underneath my skin is cracking
my mind is unpinning
if only they could see

dress for battle and take them down
i could conquer anyone
well, except my demons
they have become my life
if only they could see

but if they saw my lies
stopped believing and really looked
wouldn't they lock me up
as my senses shatter
and I become insane

something came loose inside
this pretty little plastic head
under the oil and fame I rot
break: I die once more
and I go insane

*© Tara India.

— The End —