#whoknows
And another sunset fades away
as my body lays to rest
yet a day of nothing, of no interest lays heavy on my chest.
I wish to say I did something, sewed fibers and painted canvas
yet I sat in bed, paralyzed
watching the blue screen tick by.
And maybe that wouldn’t be a problem, if he waited for me on the other side.
Fear sits stagnant in my veins, I have never cared so much.
But why?
I know I’ve lost all meaning, my life a pointless loop.
I could ask til my lips crackle dry,
“Why do I care, why?”
And so I turn out the lights, my family long to rest.
Only dull strings echo in my mind.
So why, do I wake up? Though I don’t truly sleep
I don’t remember a time when
I felt the need to weep.
No excitement, no purpose. No driving force within,
I sit on a raft in a waveless ocean,
waiting for foam to crash in.
And so what if I did it?
Stopped threatening and tried.
Made an effort in something
Because then no one weighs down my sheets
once I have died
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 9:57 PM UTC
To lose one's death
are to liver or lie
headstones are hard
and well engraved
THE GOD'S OF OUR LIVES
neither buried neither saved.
Oct 11, 2025
Oct 11, 2025 at 11:49 AM UTC
Why would you, why wouldn't you?
If you knew me, you wouldn't ask that.
Sep 5, 2024
Sep 5, 2024 at 11:13 AM UTC
If I state I’m going to do something
then don’t, as often happens,
then I’ve planted a ***** seed
that’ll grow into a choking vine,
not free, or wise
So dark January resolutions
might help Calvinists,
or masochists, or both,
but for the rest of us
comfort in our skins is better
I have no preach for you
to do this: just listen
Your own heart cries and sings
all day, every day
and you will beat yourself
far harder, over cheese and *****
than anyone who loves you would
So go inward a while and think,
and even if your conclusions
don’t match the zeitgeist,
love you, as we do
Jan 1, 2022
Jan 1, 2022 at 1:12 PM UTC
First footing towards
what could be bridge or precipice,
hard to tell in the usual mists
of another spin round the sun
The groundhog sting
has left us wary of what’s to come:
with an alphabet begun
how many masks need to be worn
before omega calls?
But the sun is shining
and it’s abnormally warm,
so that’s good,
isn’t it?
Dec 31, 2021
Dec 31, 2021 at 7:26 AM UTC
Trickling words
Drip drop
Flickering words
Burn hot
Whispering words
Never forgot
Aug 2, 2021
Aug 2, 2021 at 11:37 PM UTC
I liked that night, we were flying
As the black cloaked your stars, you had your eyes closed
Sleep-deprived and half dead I thought of loving you
It seemed foolish
On the ground, it felt dizzy
like you spun me around
Friendly smiles were small
Everything was so dead I didn’t think of you
I don’t know the day where I thought of it as more
It wasn’t a day but a memory, a rememory
The buttons were pushed before I was ready
Anxiously I worked and worked and acted like your honey didn’t matter to me
It didn’t, I convince myself even now
But the moment came in capitals
You thought I was unattainable
The breaks were pressed by those closest
Of course they were, it’s what they’re there for
I waited and waited and waited and I got tiny answers
I got fragments, particles, portions
I never got it all
I still don’t have it all
Is this you
Is this my body?
Worse, is it my mind
Tell me now, if I ask too much
Tell me now, if communication won’t be our thing
Tell me now If we won’t be our own thing
But just tell me
Tell me anything
Because I need to be told
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 8:43 PM UTC
I wake in the morning
And
I just don't know.
Where does life go?
I just don't know.
