Dear contradictions,
Deadly as you may be
You make me inaccessible to the general public
Of course the contradictions are
skin deep
Heart deep
bone deep
Water deep
They write a story I don’t want to tell
Of someone who fell
Then got up
But then fell again
You make me moody
A whirlwind of hard and soft
Weak or gentle? Strong and rough?
Keys to create words
Should it be burned
Like the paper
Multiple harmonies
Yet off key notes
Irony as an element of the periodic table
Brains that are blind, worlds in time
Left lonely with dreams forgotten
Shards of memories ignored
with deflections of the future
Dear contradictions,
You make me who I am. And for that I hate you
Nov 13, 2019
Nov 13, 2019 at 1:43 AM UTC
Advil,
Methamphetamine,
The words of e e cummings
Your sculpted sloped nose
and Lord of the Flies
These are all pain relievers
A hospital,
The voice of Nelson Mandela
The softness of her back
And notes of Vivaldi’s four seasons violin concerto number 2
These are all sanctuaries
Four letters,
A Christmas song in February
Streaks of sunshine
And a contact name
These are all love
Nov 13, 2019
Nov 13, 2019 at 1:42 AM UTC
softness
Like the way your body folds when you plie
A tear on skin, tracing a path through emotional wreckage
A spot on the small of your back, an Achilles heel
pain
Like when I can’t remember something that was so important to me
When people talk about “blood”
if I don’t cry out for help when I’m supposed to
complicated
Epimenides paradox
Trying to figure out how to moderate a filter
Reasons why to live
broken
A house torn by a hurricane
Your angular collarbones
my lifeline, thrown away
scared
Love in the form of a mistake
Tear drops bottled
A steady hand slipped
worse
A promise broken
No more feelings
the people my funeral due to age alone
goodbye
A couple of stanzas
Seven definitions
A love letter gone awry
For forever
Nov 13, 2019
Nov 13, 2019 at 1:41 AM UTC
Sometimes you are called too big for people.
Because the heart is too big
The dreams are too big
The expectations are too big
But I’ve learned what that means
Is that other people are too small for you
Maybe you burn too bright.
Maybe you DO feel too much
But in a dark world what people need is light
Shining hopes and glowing dreams
The glory of a valiant character
Maybe they will be brittle and broken and old
But at least you will have had them
Those pulsating memories of adrenaline and beauty
Effort is no foolish thing
You may put it into only certain things,
But the reason people like me burn out so quickly is because
We put so much into everything
That eventually we can’t put anything into everything but the thought of death
See, we glowing, shining, beautiful, people
We are the ones who see the glory in effort
The intelligence, the courage
We know that failing is only a small possibility
If you are already in motion
We shiny people are also the darkest people
But effort is beautiful and strong
And effort isn’t you
You don't get to be effort
Effort is me.
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 8:48 PM UTC
Growth.
Going, you know that you have gone.
Walking clockwise around yourself
I’ve learned that I know nothing
Other than that sometimes you don’t need to know
You need to know calculus and how to sing in 2 different languages
You need to know how to dress business casual and shake hands and beam people with your smile
But when do we learn how to comfort ourselves
Comfort found without the BPA of anything above a 0.8
Who taught us that hearts beating fast will become familiar.
Warm, even
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 8:45 PM UTC
I liked that night, we were flying
As the black cloaked your stars, you had your eyes closed
Sleep-deprived and half dead I thought of loving you
It seemed foolish
On the ground, it felt dizzy
like you spun me around
Friendly smiles were small
Everything was so dead I didn’t think of you
I don’t know the day where I thought of it as more
It wasn’t a day but a memory, a rememory
The buttons were pushed before I was ready
Anxiously I worked and worked and acted like your honey didn’t matter to me
It didn’t, I convince myself even now
But the moment came in capitals
You thought I was unattainable
The breaks were pressed by those closest
Of course they were, it’s what they’re there for
I waited and waited and waited and I got tiny answers
I got fragments, particles, portions
I never got it all
I still don’t have it all
Is this you
Is this my body?
Worse, is it my mind
Tell me now, if I ask too much
Tell me now, if communication won’t be our thing
Tell me now If we won’t be our own thing
But just tell me
Tell me anything
Because I need to be told
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 8:43 PM UTC
We are the teens who jump to conclusions who smash beer in the street, walk fast and try to soothe ourselves with ***** water
We are the teens who cry for a song feeling alone but surrounded by people
Who replace hurt with *** and hide our pain by waiting until maybe finally something good happens
We are the teens who go home every day and miss everyone who made our life worth living
We are the loud *** teens who smoke and drink and get 100s on tests and love themselves and are happy about it
We are the teens who get gelato and are homies with our host families and jump in with our clothes on
We are the teens who look at the waves and the height and think the wind blowing is beautiful
We are the teens who overuse the word love because we lack it in our lives
We are the teens who have to give it to each other because maybe not everyone loves us the way we want them to
Maybe that’s why we don’t love the people who want us to
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 8:39 PM UTC
A rounded globe milky white in the center, crispier as it travels northwards
to the heaven
A valley of bones, Brittle with tightly stretched skin, a dark path
The night sky
speckled with brown
and dusted with roses
Softly contouring, dipping, dancing flowing up, up like a river backwards
Gentle curves and sharp inclines,
fiercely calm plateaus
waiting for you to catch
your breath
And finally
a bud of dusky muted midnight,
grabbed and forgotten
Left to be broken
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 9:46 PM UTC
The girl I saw today was not broken
Was not gilded
No, she was solid gold
Maybe worn down a little
The girl I saw today
Was a soft precious metal
That’s what happens when you’re soft
But flickering lights gently caress the orbs where light has not yet washed the tears away
The girl I saw today felt not necessarily calculated
But ready to put up a fight
And avoid an argument
Because the girl I saw today is too soft for arguments and too good for people
Who won’t fight for her
Who won’t even look at her
Who won’t even rearrange sounds or characters of the English language and blow frequent vibrations through the air
Hell the only thing they can do is sing
The girl I saw today would want someone to sing to her
Not just text her back
Gold is not cheap, the girl I saw today said
Gold is not new, gold is ancient
The girl I saw today said that
Gold has secrets and beauty because it is malleable
It is evolving, from shiny to dull to hammered
The girl I saw today is soft and allows light to wash over her gently, she knows the vocal cords vibrate carefully with charming tones,
And she knows
she
is pure
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 9:42 PM UTC
The Girl I Saw Today
Was unsure
Was okay with being unsure
Was unsure about being okay with being unsure
Was in love with tactileness
Wanting to touch everything around her instead of feeling it
The Girl I Saw Today
Was lovely with expansive overwhelming experience
Had her doubts thrown out her head as she tipped it backward
Her brow furrowed oblivious to any love
The Girl I Saw Today
Hadn’t broken any walls like it was supposed to
Didn’t suddenly hit a switch
Or change from black to white
The Girl I Saw Today
quite quietly felt an air of glimmering comfort pick her up
Throw her forward casually
Knocking her slightly off balance
But blowing her exactly into position
To another step of the waltz
in the Rond de Jambe of life
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 9:38 PM UTC