BodyHappy…


I would run a million miles just to make you happy
I would trade my life and all, make impossible seem easy
I would dress well, look pretty, be submissive just to make you accept me
Coz I’d make you happy I promise
If you would see beyond my past, I would have been anything you wanted
Drunk in love, dreaming of the day we’d live the life that we had wanted
The promises we had made to each other…the plans we made
The laughter we had shared together and the tears
I would have walked away from the fights just to make you happy
I’m all you’ve ever needed…why won’t you believe me
Coz really I’d make you happy I promise

But wanting to make you happy is what led to this
Wanting to please you made me lose you
I guess it drove you to the brink of madness the way I wanted to be perfect for you
How I’d hang to your every word even when it hurt
How I would hardly question your authority just because you were my King and I your Queen
I guess you got bored that you simply had to let go
Tipping my scales leaving me imbalanced
Fighting constantly, losing sleep and eventually losing my will
Exhausted from the depression and heartbreak, wanting to please you and everyone around me
Feeling unappreciated from the efforts that I was putting
Coz no one bothered to hear me
Feeling suffocated from the tears but you never really saw them
Why didn’t you believe me…why couldn’t you even hold me and comfort me?
You’re everything I ever needed and yet I probably wasn’t what you wanted

But the final break was when you told me I wasn’t good enough
That what I gave wasn’t perfect enough
That my sacrifices were not important enough
And that all we had built were like sandcastles that were washed away by a great wave
You showered me in love just to destroy me with pain
I couldn’t take the pain…couldn’t handle the hurt
You led me to madness
To the sweet arms of marijuana that took the pain away
Date-hopping coz I just couldn’t allow myself to be happy
My past tendencies coming back again all because my walls were broken and I had to build them again
Maybe if I don’t cry I won’t feel anymore

But I can’t blame you for wanting more
You just wanted to be happy and I was standing in your way
How can I stand in the way of that when that’s all I ever wanted for you?
I can never fix the parts you broke but I can start afresh knowing that you are happy
I’d rather take the pain and live alone
Than watch you sacrifice your happiness for mine
So I will walk away knowing that you breathe better without me around causing you pain because of my inadequacy
Its time you really become HAPPY

Empty...
That is how i feel since you walk into my life and taken what seemed to be my youth
I feel like i have an empty void inside of me..
A void that can never be filled
A void that is so dark, it scares me even now as i think about it.

Alone...
Feeling as if I’m about to be stricken by madness too since you’ve been gone
For is it a crime for one to crave for company
For one to just have someone to hold at night and call their own
For the heart to long for another that beats exactly as it does

Disgust...
As i imagine you grinding on him as if it were me
How can you kiss my lips and pretend like you never kissed his?
How can you hold him close like you held me?
How can you be so heartless...and let me feel like I’m going to die on the inside?

Lost...and yet found...
Now i understand why a great poet said,
“we are all imperfect but its how we deal with our imperfections that makes us perfect”
You were part of my imperfections
And the best way of dealing with this imperfection is walking away
Walking away from all the pain and heartache
From the dark void and into the light
Your indiscretions were my epiphany...my clarity
...my way of solitude...