As the window grow older than the webs wrapping
A young boy stares in gloom
The view outside gets older
Dry leaves and wet flowers
Rain pouring as the sky grow in tears
He saw all outside are washed away
Sulking soil turning to mud of new beginnings
Birth of the sun at the end of rain
What he had inside remained
His old room
Plagued with random past thoughts
Boxes filled of love, regrets, and all that is still…
Covered in walls
Restricted dreams left under his bed
Only a window to view reality filled with fantasy
Seeds became flowers that bloom
Trees getting stronger
Storms ending…
A new day come as the old washed away
However…
The boy looking through the window
Remained…
In the shadow of his old room and ways
Oct 24, 2017
Oct 24, 2017 at 2:30 PM UTC
I have a secret
I can’t say it
I can’t explain it
I feel it
I never knew there was something that could be so precious
Yet you cannot own
Not when your words are locked in your lips
Stitched and tied by the thread of the fear of losing, risking…
Feeling pain that is unknown
I can’t not know the feeling
There is no box in the mind that fits it
I hold on to it with both hands
It’s empty like you are holding onto air
I know that it’s still there but it will never be held
Not until my mouth breathe life to it
Not until I broke the seal of fear
Not until I believe that it could happen
Only I could make it real
So should I listen to what I feel?
Or silence myself… find comfort in the blinding darkness
Take cover from the truth
Live behind a wall while holding onto the same air
Be a prisoner of the same chains I made
Silenced by needle and thread
Live without words
Feel without saying
Holding onto words
Letting go of a dying chance
Oct 24, 2017
Oct 24, 2017 at 2:29 PM UTC
I was a rock
I loved you too much that I thrown myself into your ocean
Thrusted my body towards a vast space and felt the air
Felt the motion of your waves as I slowly follow gravity
Found out what it is like to move in a fast pace
Then Slowly drop down..... make a splash...
Gently embrace you
Soak myself wet
Suddenly I can't feel any weight
I felt like I am a part of you
I am a part of a wide ocean
Drowning like a feather tossed in the air waiting to touch the ground beneath
The water was consuming me
Filling my spongy holes
Totally no space for air...
Still falling deeper and deeper
So dense that I have become vulnerable at any moment
My hard sturdy body has become a corpse in your vast ocean
There is no way out
If only rocks have buoyancy
I would float and never drown
And i could love you without dying
Sep 28, 2017
Sep 28, 2017 at 12:26 PM UTC
Late at night I'm a boy inside a room
Looking at the four walls extending imagination and fantasy
Avoiding outside the rooms reality
Pulling the gun trigger the whole world pointed at me
Loaded with words from the malevolence of talk and hate
Saying... Misery, Shame, and all the hell thrown at my empty bin
Then as the bullet catches my brain
I become dead
My soul died and became less human
I cried over and over for my funeral
I caused myself to stop the voices whispering my end
Because I die with words
No one notice
My death every night is constantly happening
I resurrect after my sleep
Then I'm back to pretending, smiling, and live?
Or do I just exist to entertain them
By repeating each day and be that same boy
Night after night
Hurt after hurt
Late at night I felt all the same
I felt
...............................................................................................
May 17, 2017
May 17, 2017 at 1:58 PM UTC
Late at night I'm a boy inside a room
Looking at the four walls extending imagination and fantasy
Avoiding outside the rooms reality
Pulling the gun trigger the whole world pointed at me
Loaded with words from the malevolence of talk and hate
Saying... Misery, Shame, and all the hell thrown at my empty bin
Then as the bullet catches my brain
I become dead
My soul died and became less human
I cried over and over for my funeral
I caused myself to stop the voices whispering my end
Because I die with words
No one notice
My death every night is constantly happening
I resurrect after my sleep
Then I'm back to pretending, smiling, and live?
Or do I just exist to entertain them
By repeating each day and be that same boy
Night after night
Hurt after hurt
Late at night I felt all the same
I felt
...............................................................................................
May 17, 2017
May 17, 2017 at 1:58 PM UTC
I am confused
Following through the road map of life
Trying to move on from places
Places built in bricks and cement
Houses made to feel less like a home
The road is long and tiring
I have been walking it all my life
The distance I've made got me myself
Counting each step with black heart
Restless each minute of time
When will I ever stop
I find it hard to find comfort
Knowing that each of each of what I have
Will be gone the moment I rest
I cannot afford the luxury of relaxation
Nor the price of love
I am a traveler and i walk this path
I need help
I am confused
Following the road map of life
It is like following the stars above the sky
Knowing you can only follow it
And holding on is.... Impossible
Apr 7, 2017
Apr 7, 2017 at 12:33 AM UTC
Laying in bed tonight
Asking a thought if I'll be alright
When you finally let go
When i finally go
When our hearts don't care anymore
Time fading away
Our path lead to different directions
You crying on the phone
I seeing the future and you're gone
Sitting on bus rides each morning
No hand to hold
Alone facing the window
Wondering about the past
I slowly die deep
Slowly we begin to sleep
With eyes closed hearts open wide
We see each other only in dreams now
In state of grasping moments
From memories that used to be real
Now a piece of fragment
Of how we used to be
How we started
How we fell apart with a word
A simple "goodbye" we made
From kisses to silent tears
Turning our backs
Leaving behind you and me
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 1:41 PM UTC
I saw her line fall flat
It was a sign that she's not turning back
A while ago i checked on her
It made me cry a river
I asked a question
But her silent told me everything in her position
A sound I'll never hear again
A beat that skipped a thousand repeat
I long to see
Her being with me
But all acts are nothing now
She has bowed her last show
I waited for her to come back
But it was a time to accept the fact
That she is no longer breathing
And she is in the great unknown just smiling
I wanted to say goodbye
Not knowing she already did
Like the last song i never heard
From the stereo i always listened to
She was and still the best
She deserves a rest
Rest in peace
When my time comes to an end
I shall see you again...
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:28 AM UTC
I want to breath but I'm not allowed to
I am suffocating with everyone else
Their voices are ill
I can't find no comfort
It is excruciating
Feeling the stabs of guilt
All the emotions are loud
I have not spoken though
Not even for once my ache
I am tired and sleepless
Finding a home i am restless
I hate them
I hate myself
All the anger i felt inside
I wanna cut myself open
Let it bleed
Feel the draping blood of agony
Curse the idea of healing
So painful
My mind is injured
Every bone i have is breaking
I cannot understand
I want to feel
All the emotions i can have
But this is all i have
I am scared for life
Chained in the burden of living
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:16 AM UTC
I used to feel free
Doing things like climbing a tree
Looking at the view past my insecurity
Pointing my fingers to the sun
Running around with no care
Feeling the emotions with sincerity
Painting my imaginations with silence in my sleep
Placing the moments inside so deep
Believing the great unknown
So hopeful in ways that is known
In morning songs the melody of my heart is revived
I was taking one step at a time
Making use of wasted time
I was good at staying alive
Letting myself breath in the greatness of world
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:07 AM UTC