The smell of smoke
Invades me-I choke
The smell of alcohol
Drowns my soul

For it smells of your breath
& Reminds me of an untimely death
At 3am heading for the door
The gut explodes on the floor

How could I have let you leave?
Stay till the morning to hear your mother grieve
Phone call-so curt- what did they say?
That her son was splattered across a highway?

They said “instant upon impact”
How long is an instant? Long enough to react?
Did you see the windshield shatter- the pavement fly?
In that instant did you have the time to say goodbye?

Feet on the dash
We smoked the stash
Threw out the ash
& Tried not to crash

The smoke hangs
In the sun’s lazy rays
You brushed away my bangs
As we continued to blaze

Maybe it’s you
Maybe it’s the high
But this feels like déjà vu
& I still don’t know why

Let’s sleep out
And eat in
Quietly shout
Get mad and grin

Hold tight
To loose morals
Wake up at night
Fall asleep and fight

Shiver in June
Warm in December
Believe a cartoon
Grasp a hot ember

Let’s bloom from above
Speak what we cannot say
Let’s fall in love
*And stay that way

My edges have no border
I seep & blotch the air
My thoughts a chaotic disorder
Laughing in silent despair

Who am I?

I’m the colorful mix
Of the pills I take at night
Grappling at the latest “fix”
But I never get the dosage right
So broken I shall stay
To listen but not to obey

I’m the perfect daughter
I know I ought to be
Smiling sequined next to my father
A beautiful sight to see
Painted fingertips, quiet lips
But I’m slipping from sexist grips

I’m the crash of atoms & molecules
The patterned DNA that labels our culture
Theorems, functions, evolutionary tools
Poe knew: Science is a “vulture
Whose wings are dull realities”
Fact blinds what my mind sees

Forgive me I’m singing
Of what I am & cannot be
& My ears are still ringing
With who society has asked me to be