#urges
teeth flash white, jaw snaps
carnivorous, ravenous
emaciated
beastly, starving thing
terrible in it's fury
confined no longer
violence, a staple
peace is a foreign concept,
home is where hearts stop
primordial urge
adrenal hunger, straining
Against iron chains.
calloused, chafed raw
visceral instincts woken
from a brumal sleep
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 10:20 AM UTC
Twenty days ago
I taped a blade to my wall
And let it gather dust without me
Twenty days ago
I heard my picture frame fall
and saw the sea creature inside it
Twenty days ago
And I still can't stop thinking about it
Every night I still writhe for cutting
Squirm for blood and
Yell for pain
Tonight is upsetting
I feel a blade resting on my skin
Yet I don't pull it closer
For maybe tomorrow will be worse
I'm rightfully clean for the first time
Since July last year
And all winter
Four years ago.
I said not to cut 'til my concert
May 28th,
Or ten days from now.
But will ten more days than twenty
make me feel any less sick?
If it's like this at twenty,
What'll it be at thirty?
Does anything ever go away for real?
Have I ****** myself to a life
Of constant choking urges?
From now until forever?
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 4:07 PM UTC
8 am
In class
Three days clean
Dizzy
Heavy breathing
Alone
Silence
Too many thoughts
Urges
No blade
No bathroom break
Glances
Heat
Aching
Inescapable
Isolation
Squinting eyes
Full of feeling
Mouth watering
Pain
Urges
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 10:24 PM UTC
The girl in my dreams doesn’t want to be left alone,
The girl in my dreams can’t be left alone
On she’ll suffocate under
Pressure
Guilt
Words
That scar.
The girl in my dreams is never truly happy,
Always hiding behind a mask
Saying “I’m fine” when her whole body
Is on fire
And all her muscles
Are frozen.
The girl in my dreams is scared of herself,
And what she might do
If she is left
Alone.
Mar 9
Mar 9, 2026 at 3:16 AM UTC
This ain't love but what I feel
Hatred anger and more to steal
Every glance upon your neck
Is just me making sure, to check
I need to know who you are
Before you go and step to far
Don’t you smile that at me
Soon enough, We'll be three
My stomach hurts and feels obtuse
I will only ever break our truce
Anger fills my eyes and breaks my nose
I’ll never be you, I suppose
No, one day I will, don’t yet forget
Steal your body and take your bet
It's not an act of malice, swear
More than one of need, I’m the bear.
Feb 17
Feb 17, 2026 at 4:09 PM UTC
I know I shouldn't,
but I do—
savour it,
because its the last time.
That’s what you said last time.
And here you are,
veins reopening,
rubies spilling
down your wrists,
beautifully.
My vision clouds,
but her voice cuts through,
“You always coveted pretty things too much.”
Jan 5
Jan 5, 2026 at 9:37 AM UTC
Is there another girl?
Was I not enough?
How can you not talk to me?
I never heard your voice,
but I can't forget your words.
It's been nine days
and you haven't even acknowledged
that I want to talk
Just tell me if you want to go
And tell me if there's another girl you love
One's that closer to you,
probably in your bed
and not 18 hours away
and who's the complete opposite of me
Is she pretty, kind, **** and everything I never was?
Or i'm overthinking this whole thing.
And you're just really busy.
You swore you love me, but where are the clues?
You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days.
Of course I trust you
I just need some reassurance sometimes
Oct 23, 2025
Oct 23, 2025 at 8:25 PM UTC
I don't want to love you anymore
I don't want to miss you anymore
I don't want to think
Or cry
Or beg
Or dream
For you anymore
I don't want
Anything with you anymore
Yet here I am
Doing all of that
Wanting all of that
And more
Aug 11, 2025
Aug 11, 2025 at 1:53 PM UTC
The day I’ve outlined in my head
I don’t know what will become of my life until then
But I hope I can erase the date
Before I erase myself from this world
Apr 14, 2021
Apr 14, 2021 at 5:23 PM UTC
My palms are cold and ******
Your name stains my tongue
I prefer sleeping with my eyes open
Bloodshot eyes and boiling skin
I can’t believe they let you out
Randy, Was it worth the laugh
Does my blood still stain your hands
Do you close your eyes and remember me
I want you to feel the pain you drove into my veins
The smile you craved into my brain stains my teeth
My smile likes yours I no longer know myself
My childhood smells of tears and blood
But all you cared about was a rub and some ***
Using a woman as your toys, you see them as objects
You see me as an object no longer will I be yours
Randy, was it worth the laugh you had that night
Before the cops came and shocked your night
Shocked your life and made your night a living hell.
My brain still screams in agony at the sight of your name.