Nov 2, 2017
Nov 2, 2017 at 3:39 PM UTC
I was in the woods
The trees were dying
My world was crashing
All the route was leading to places
And i was still found homeless
It was like flying while drowning
Nothing to hold on to
But keep struggling to see through
This is too messy
I try to be ready
Instead i become unsteady
All of a sudden i am cutting trees
Separating the branches
Leaving the roots
Trying to pull myself out of the crowd
A crowd of plants feeding me with dead leaves
Decaying my body
And still there is nobody
I am starting to wonder if there is really someone
Or am i the only one
In the woods
A forest full of steady waving tree bodies
Careless, staring.... Rooted in to unknown
Will i find a home
Or should i be forever searching
Escaping something that maybe everything
And nothing have sense
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 11:03 AM UTC
*Don't ask me why I conjured someplace in Chicago, I think by Gene and Judes.
(sonnet #MMMMMCMLXIX)
Was't thickets naked trees within the pale
Eye of November guarded with a sense
Of dreary naught, their skeletons black thence
And with such bony fingers grasping frail
Mists' ghostly shadows winds' nigh cruel exhale
Passed through in eerie whispers, that suspense
Culls from auld memries to rehearse from hence,
Which rise before me, haunting which detail?
The question of what's real. Shake me as twere,
And say I've built cloud castles none shall do
Aught justice to, and bid me look now fer
Brave minutes at what's allus in my view.
Tell me our games were fun but won't endure.
Then take my hand and teach me to love you.
14Oct16c
Oct 23, 2016
Oct 23, 2016 at 9:39 PM UTC
I hope i never loose you, even though i feel like i’m loosing myself again.
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 7:16 PM UTC
(sonnet #MMMMMCCCLXXVIII)
Snow. Thick white flakes whose hapless note's detail
As't measures distance their profusion thence
Half mocks, yet draws the careless eye from whence
These mesmerize sans voice within the pale
Light of an afternoon, and lo tis bail
Enow for losing me upon that sense
I maunt pin down, til playing guitar is hence
Forgot, or trips and chokes in sheer betrayl.
And ah. You know that word, um, chaste? Oh sure.
Come, roll it 'cross your tongue and hear anew,
Cuz I am sick of being too naughty, fer
The record, and shall leave erm, you to woo.
If only I sit on me hands 'til you're
Quite ready, that should do. Snow. I need you.
09Jan16c
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 10:57 PM UTC
On this chilly café
independently, I sat.
To this Toffee Nut
Frappuccino, I sipped.
With my never ending reverie
called “self-pity”,
I am consumed.
Paved way for this
sudden urge to get
my purple-inked pen, and
my nasty leather brown notebook,
from my old blue sling bag.
What to write?
Believe me, I have no idea.
I just feel like to scribble
this nonsense out from
my littered thoughts, and
disarrayed emotions of this
solitary state called “singlehood”.
For where are those shoulders
to lean on?
Where are those hands to hold?
Where are those sparkling eyes
that stares back?
*Where are those?
Where are those?*
When can I ever
have someone to share
this table with?
When can I ever
hear another heartbeat
next to mine?
When can I ever read my poetry
to this “special one”?
*When can I?
When can I?*
So now, five minutes left
is all I have.
I’ll be packing my things now,
stop this senseless scribbling,
head to the office,
with coffee on my hand.
This reverie, I must halt.
To rather remind myself:
“Hey, today’s a brand new day.
and who knows?
Who Knows?”
Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 11:24 PM UTC
Words don't come to me when I think of you;
They slip through my fingers to this sandy ground.
Perhaps if I knew just exactly who
You were, the words would finally be found.
You are mysterious, but so am I;
You don't show emotion, but then, I don't.
Seeing you come can make me smile wide,
But when you dissolve into mist, I won't.
I only know the numbers in your dreams,
The things you wish, the things you're hoping for
But there's another side to you it seems
Maybe if I look, I will find there's more.
Who knows where our paths may someday lead us?
It's more than I can hope to be in love.
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 25, 2015 at 1:02 AM UTC
Just go, you clearly don't know what you want from me
Just leave, no words or thoughts like it's so ******* easy
Just now I thought something could finally happen
Just stupid old me for giving in after a bottle of Kracken..
