I want to sit in a room
And watch the days turn to night

I want to watch the shadows dance in circles
Around the room
Time and time again

I want never to have to get up
To use the bathroom, eat, or shower

I want to give in to the endless chains
Of hopelessness

I want to just sit there
And not have to answer

Just sit there
And feel
The Gold light, the deep dark, and the twilight

I want to sit there
And watch the world pass
As I crumble with each tick of the clock

While I sit there I do not want
Neither your pity nor your condolences for
My wasted life

I want you to take my energy
Like you did time and time before

But…

I want you to take it
And use it to fix
The things in your life that are broken

Use it to make you happy

Because I…

Because happiness refused me
Because it was a tease a time ago

Or

Because I did not love it back like I should have

Because misery seduced me
And then chained me up in its basement

I want to sit there
Because
I could not answer the…
The most complicated question
Are you ok?

Without tearing myself
From the inside

Tahnee Calderon