Leaving home is bittersweet
But where is home?
Minnesota? Illinois?
Minneapolis? Aurora?
­ Where do I belong
Where am I happy
At peace.
Resting finally.
Till the next storm hits.

My words are not sincere
Please don’t fear.
I’m speaking how I am in the moment; Not permanently.

I’m not negative. I’m not suicidal. I’m not an alcoholic or addict.

I’m reality, remember? And no one wants me,
So I might as well join in on the lies
What all goes into putting on a mask when will we reveal
Who we are and what we want
No more games
No more lies
Reality.

Isn’t it funny how we value pointless objects
Baby Blankets
Rattles
Shoes
Coins
Why
?
Because
We’re all so empty inside
We need something substantial to grasp
To quench our thirst
That’s why you see liquor stores almost as frequent as McDonald’s
We all need a distraction from this living hell
And objects are starting to fail us
Alcohol, you’re up.

Let’s play the “who has it worse” game- I’ll go first.
I peed my pants in kindergarten,
I was made fun of because I didn’t wear a bra till fifth grade and
I barely could keep up with the latest trends!

Are these too easy, cause I can make it worse? Okay, I’ll bump it up a few notches.
I lost my childhood dog in sixth grade,
I was called fat for most of my K-12 life, and
I had to work in customer service throughout high school.

Still not bad enough? Okay, next round every time I list something relatable, take a shot of *****, neat.

My father left my family when I was 10 to work in Utah for the next seven years and we rarely saw him,
my younger brother abused me emotionally and physically until I left for college, and
my ex- girlfriend tricked me into staying in an abuse relationship with her
because we were a power couple.

Anyone drunk yet?

My words are not sincere
Please don’t fear.
I’m speaking how I am in the moment; Not permanently.

I’m not negative. I’m not suicidal. I’m not an alcoholic or addict.

I’m reality, remember? And no one wants me,
So I might as well join in on the lies
What all goes into putting on a mask when will we reveal
Who we are and what we want
No more games
No more lies
Reality.

The burn.
The cough.
The taste.
The high.
You could call me a supporter of the Devil’s Lettuce, aka M a r i j u a n a.

They always tell you when you’re younger how drugs **** and aren’t attractive, but why are they so tasty and appealing then?

Every person has a different
back story- why they drink, why they do drugs, why they decide to walk to class
instead of taking the bus.

Big or small, there are reasons behind each action
a person makes.

Family? Never heard of her.
Abuse of drugs and stimulants
Why?
To escape the pain
Because now the pain has become pleasure
So who am I?
Numb.

Born and raised in the ‘burbs of Chicago, I knew what it was like to glanced over.

Rarely picked in the crowd, always slightly below average, nothing special.

There’s bigger and better things out there- but only for those who go above and beyond.

I’m simple         not a kiss ***, therefore not liked much.

My friends have never stuck around too long because of my “loose cannon” mouth and my pissy attitude.

I’m the reality no one wants in their life,
Their daily dose of negative,
I’m the reason they need a way to escape reality, ways to escape me.

Drugs and alcohol, what a sext that sentence is. The daze and trance you go

to prevents reality from ever striking, prevents me.

Music calms the nerves of anxiety
But alcohol hits the spot
A sweet shot of whiskey
Or the sour punch of *****
My troubles fade away
As my perception of reality does too Happiness fills my life
Eyes glisten with love
Short breaths escape
My locked mouth open
I am verbal now
Unlocked till sober
When the alcoholic dream
Is sadly over.