Now I can't, I don't know who you are
Now I want and miss how you could take me so far
Now I just feel empty and so ******* alone
Now I sit and wonder why you couldn't just pick up your phone..
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 1:19 AM UTC
Why do I miss you so much??
I dream and long to again feel your touch!!
Why can't we at least always be friends?
Being there to talk to the other if we are sad!!
Just be able to reach out and help change their mood isn't bad!!
It's easier to do things if there's someone there to cheer u on!!
It's hard to do it alone with no one there and you want to give up and not continue on!
I just miss you being here...
Since u made me like you when I met u my dear!!!
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 1:05 PM UTC
Peace is never mine to keep
I find no solace in sleep
I wake and I want to weep
For no dreams come to me
No visions of beauty
Darkness is all I see
For me there is no rest
Struggle to be my best
With my heart torn from chest
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 9:14 AM UTC
One question with answers that are never quite the same
Constantly changing, like a bi-polar mood ring
Does it exist, Heaven & Hell
After our time has reached its end & goodbye is waved
Will our soul rise above into the sky?
Or quickly be dropped beyond the dirt in your fiery domain in the ground?
Your actions& choices while living, so "they" say, are the reasons to blame
For your souls eternal bliss or its endless suffering
BUT to just anyone your soul you won't sell
The fear of being cleared of you existence & permanently erased
So will you go to Heaven or Hell after you die
....Maybe you'll end up lost & in between, earth bound
SO...DOES Heaven & Hell really exist
Don't be fooled & let your thoughts be easy to twist
Some will argue that YES, of course it does!!
& others believe there isn't now nor there ever was
But either way you believe in whatever you want to
You better not let anyone tell you what to do!!
Personally, who really & truly knows where anyone, in the end, actually goes
Anyways...why worry, now, about that
You're living NOW! In the PRESENT! so enjoy it wherever you're at!!
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 11:24 PM UTC
sometimes I regret that I didn't know you
I just cried over your death and my tears quickly formed an ocean
imagine how someone who loved you felt?
but it doesn't mean that I was any less sad at the dead of night
when that comment I made was brought back up again and again and again until it broke into my biggest nightmares
and it was the only one left burning a hole in my mind
it started to consume my every breath and my every thought
so
let's not talk about that night on the bridge when I'm not quite sure what happened but I know
that I would never really jump since you were standing there like a guardian angel
(god, that sounds so cheesy, but what else would you be?)
I smelled the old gasoline from the trucks rambling along the road
a bird sang a sad tune as it watched me go but then, I didn't go.
because at the last moment
a cloud passed over that beautiful moon and now,
rest assured love, the sight of that pushed me far away and
I doubt I will ever climb up and make that journey to the bridge again.
why would I take my life if you had fought every second for precious breathes? and you never knew when it was going to be your last?
you had us make things for you to never forget you
but sometimes I forget you,
and that makes me feel like I am not allowed to be happy
when you are floating somewhere else where
you can't breathe oxygen in anymore.
that cloud over the moon reminds me though,
why should I do it? why would I do it?
I owe that much to you, at least, if I owe anything
(even though we both know I owe more than that. I owe you more than I owe the grass beneath my feet and the music in my ears)
I'm not suicidal, not even close
but now that I've know you I don't think I could ever get to that point anymore where I want to leave
no matter how hard it gets or how much that bridge calls to me,
because you didn't live, so I must live for you.
and sometimes ( alot of times, to be honest)
i try to push it all out my mind. I don't push you away.
I never want the memory of you to fade, it must always be bold and bright and colorful at the front of my thoughts
i only want the memory of the pain to fade i want it to be a stale ******* in my deepest thoughts.
not fresh in the front of my mind causing my heart to jar open every time I think of you.
but how is it possible to let all of that pain, all of the tears that I cried? all the blood I shed?
that whenever I turn on the radio
and all I hear is that one line again and again sung by your (our) favorite band
that reminds me so much of you and all I can think of is when you died and the date you were supposed to die.
Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 8:22 PM UTC