I think we see lightening as beautiful
because it's so dangerous
nature's strike
a flash of light
surge of energy

untouchable

I want to be like lightening
free to dance in the sky
to the rhthym of the rumble
thunder crashing symbols

arms open wide, long stride
spinning falling
beautiful
but far enough to be

untouched

through the window, hands moving
wires crossing, tubes looping
three men, brave men
trying their hardest
you could see it in their movements
-dont let go just yet-
-we're almost there-
praying to the Lord as I watch helpless
one sits down
loosing hope
finally the exit
then the lights flashing
and the sad piercing cry of the sirens
oh the sirens
all cars move, hospital on the right
and I'm crying
wondering hoping praying. crying
for this stranger
I saw from a window
driving alone in my car

Look at me
no really
look.
My eyes are speaking
listen
can't you hear?
I do not want to say
and I don't
my lips do not move
but my eyes
look
they're screaming
can you not see me?

unfocused, blurry
smudged
blink
focus again
oh I'm here
oh..
response
Yeah, I'm listening
dull
weary
there he is
yet again
invading
blurry
unreal
so close
but not reachable





so close
but
not
reachable

Turn the white moon red
flood it
with darkness
fire atop water
but only
with the oil
the bond
It holds us
seals us
burning and drowning
turning our moon
blood red
and our own will
we bow to it
worship it
the choices that create it
we dance to our own sad death
yes you will succumb
its most alluring to the eye
the pleasure in the pain
join us
help us
we will scream with punctured lungs
**TILL THE MOON BLEEDS RED

oh my gasp
how much longer can I last
with out your touch
I am
craving
ca
   ca
       ca
           ca
               crrrraving
                                 the affection
I'll show you the direction
put your hands on me
become a savage beast
bite my lip and feel please
I'm only human, feed me
feed my hunger, my disease
feed me
feed me
touch me touch me
kiss me love me bite me **** me
I need your skin

the weight of my burdens
prayers of them being lifted
the depth of my scars
stories turned into glorification
I am unworthy of your name
I've cursed you and forsaken you
I tried to fight it all on my own
only to be shown this battle
was one of many -
a war against myself
pushing away your open arms
please God
forgive me for being so foolish
I know you can change this
this empty feeling
praise you and your hand
so graciously healing
I am so undeserving
and yet you love me
all of me
the indistinct grey matter of nothing
my dark
and because of you
my light

Each step aches
Pushing through mud like molasses
Just to get where I'm going
Just a breath
A moment of reprieve
But this, this is pain's space and time
Not mine
Days feel like months
My temple crumbling around me
Wavering and frail, even the wind shakes me
This is pain's time, not mine
The more I fight, the worse I feel
So I lay down my angry heart
In defeat, I have failed.

Your words are sweet
like honey
dripping from
your lips

let me taste you

mmm, your lies are sweet.

They've said, it's like drowning..
but you can see everyone else around you breathing
and nobody knows you're drowning

but for me, I know
everyone can see me drowning
I know they do
I can see it in their eyes
they don't know what to do

their words are empty
they look at me like an abomination
as if its it my fault I'm this way

Why can't you just snap out of it?
You just need to change your ways
as if it were that simple
just a pill
just a magic trick

they're scared because I've stopped pretending
that I'm okay
I can see it in their eyes
they don't know what to do

what can they do?

it's so much easier to get hurt
to expect disappointment
just show me pain
I know what that feels like
just show me you are no better
because I'm no better
I know how to hurt
I can deal with it
just **** it all up
but do it sooner than later please
it will feel all the same
my heart knows no difference
JUST **** IT ALL UP
I'm scared
because you'll just disappoint  me
you'll just hurt me
please don't
don't hurt me

Have you ever danced with him?
The charming keane one-
Eyes as dark as night, strong broad chin
He moves straight and swift as wind

****** you- He does- so flawless
A smile to coy for the weak
Do you take his hand, such a risk?
For the touch of his lips would be your last kiss

Curiousity shall win you over
So simply disguised-
What mystery beneath him lies
To some so easily a surprise

Expected at the least, he will reach you
The music quickens in pace
Your heart beats, the last beat
The last spin, he took you- leaving no trace

One thousand more times I could try
It'd all be same
The damage the Crimson the pain the rage!
All of the fighting up to come down swallowing what I call sane
You'll never see clearly till I force this upon you
Till you feel this ******* disease
You'll never feel as sick as I do
Swallow these pills one by one and still feel no release
Let them diagnose you. Hold you against your ******* will
You're no human you disgust me
Add another ingredient to the list for your brain bleed.
******* and **** your thoughts
Survival is my only friend!
And even though I'll probably live, let me choose my end!

how can you cause me so much pain?
it's almost been a year now
so much has changed
your name rarely passes my lips
but I am always dreaming about you
my last thought of the night
my first thought when I wake

always


you said always..

these words like daggers
that you throw around
piercing the flesh
and soul

you must not know your own strength
because you can move a mountain
you can break the bend
remold a heart

all with these words
these tragic words

only some understand
these letters... can move you
these words...can change you
a sentence... can wound you

only some see the invisible force
that you can make crumble and decay

you haven't felt it
your own words
like daggers

I am envolped in darkness
currently just I
searching for a dark soul
to join me
he will understand
my desires
my want for pain and love
his views as twisted as mine
understanding the earths flaws
digging at them
scratching
healing over time

Shards of glass
broken
my mirror
my page
rage
the critic has won
you're such a *****
so ******* me
*******
yeah right
they are just words
they are just my deepest emotions
my scars
my battle wounds
my story
my violence
their violence
her story
your story
your knuckles are bleeding
by the way
just words...

I wanna taste the curve of her lips
so juicy
look at her
just standing there
she invites everyone in
with those eyes
and that wicked grin

she'll let me taste her
all of her
devour
and I'll look up into those eyes
and give her a wicked grin.

Forgive me Father
for I am lost
I used to know
who I was

Forgive me Father
I am un-pure
I used to protect
who I was

Forgive me Father
I am ashamed
I used to be proud of
who I was

And you see Father
my actions are cries
I am a stranger to
who I was

So lead me Father
I will follow again
and I will be better
than who I was

I saw him again
or her
or them

crossing the cross walk

but nobody was there


I assume ghosts use the crosswalk
out of old habit
maybe..

Before the sun comes I see you
not always how I want to

I see her too
she has you

you consume me
even though
you don't want me anymore
even though
I want to
let go

She doesn't know you
like I do


So now I wait
for the sun rise
to close my eyes
but
I still see you
never how I want to

I'm just supposed to let it go
let you throw it all away
be okay
I can't fight anymore
I've fought enough for myself
so keep walking, close the door
I've been through too much already
I know what I need
can't you see what mistake your blindly making?
I'm sure there will be more tears
but for now I am numb
I have conquered too much already, no more fears
I just don't understand how you said to me,  I love you
were you telling the truth, I don't regret it though
because yeah, at the time, I needed you too
I still haven't said goodbye
I feel I cant, I don't know how
I don't even want to try
I'm sure it will be easy for you to say it
I don't want to hear it though
maybe then the real pain will hit
and I can heal and be done
let you go and be okay
breathe in a deep breath
because you wanted to throw it all away