Not here
Not there
               Not anywhere

No reassuring hugs
No disapproving tugs
No walking down the aisle
No disapproving my style
No comforting smile
Dad's been dead for a while

Paint me a picture with ink of gold
Sculpt me a statue of my e m p t y mold

Weave me a dress with your fingertips
Show me your world through sunken lips

Can’t you see? You’re an artist
Unable to clutch a brush with a fist

Release your rage on a white frame
& Tell me that I’m all to blame

Sip up my fragile strength- spit it like fire
Continue to be my hearts latest desire

The smell of smoke
Invades me-I choke
The smell of alcohol
Drowns my soul

For it smells of your breath
& Reminds me of an untimely death
At 3am heading for the door
The gut explodes on the floor

How could I have let you leave?
Stay till the morning to hear your mother grieve
Phone call-so curt- what did they say?
That her son was splattered across a highway?

They said “instant upon impact”
How long is an instant? Long enough to react?
Did you see the windshield shatter- the pavement fly?
In that instant did you have the time to say goodbye?

Feet on the dash
We smoked the stash
Threw out the ash
& Tried not to crash

The smoke hangs
In the sun’s lazy rays
You brushed away my bangs
As we continued to blaze

Maybe it’s you
Maybe it’s the high
But this feels like déjà vu
& I still don’t know why

Let’s sleep out
And eat in
Quietly shout
Get mad and grin

Hold tight
To loose morals
Wake up at night
Fall asleep and fight

Shiver in June
Warm in December
Believe a cartoon
Grasp a hot ember

Let’s bloom from above
Speak what we cannot say
Let’s fall in love
*And stay that way

My edges have no border
I seep & blotch the air
My thoughts a chaotic disorder
Laughing in silent despair

Who am I?

I’m the colorful mix
Of the pills I take at night
Grappling at the latest “fix”
But I never get the dosage right
So broken I shall stay
To listen but not to obey

I’m the perfect daughter
I know I ought to be
Smiling sequined next to my father
A beautiful sight to see
Painted fingertips, quiet lips
But I’m slipping from sexist grips

I’m the crash of atoms & molecules
The patterned DNA that labels our culture
Theorems, functions, evolutionary tools
Poe knew: Science is a “vulture
Whose wings are dull realities”
Fact blinds what my mind sees

Forgive me I’m singing
Of what I am & cannot be
& My ears are still ringing
With who society has asked me to be

Sail

           Over your thoughts of me

                                                             ­                          Follow the trail

                                               Swim until you’re free


Carved Marble

                                             Shaped by the water’s stress

          
                      You choked, garbled

                                                               ­                    When I took off my dress

        
              With salty fingertips


                                                  ­             You stood at the shore



          Your eyes traced my hips
          
                                                                ­            Cool water licked your feet, you swore


       I laughed & laughed

Ba da bump
I woke up alone
In my own twilight zone
Sunken is depression’s claw
& into myself I withdraw
Ba da bump, bump
Inevitably my heart will pump
Listening to the trumpet
Trapped in this twisted routine
I need a lover’s vaccine
Ba da bump, bump, bump
He said his love was fleeting
At our first meeting
So quickly I forgot
Blinded by the love I sought
Ba da bump, bump, bump, bump
We fell into bed
Bodies as heavy as lead
Sipping love from my lips
& I close my eyes to eclipse…
Ba da bump**
I woke up alone

Night plum lips that spread
Smooth like butter across toasted bread
A tongue that tastes of apple pie
Cinnamon spice- an apple sigh

Almond eyes- chocolate brown
Wearing her hair like autumn’s crown
Golden reds her chestnut tower
Absorbs morning’s lighting hour

Blood that flows like dark red wine
Gnarled, twisted like a tree her spine
Her beauty  blooms in the late afternoon
& Sleeps under the harvest moon

H
   E
     L
        L
           O

I love you
Won’t you climb on down
From your niche in the sky
Wearing your golden crown

H
E
L
L
O

Is how I started
& you flew apart
A fleeting piece of art
You left with my heart


Goodbye,
                  I love you

I’ll shatter another wishbone
If it means you’ll answer the phone
I’ll scour for pennies on this deserted street
If I’ll be lucky enough for us to meet

I’ll stay up all night gazing for a shooting star
If I can rest my feet on the dash of your car
I’ll pluck every eyelash from my eyes
If it means I can wish away all the lies

But the dandelions won’t work
You’re throat is sealed with a cork
I’ll still wish for one more kiss
Don’t you see? It’s you I miss.

A shadow of a man ******* up space
Pressed suits & cufflinks without a face
No emotion just a ghost of a man
Hovering closer to an empty plan

A wife at home with a hot dinner
Ignorant she is feeding a sinner
She ignores the smell of perfume
For fidelity is what she’d rather assume

Stuck in this vacuum space
Tangled in work and ***** lace
He never looks up from his plate
So consumed in cold hate

A shadow of a man- what a pity
Washed down the gutter in the city
The only one who will miss
Is the daughter he forgot to kiss

Racing through blood
Man made substances flood
Of expanded pupils, raised hairs
High heels tripping up the stairs

Burnt black fingertips
Love bitten, swollen lips
Cigarette littered floor
Empty morals learn to soar

Smoke hazed sight
An internal fight
To stand up straight
It’s all sealed by fate

Wring me out
I’m sick of
All the doubt
That love
Brings

I used to lavish the heat
& Cursed the coming of fall
When winter was taking her seat
& Life slowed to a crawl

But now I’ve seen enough of hate
That the first snow I gladly await
For the winter to finally sedate
& Leave me in an unfeeling state

My summer lover
The shapes we uncovered
After glasses of wine
Clutching my spine
With sweaty palms
A voice that calms
You laid me down
And let me drown
In a pool of lust
Quaking with each ******

The bites
From steamy nights
The pink hickies
From afternoon quickies
Oh, but the early morning kissing
Is what I’m still missing

My brain fogs up
An overflowing cup
At the bottom of the ocean
I’ve lost control of my motion

My eyes are glazed
I’m already completely blazed
What happened to my control?
I’m nothing but a lost soul

My little being
Through almond eyes you’re seeing
Sculpted muscles, milky bones
Swarthy, light pink tones
I made you from scratch

Musical lungs those cushioned lips
Royal cheekbones- sea shell hips
A gentle curve of a lower back
Grand Canyon’s spinal crack
I made it all from scratch

My walnut cracked skin
Bones frail and thin
Once made a life from scratch
A young, perfected match

I dream of you at dawn
Still dressed in lacy chiffon
Making coffee while I yawn

I dream of you in the sky
When I climb up high
& re-learn how to fly

I dream of you at noon
Of lemon sun in June
Kissing atop a sand dune

I dream of you at sunset
Of everything I regret
Your fading silhouette

I dream of you at night
In black and white
And everything comes to light
A past I can never rewrite