i spend my time in the dark of my room
listening to the rain collect on the leaves outside my window
the doors stay locked
my heart remains a wound

should i find the time to release my fear
may the sun shine through my window
if i found a way to create the energy i need
i fear i may explode

all too often the ones that feed us are the ones we lose too soon
i search for an everlasting light, shone through the darkest depths of my mind
my eyes are tattered with glimpses of implosion
the deepest trenches of my mind are where we fall

i can't stand up and face your walls
as short as they may be
i look into the night from the edge of my window
i've seen the stars explode

should i be freed from the echoing refrains in my brain
may the longest night turn into the brightest day
if i found a way to create the energy i need
i fear i may explode

the last of the words you said flow in a fountain of sorrow
colors lie to my eyes
deceitful and contradictory
i prove undeserving of the life they bring

had i accepted my inhibitions with complacency, you would have felt no pain
regardless of intent, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder
shallow and ungrateful am i
cynical and critical

so much of my love has begun to rot
anger and sadness have shackled me to the floor
i lie in the sun, naked and bloated
"you're just not ready"

my stomach is riddled with anxious sickness
i avoid confrontation within myself
my heart yearns for health
my soul longs for a tender love

one that life may never bring

i can’t look at the stars because
i used to do that with you

i can’t bask in the sun because
i used to do that with you

i can’t listen to music because
i used to do that with you

i can’t sleep because
i used to do that with you

i can’t dream because
i used to do that with you

used to

what i want to say becomes ever so eloquent
softly unspoken when our lips meet
by the fire i stare into the sea
the ocean roars with the blink of an eye

appearing to disappear
my body yearns for your gentle approach
the moon peers in through the window as the cool air graces our skin
desperation and urgency seep through the cracks

serene is the sight of you drifting to sleep in my arms
brush your hair behind your ear
sweetly caress your face
a peck upon your forehead with hope of good dreams to come

what i want to say becomes ever so obvious
the need to speak has withered
my soul leans on your heart
lover, may i take your tender hands forever?

all about another apple
but bite in, bittersweet
crammed cars, can't count
definitely don't die down

effortlessly end eventually
finding fun on the forefront
green goes good to gunk
helping herself hide hundreds

i infer about inside
jokes jump the jump
**** kids, kick kittens
lost lies living large

most moms make mothers
neither, nothing, no, none
others often open outside
people pick poison practice

quite the quiet quack
roaring realness, rather run
stop sinking, stupid sun
time tells touching tales

under universal utters
very varying vanitites
worries will weigh warped wants
xeroxed xenon xanax xylophone

your yellowing youthful yesterdays
zombified zeal zips zillionaires

what if i jumped?
if i swam into the sun
who could save me then?
i could live under the sea

loneliness behold
the desperate grip on my neck
the enormous weight on my chest
a breath is no longer in sight

recognition is beyond incomprehensible
my skin is wrapped much too tight
escape is a concept
i am nothing without my nothing

living fearfully, sinking down under
i'm not sure that anyone can see me
my heart pounds on my chest
someone please let it out

wrapping my fingers around my thumb
tell me my ideas are dumb
take away my inhibitions
for i can not shake free myself

free me from these thoughts
someone is inside my head
telling me i should be dead
telling me to let out the red