what they don’t tell you
is that the devil writes letters
and compliments your soul before your body

I think I am okay
And then I catch a wisp of a memory
And the thought of you floors me
My chest aches
And I am gasping
Trying to breathe again
Because the thought of
A world without you
Is unbearable
Unthinkable
At best

I think I am over you
And then I see you
And my heart takes off
Fluttering and flying
At one billion beats per minute
Towards you
Yearning to be close to you
To be closer to what felt like home

Is this what relapsing
Feels like?

you’re still there

as much as i try and pretend
that i’ve moved on
or deserve better
or whatever lie i feed myself that day

it is still your face
that is my version of a dream
you’re so deeply woven into my being
i cannot take you out

how can i move on
when we never ended
i need closure
but i don’t want it

i’d choose you in every lifetime

how the ****
am i supposed to move on
to accept someone else’s hands on my body
another pair of lips on mine
when it is your hands and lips i crave

i need answers
because there is a guy
who is perfect in every aspect
aside from the glaring reality
that he isn’t you

what I had to realize
in order to move on,
transition you into past
instead of present,
was that you were
far less significant than air

You made the word love
taste bitter in my mouth

If I used the word hate,
I'd say that I hated you for that

I will never be able to be friends
With my ex-lover

Because I can't make small talk
Without reminiscing about how it felt
When he had pushed me up against the wall
When we accidentally consumed each other in flames
Fatally burning each other in the process
Paving the way for our untimely ending

It will always feel too raw
It will always be too soon