Sometimes I feel like I'm made of glass.
An easily shattered soul ready to break.
I still don't know how much I can take.
I wait for something to happen everyday in class.

I want to learn something.
I need to learn an important life lesson.
After winter I wait through the year as the grass goes cresson.
I think about all the time I spend on nothing.

As this goes on I'm very dull.
I become boring and zoned.
Everyone assumes I'm just calm and toned.
But really I am just feeling null.

I try to build my up my glass walls.
I try to be made of stone.
I want to sit on a nice throne.
Awaiting as it all falls.

Does it count as hot chocolate
if its only lukewarm?
If it tastes like bitter raw garlic,
or acid rain?

It burned the skin off your tongue
and dulled your taste buds…

…And still on fire are your fantastical day dreams
inspired by watching those wandering clouds that,
as it turns out, were actually marshmellows
floating, not in a never ending sky,
but in a bounded, off-white mug
with a cracked handle
whose pieces were sloppily super-glued
back together.

I heard your voice with the setting sun
I answered back but
There was
No one
Waiting for me too

I saw the world
When I was
Next to you
Eyes filled
With
red glass
like the smoke
You too, will soon pass

I felt your face
In the rising moon
Over the mountains
It came
Too soon
Cigarette and a glass of wine
Collectively
Swallow,
inhale,
The time
Because you too
Will soon pass

Nights intoxicated
with Stars and
Bottles
The faces are content
But their minds
Are startled
Shown the path
But never the Way

That doesn't matter
Now
We’ll breathe the same air
And I’ll never forget
The smell,
The touch,
Your hair,
We shared the earth
For as long as
We could
For whatever its worth
Under this sky
Together
We've stood
And you too,
Will soon pass.

Can’t help the way I feel right now.

Can’t pull out a chair for these emotions
or offer a jacket,
can’t catch it if it falls
can’t build walls to protect,
or stop bricks from shattering glass.

I’ve broken all forms of decorum.

Find myself tumbling at the thought,
find myself growing hot, and flustered,
words heavy, avalanches, boulders,
falling, smoldering, ashes,
if I were a cigarette I’d be the ****,
but I can’t seem to do anything about it.

I lack the decorum and the mindset to play this game.

Find myself anticipating the pain
and throwing the match,
lock in, and close the hatch,
over everything.

I think I like you.

Like, like you, like you.

And I find the thought troubles you,
and though I’m glad to stir the second thought
I’d rather not be the one that’s got you
caught, in a confused state,
knots in your stomach, gut pulling
down and flowing into some
intangible sea, oh wait, that was me,
feeling, peeling back layers of truth
that we, of course, didn’t want to do,
seems like reason’s going to lose,

do I have to choose sides?

How about I leave these feelings here,
inside, where they can just hide from view,
and I can just go back to that cruise,
just hold on and don’t lose control,
I’ve dropped pieces of me on the floor,
from the moment you walked through that door
I can’t seem to remember what I came here for
anyway…I hope they’ll lead a trail back.

Just pick up the pieces I let fall slack
and put them back in one place
and wipe this silly smile off my face
lace them with ‘you-shoulda-knowns”
and thoughts more akin to the older woes,
I’m balancing on the tips of my toes
and I can’t let go now.

I’m just gonna bow out and leave,
and roll heart back in off sleeve.

4am
Knows everything
4am has seen me naked
Crying alone
Maybe once  on someone’s shoulder
4am
Has seen me dancing, happy mind wrapped in intoxication

In the cold light of morning
We are the most honest beasts
Before the day is calling
Faces are grey, soul is clear.

4am
You sleep through it
Bed toasty warm
Whose body is it with you
Dreaming with you through storm?

4am
Got me an A in history
4am
Showed me the most beautiful sunrises
Pushed me into Morpheus arms
At 4am
There are no disguises.