There was this boy I saw many times before
Never talked to him, eyes always to the floor.
But one day he told me what he wanted .
To write words with his mouth upon my bare body
To make constellations from the freckles(the ones I never wanted)
To sing songs to the lonely soul inside
To bring us out into the world, never more to hide

He talked about other girls and how they never did “it” right
He directed me like a plane that had lost its flight

Even though it was wrong he made me feel safe
But only in the corners of forgotten faith

The way you looked at my bare body
“Such a ***** boy “
They would say
When I talked about the ways
You could make me stay

“Such a ***** boy”
Waltzing in my mind
I guess you are a ***** boy
For how you make me smile

But am I a ***** girl
For liking the way
You treat my body as a canvas
And leave my heart astray

Last night I dreamt of you
We were laying together in the most innocent way
I found it funny because neither of us were innocent

I dreamt of you
You spoke for the first time in any of my dreams
Why were you always silent in the ones before

I dreamt of you
For the first time and weeks
Just when I thought I was forgetting you

I dreamt of you
And somehow I found it comforting
Knowing I can still be with you in my sleep

I dreamt of you
This time I woke up in tears though
No comfort in the past

I dreamt of you
You told me to move on
But I still look at you in the halls

I dreamt of you
We were back in the dark room
You know the one where we hid away
Where we left the imprint of nothing more than lust

I dreamt of you
I hope this ones the last
Atleast for a couple months
I know you’ll come back
To haunt my dreams
Especially when im closer to being over you.

It was so sudden
I had to catch my breath
Because the way you waltzed in was like you’ve came here everyday
You told me about things that only the young could dream about
You made me feel as if dreams were made of blues eyes and ***** blonde hair
Taught me
That lip bites could be like heroine to an addict
And that laughs can dance around my feeble mind for hours.
But this was all while I was catching my breath
And I’ve never been good at holding it
Because as soon as I exhaled
You were gone.

I hate it when I dream of you
I hate it when I care
I hate it when you touch  me
And
when you play with my hair

I hate that I can’t forget you
Or when I can’t sleep
Because then I’m trapped with the thoughts of what we could be

I hate it when you text me like everything’s ok
I hate it when I reply
Even if it’s just a simple “hey”

I hate that you got me hooked
and then went away

I hate that I can’t erase when we met
If only I could skip that stupid day

I hate that I can’t hate you
No matter what I say
No matter how I depict you
You’ll always be so great

You’ll always make me smile
Even after you make me cry
You’ll always be my knight
Even if there’s no trouble by

But I’ll never be your princess
And I guess that’s just life

So I’ll keep telling myself I hate you
And hope that I’ll be alright


_mya 1/18/18__

Untitled

A lost cause captured by the rough fingertips of life. She holds on to hope of a better tomorrow and all she wants is to feel the warm embrace of your smile like the sun. She wants to still be able to see you before life wrapped it’s hands around you and dared you to speak. She wants to know that everything will be alright but when your whiskey breath drowns her childlike dreams she overflows and overthinks about how from now on a smile will mean anything except happy because she has seen it be used to many times as a mask for the silhouettes of the hopeless and lost.