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 6, 2020 at 3:00 PM UTC
Morphisms ignored
You seed sour schisms
Divide & bleed
Bluster-concealed claw of iniquity
Blink & you'll miss misdeeds
Bleak greed breeds alacrity
Mimic predators
Crack fatigue
Shoved in your leaking maw
Sweet as a fatal flaw niggling
Raw needs wriggling
Impelled again to begin again
Fresh meat, feed me, let me sin again
Defeat just past the next win
But when
Actions unsating swiftly flow
Satisfaction ebbs
Objectifying friend & foe
This spluttering glut will not quench
So‽
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 10:29 AM UTC
The taunting flow of crimson
Clouds my judgment
It calls me
And I answer
Will we play this game my whole life?
Will the temptation sink it's teeth into my heart?
I want to be free of this
But the red crimson flow reminds me of who I am
Sick
Twisted
Lonely
And afraid
Of myself?
...
I contemplate the possibility
But I cannot answer
Because I don't know
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 12:10 PM UTC
I imagined
the softness
of two lips
sharing a moment,
the sweet pressure
of personal gravities
pulling two people
into a collapsing orbit,
how fingers fit,
how the taste
of her lips
would push me on
to higher states
of desire.
I dreamed
of being one,
two bodies combined
by the passion
that has defined
my species
for quite some time.
I wanted to be
fulfilled,
by a fantasy,
but fantasies
do not equal
reality.
The arithmetic
does not add up
one bit.
So, I settle
for a self-purging
of this urgent
****** urging,
that is overworking
my human system.
Mar 11, 2020
Mar 11, 2020 at 10:11 AM UTC
my biggest fantasies involve
playing magician and assistant
make myself disappear into thin air
without an onlooking audience
to wonder why or how
explanations withheld
run off to nowhere
only to realize
nobody is chasing me
and the only thing
i am running away from
is myself
Jan 20, 2020
Jan 20, 2020 at 4:36 AM UTC
Tie a knot in twine.
Stop a thought in time.
Cut a rope, slit a throat.
Floors and walls the blood will coat.
Resist evil. Remain pure.
Do not feed these thoughts which stir.
Jul 2, 2019
Jul 2, 2019 at 9:50 PM UTC
I told myself I was different
I didn’t excessively bleed
No one could see anything
I was doing just fine.
To me cutting became expected.
For others it wasn’t okay, but for me?
Just a daily routine
As normal as brushing my teeth.
Jun 21, 2019
Jun 21, 2019 at 6:35 AM UTC
I am afraid I'll be sad forever
Nothing brings out a smile
When I am down I often forget
It is only for a while
I am scared I'll never be fixed
My broken heart will never mend
When it's aching it feels like
Pain might not ever come to an end
I fear my instability
Urges to make a deep incision
Temporary emotions pushing me
Towards a permanent decision
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 2:49 AM UTC
I am suffocating.
I can't get you out of my head,
please go away.
So I can go back to my simple life,
the one without your smile,
without your brilliant blue eyes,
without your voice.
Why would God put you in my life...
if it wasn't meant to work between us?
The thought of your shiny blonde hair,
your mouth sliding in and out of mine.
I can't breathe.
I stay high,
so I don't have to feel you right.
I'd have to say I'm addicted,
I should stay away.
But these urges I can't fight.
I can't breathe
I am suffocating
Feb 19, 2019
Feb 19, 2019 at 3:29 PM UTC
We all have a hunger
For more
Than what we have,
To be something we’re not
Not all itches are meant to be scratched
Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018 at 10:00 AM UTC
You make me want to kick and scream
Because I hate that I love you
and hate you all at the same time
Break the plaster
Shatter the dishes
Destroy the photos
Ensure there is no proof of us here
Because I believe now that love is a lie
A myth to get us all twisted
On reality and illusion
A trick to reel us in
When in truth it is a sin
The amount of destruction
That results from this word
Let’s start from this apartment
Then we’ll investigate the world
Love creates peace
But where does peace exist?
I’ve lost faith and I am petrified
Of what results from this loss of light
I punched a hole through the wall
And saw myself on the other side
A simple reflection
Terrifying when it comes through
Like a mirror
Existing in another dimension
Sep 27, 2018
Sep 27, 2018 at 11:01 AM UTC
ever get those words flowing into your head?
and you have this urge to write it down.
because you know if you don't,
it'll be lost forever into the abyss of your mind?
i get that a lot...
and i can' write it on my phone,
because i'd miss that sound of my pen scratches through the rough paper.
and sometimes,
its the only sound i hear in this quiet room.
Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018 at 9:29 AM UTC
It' odd to not be sure how you're feeling
To not know what's going on inside your own head
You're a mystery that can only be solved by yourself
Sometimes I feel like people can control if
They want to feel something or not
For them it's a switch
It's not so easy for me
It takes a lot just to block it out
The pain,
The thoughts,
The urges...
It's hard to control an urge
Your gut and your mind says "yes"
Regardless of your answer
Your mind is high, not letting you think straight
Maybe deep down inside your heart
You know it's wrong
But you can't help it
Feelings are so very complicated
Maybe they're a curse
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 1:30 PM UTC