#zoning
to live without living
exist, without existing
trying to find excuses
for why you're exhausted
trying to find reasons
for why you're nauseous
it feels like walking upsidedown into a room
full of strangers you once knew yesterday
or like eating fruit over the bathroom sink
it's flavor disappearing as it hits your teeth
a text message or two from a friend
saying words you replied to an hour ago
heavy fur purring on your back, empty
as you lie with your arms around a pillow
the clock reading 9pm, then 3
sitting by an empty pizza box on the table
while eating Chinese takeout you never ordered
but it doesn't hurt
it doesn't even feel disappointing
you watch the rain fall
the rain dry, and the sun set
then a week has passed
all in a minute
of staring at the windows
while the bus rattles forward
and you head waves back
you know that your healthy
you know you're trying your best
but the rattling nothingness
echos in a room full of noise anyway
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 1:44 AM UTC
Stuck
In a classroom full of children
The numbness shall win
My mind a haze
My hands with a will of their own
Lost someplace
Far away
Then
Return to the realm of the body
Concern as to what has happened
Peers question
Yet I have no answer
For I am still searching for one
Run, run, run
Over and over upon the parchment
Run, run, run
Scrawled across my math paper
Overlapping letters
Unreadable
A scribble
Tell me
What has become of me?
Going on for 2 years
Rising when I least expect
Taking control
Throwing me out
Now feeling as though 'twere not my own
Save me from the void of sensation in my fingertips
Bring me back so I may feel
Anything but empty and pain
- Jay M
Oct 31, 2019
Oct 31, 2019 at 6:00 PM UTC
Tired eyes
Blank face
Staring into the void
An emptiness
Absence of mind
Simply a shell
Left to wander
Without knowing
Brought back to reality
What did I miss?
- Jay M
August 26th, 2019
Aug 30, 2019
Aug 30, 2019 at 8:54 PM UTC
I feel nothing
maybe I feel a cloud that only rains in my presence but
I really feel nothing
Sometimes I see myself
in the googles of someone else who is far
very far,
watching me on a screen
and whenever I start to feel
I can feel someone else overriding
my control of myself
I am pushed to the very backseat
despite calling shotgun.
I feel nothing
except for Zeus' anger
at the ***** of my feet
in the form of volcanic lava
bubbling and toiling
as it overrides the meniscus boundary
but now
I am here
me
I am here
in my car in the driver's seat
I don't have to call shotgun
because my unconscious
yes, mine
my unconscious is all mine
and now,
I have never felt more alive.
But the lava always cools and resides,
despite the internal temperature,
solidifying only to be melted again
and I am where I belong
I am right in the backseat.
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 2:31 AM UTC
Watery hands
Dripping from my own
Before the mirror.
Juggling with the unseen
Parts of me.
Portraits of the dearest ones
Long dead and gone
They're zooming out
I am zoning out.
--Eleanor Rigby
Nov 30, 2016
Nov 30, 2016 at 5:36 AM UTC
Drawing out the words it contains,
To my cigarette, it lights its flame
Reaching for the blunt-reverse psychology
It turns around, burns its hole inside of me
So my lungs continue to thicken
Fog that will reverse my death from a quicken
Keeping me out of reality infinitely
So my cigarettes become my life
My poetry
Oct 9, 2016
Oct 9, 2016 at 12:20 PM UTC